novel38-40: Unexpectedly, to be an anchor, you have to fake gay to sell rot; to sell sweets, you also have to fake gay to sell rot
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38-40: Unexpectedly, to be an anchor, you have to fake gay to sell rot; to sell sweets, you also have to fake gay to sell rot.
Chapter 38
When Shan Zhu delivered the meat pie in the morning, he also brought a bunch of coupons. He asked Ling Meng and his roommate to distribute them in their department.
"What's this?"
"At this weekend's cultural festival, we rented a booth to sell mango lao. Please come and play with your classmates."
The cultural festival, Lunar New Year, the sports meet, and Christmas Eve, collectively referred to as the four major festivals of North Hebei University City; these large-scale celebration gatherings were held every year in the central plaza.
At this time last year, Ling Meng's class made a haunted house and Ling Meng was assigned to act as a ghost. He had thought he was clearly very scary after putting on his makeup, but when the girls saw him, they cried out and shouted "meng!". They had even wanted to take a group photo with him in the dark, grievously wounding Ling Meng's self-respect.
This year, Ling Meng said he'd act as anything but a ghost.
After class ended at noon, Ling Meng, who was rushing to the canteen, was stopped by the department's flower.
"Ling Meng, do you have free time this weekend?"
Ling Meng: "o///_////o I d-do, ah."
"The girls in our class intend to sell lemon ice at the cultural festival. If you're free, can you come over and help?"
"Ah?" Ling Meng was a little confused."Why are you looking for me?"
"Because you are adorable, ah, we all feel that if you are there, maybe you'll be able to solicit sales from a lot of girls."
"I'm not adorable. I-I'm super fierce."
The department's flower choked back a laugh: "The oh-so-fierce Classmate Ling Meng, would you please be willing?"
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Chapter 39
Ling Meng, wearing a waiter uniform of a white shirt and black waistcoat, hid under the booth table to scroll on his phone. He didn't know where the girls in the class had rented the uniform from; the waistcoat was so tight that even a thin person like Ling Meng was suffocating in it.
"Classmate, excuse me, a glass of lemon ice, thank you."
"We haven't opened the booth yet..." Ling Meng was halfway through his words when he realized something was wrong. The speaker's voice, he was way too familiar with it.
Sure enough, when he looked up, he saw Shan Zhu dressed from head to toe for the same duties as his own. The difference was that the other person wore a black long morning coat style jacket, making his whole body appear taller and more slender. Ling Meng was used to Shan Zhu dressing in simple clothes with a pair of slippers, but suddenly, when he put on this uniform coat, Ling Meng realized that there was no limit to his handsomeness. This made him feel a little same-sex envy.
"Why are you here?"
"You've been here for so long, didn't you notice that our booth next door?" Shan Zhu pointed his finger to the big mango that stood out in front of the next booth.
"Er... Yeah, what a coincidence." Ling Meng didn't want to admit that he'd been sitting here, not moving at all, scrolling on his phone from the start.
"Bow tie, " Shan Zhu pointed at him.
"What?"
"It's crooked."
"Ah?" Ling Meng reached up to fix it and the result was even worse.
Shan Zhu bent down: "I'll help you."
Ling Meng let him do so and grumbled thoughtlessly: "This waistcoat is so tight, I can hardly breathe."
Shan Zhu helped him adjust the bow tie and loosen the waistcoat: "But you wear it very well." He looked very slim around the waist.
"Really..." Ling Meng didn't readily accept the compliment.
He had a lemon pin on his chest and Shan Zhu fiddled with it a bit."This lemon is also very adorable."
"This is a small gift we have prepared for our customers. I'll get one for you later."
"Ling Meng!" The department's flower came over with a handful of flyers."Would you please take these coupons to the central plaza and distribute them?"
"I just happen to be going there too, let's go together, " Shan Zhu proposed.
The department's flower noticed there was this handsome man on the scene that she didn't know: "This is..."
"A senior student from the next booth, my friend."
"I see that neither booth should be worried about sales today."
"Ah? How do you see that?" The oblivious Ling Meng didn't get it.
The department's flower stuffed the flyers into Ling Meng's arms: "Go ahead before the booth opens, it'll be busy later."
Ling Meng grabbed them with a red face: "Then I'll be going."
There was an eye-catching sight of two handsome guys in uniform appearing in the central plaza at the same time; along the way, many people took out their phones to secretly take pictures.
