novelThe Various Emotions of Life, And So It Goes
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Chapter 61 — The Various Emotions of Life, And So It Goes
Edited by DancingDolphinsYo
Marry a wife and have a child? Stunned, Wu Xingzi stared at Guan Shanjin's foreboding, dark expression, and shook his head stupidly.
Why would he marry a wife? Why would he have a child? What he liked were big pengornises! Even if he wanted to find someone to spend the rest of his life with, he would only seek out a pengornis that appealed to him!
He dared not even touch a finger of any females. In his life, the only females that Wu Xingzi ever had physical contact with were his mother and Auntie Liu.
Looking at Wu Xingzi's dazed expression, Guan Shanjin registered that he had vent his anger on someone innocent. Scrubbing his face, he sighed deeply, and his voice was apologetic."I was wrong, don't be angry with me."
Right, Wu Xingzi and Lu Zezhi were different. Right from their first meeting, it had been evident that Wu Xingzi cared for the pengornis and not the man. Could an old fellow like this even marry a wife and have a child? It was more probable that he had never even thought about it.
"What's wrong?" Naturally, Wu Xingzi would not be angry with Guan Shanjin. He was only curious. Logically speaking, Guan Shanjin and Mr. Lu had finally confirmed their affections for each other, and so he should be happy! Yet why was he... a little weary?
Wu Xingzi's heart ached a little. Pulling at Guan Shanjin, he sat up, then after a moment of thought, he carefully pressed Guan Shanjin's head into his chest, patting that satin-like hair gently.
"Tell me about it?"
Guan Shanjin's eyes fell half-lidded, leaning into Wu Xingzi's arms comfortably. The old fellow was thin, and his chest barely had any muscles on it. However, it still felt very warm, and the scent was mild and enchanting. Taking in a few breaths, the stifling in Guan Shanjin's chest dissipated.
He reached out, wrapping his arms around Wu Xingzi's slender waist, enjoying the rare warmth. Thinking about it, it was rather funny. When the two of them were together, they were always either eating or having sex. Among the desires of life, they neglected neither food nor sex, but both did not confide much in each other. Guan Shanjin had yet to even be aware of what exactly Wu Xingzi's ancestors used to do. He only had a vague idea that Wu Xingzi's father should not be just a simple scholar. Ignoring how a scholar from a tiny, rural place could play the qin and write poetry, as though there was nothing he could not do, it was impossible that people like him who were the cream of the crop would just remain at a provincial level, willingly staying in his hometown and becoming a teacher, while raising a family on the bare minimum.
In the past, Guan Shanjin had no interest in knowing. Now, he had lost the opportunity to ask after him.
It was just as well. In his life, Guan Shanjin had met with countless dilemmas, and this was nothing big. He could plan slowly, and once things in the capital were settled, he would have lots of time to spend with Wu Xingzi.
Still, there was something that he had to find out right now.
"Are you the only descendant left of the Wu family? Do you still have any other relatives?" It was rather amusing if he thought about it. Whether it was Guan Shanjin, Lu Zezhi, or Wu Xingzi, all three of them were the last one in their family. Yet for them to come together in such a situation, it could only be said that the heavens were making a fool of everyone.
"I don't have any other relatives anymore, " Wu Xingzi shook his head. Tilting his head, he frowned, "My father's parents had passed away before I was born, and my mother's parents too kicked the bucket when I was young. After they departed, my uncles left Qingcheng County, and I don't know where they went. When my parents passed away as well, they did not return to take a look. I'm the one who has been taking care of my mother's parents' graves, and I'm afraid that my uncles, during that great flood, too..."
Sighing, Wu Xingzi dared not continue.
No wonder there were some in the county who did not like him and said that he was bound to a hard life, behind his back. He might really be the only one left alive in this family of around a dozen people.
"Oh?" Guan Shanjin noticed his melancholy, and turned around to pull Wu Xingzi into his arms. Leaning against the bed's headboard, he let Wu Xingzi sprawl across his chest and listen to his steady, strong heartbeat."Don't overthink it. Fate is out of the hands of people. Rather than thinking about those who have passed, why don't you allow yourself to live a little better."
"Oh..." Wu Xingzi closed his eyes.
Guan Shanjin's body was sturdy and full of inner strength. His heartbeats were steady and extremely strong. Through his seemingly slender yet powerful chest, it was as though his heart was knocking directly on Wu Xingzi's ear, and tingles ran through him. Wu Xingzi's face blushed a little. He wanted to shift his position, only to have Guan Shanjin hold him tighter. Unable to move, he had no choice but to remain lying where he was.
"Then... have you ever thought about how you're going to continue your family line?"
These words came as a surprise to both people. Guan Shanjin had not thought that he would actually ask out loud, while Wu Xingzi had never thought that he would ever be