"At 11 o'clock, there's a young lady filming us." Ling Meng fixed his eyes at the road while walking on the sidewalk.
"Your way of announcing coordinates has exposed you. Only Galaxy players like to say that there are allies in the seven o'clock direction and enemy forces in the four o'clock direction."
Ling Meng thought over it, it seemed like that really was the case: "Can you blame me? It goes without saying that I'm a Galaxy dog."
"Either pretend not to see it or turn your face and look at the camera in a natural, poised way and then smile."
"You don't expose your face as an internet celebrity, yet you know better than me, " Ling Meng muttered, coolly lifting his head in the direction of the person taking the photo and quickly forcing a stiff smile.
It was now nine o'clock in the morning and tourists were entering in one after another. There were many people like Ling Meng handing out flyers. Thanks to the mindset of the appearance-obsessed, the flyers they handed out were rarely rejected. However, the shy nature of Ling Meng was such that the more female strangers he met, the more nervous he was, so he only dared to hand flyers out to boys. When girls passed by, he lowered his head and pretended not to see them.
"Most of the people who like to eat mango lao and lemon ice are girls. You can't send just boys over like that." Shan Zhu acted on this practical guidance and picked out girls to send over.
Ling Meng suddenly thought of a plan: follow behind Shan Zhu like a little attendant and, when Shan Zhu handed out a flyer, he would take advantage of the moment and stuff one of his in too.
There were more and more people in the square, so naturally there were daring girls who would come up to ask for info and chat them up at the same time.
"Is this for your booth?"
"Yes, you're welcome to come sit down when you're tired of walking around." Shan Zhu's invitation was hard to refuse.
The girl looked down at the flyer: "I like lemon ice most. Where is it, please?"
Shan Zhu gently pushed Ling Meng forward and Ling Meng automatically answered back by reflex: "In the western area A38, opposite the cherry tree. There is a big recognizable lemon in front of the stall. In addition to lemon ice, we also have watermelon ice, strawberry ice, lemon tea, grapefruit tea, sour plum soup; with coupons, the price can be reduced by 20%."
He recited the response from memory and the girl who had been successfully amused said, "Will you also be there?"
"I, I'll go back later."
"Then I'll go."
"Oh..." Ling Meng choked out a response, "...then I'll be waiting for you."
Turning his head, Ling Meng found that Shan Zhu was looking at him with a strange expression.
"Then I'll be waiting for you? Isn't your girl-teasing technique quite smooth?"
"I was in a moment of desperation, I couldn't think of what to say."
"You call yourself Daddy in the game every day, how come you're so bashful when you see girls?"
"How is that the same? The game is full of rough guys."
"What about your female powder? Are you shy in front of them too?"
Ling Meng thought the question was baffling: "I'm not you, where do I have female powder, ah?"
"Of course you have them; for example......your mother barrier powder and your second housekeeper."
Ling Meng thought back for a moment: "Oh...I view them as boys."
Shan Zhu sighed: "It seems that you can be a daddy only in word."
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind."
Chapter 40
Shan Zhu's classmate, Hong MaoDan, was moving the mango boxes as he watched Shan Zhu and Ling Meng came back empty-handed. It was no surprise that they had finished handing out the flyers so quickly.
"Hey Lemon Daddy!" Shan Zhu's friend didn't fail to recognize the popular internet celebrity and began to kick up a fuss from a distance.
Ling Meng pretended not to hear him and continued to move forward. Hong MaoDan shouted to him: "Lemon Daddy, would you like to eat mango lao?"
Ling Meng immediately turned back: "Really?"
"Of course, I'll give you an extra-large portion!"
"Great, mango lao is my favorite."
From behind, Shan Zhu gave the friendly warning: "Take it easy, he'll eat until our booth is empty."
The mango was sweet, soaked in yogurt, with the watermelon, honeydew melon, and sago pudding also added to it; Ling Meng was full of endless praise as he ate.
"It's really delicious, you should taste it too." He recommended to Shan Zhu, who was passing by carrying a mango box. He bowed his head and ate the spoonful of mango lao Ling Meng had just scooped up.
"Mm, it's delicious."
Ling Meng: ...
He had meant for Shan Zhu to find Hong MaoDan and ask for a new one, he didn't think he would eat it directly from his own spoon. He wasn't annoyed even one bit (/s). Now Ling Meng was tied up in knots; the spoon that had been in Shan Zhu's mouth, could he still use it?
The department's flower had been waiting a long time for Ling Meng to come back and then she turned around and found out he was just eating in the booth next door.
"You're too much. I finally got a boy to help me and you actually used a bowl of mango lao to steal him away."
When Hong MaoDan saw the beautiful girl shouting, he smiled back and said: "Beauty, don't be angry, I'll treat you to a bowl too."
The first guest came to the entrance, holding two coupons and wavering back and forth.
"I'm going to order a lemon ice next door. Can I eat mango lao here?"
"You can order a mango lao here and have lemon ice next door. Our two families are one." From the start, Hong MaoDan was well-acquainted with the idea of sharing everything with each other.
Hong MaoDan's words let Ling Meng and Shan Zhu shuttle between the two booths without restriction. The news of the handsome guys spread through social media and the number of guests kept increasing, 80% of them were girls.
"I'll buy one lemon ice and one manga lao. Can I take a group photo with two waiters?"
Before Ling Meng could speak, Shan Zhu sold him off:??"No problem, we'll try our best to meet the reasonable requests of our guests."
So Ling Meng stood next to the unfamiliar jiejie, rigidly flashing a peace sign.
As someone had opened the floodgates, there was a second one, then a third; Ling Meng couldn't think of any other pose and just showed a peace sign to the bitter end.
It wasn't that no one recognized Ling Meng either.
"Eh? Aren't you that expression pack?"
"I'm really not, you've mistaken me for someone else, " Ling Meng replied with a straight face.
"Impossible! Puff up your cheeks for me to see."
Ling Meng puffed up his cheeks.
"Yes! It is you!"
The group photos continued.
"What the fuck, Lemon Dad? Am I blind? Really in the flesh?"
Having given up on the struggle, Ling Meng said: "Isn't this a group photo? Come on."
Fortunately, the ones to recognize him as Lemon Daddy were all boys. Ling Meng was no longer stiff, but instead showed a disgusted expression on his face.
After finishing the photos, he turned around to look for Shan Zhu, who had hidden a while back. His voice is too recognizable so it was difficult to have it not to be recognized by Galaxy players.
If it came out that Mang God was here, Ling Meng thought, heh heh, we wouldn't need to sell mango lao anymore, we could directly charge for group photos.
The more guests there were, the more weirdos came who made requests like this one:
"I'll buy one lemon ice and one mango lao. Can I take a photo of the two waiters?"
Ling Meng got ready with his peace sign pose, but unexpectedly, the other party did not move to stand between them.
"I mean, take a photo of just you two."
"Ah?" Ling Meng's hand hung in the air showing a V; he didn't understand what she meant.
Shan Zhu slung an arm over his shoulder: "Like so?"
"Can you be more intimate?"
Shan Zhu caught Ling Meng off guard and lifted him into a princess carry from behind.
"Good, good, good!" The guest excitedly raised her phone in excitement and went crazy tapping on the screen.
"Hey!" Ling Meng protested.
"The customer is god."
This god wrapped up five servings of lemon ice and mango lao and happily left. The two booths simultaneously hung up sold out signs.
Ling Meng collapsed on the table and Shan Zhu sat down beside him, putting the last ice cream in his possession down in front of him.
"Tired out, eh?"
"Mostly heart sore, " Ling Meng struggled to sit up, " Unexpectedly, to be an anchor, you have to fake gay to sell rot; to sell sweets, you also have to fake gay to sell rot. Life really is a hardship."
"Oh yeah, " Ling Meng stretched out his closed hand, "Hand out."
A lemon pin fell into the hollow of Shan Zhu's palm.
"I was too late. All the gifts were handed out; only this one I was wearing is left. You like it, so I'll give it to you."
—
Footnotes:
1. mango lao: see picture below
2. same-sex envy: to be envious of the appearance of someone of the same gender, common example would be women jealous about the beauty of a popular woman
3. friend (朋友): can also mean boyfriend, heh heh
4. appearance-obsessed (颜控): those who attach great important to appearance, loan term from Japanese meaning face-con
5. girl teasing (撩妹): literally titillate the young sister; slang for the ability to pick up girls or doing something spectacular to get girls' attention
6. jiejie (姐姐): older sister, used for older girls, -jie is the honorific
7. heart sore (心累): to be exhausted at the core from life's stresses
— these two *slams fist on desk* who allowed them to be so cute
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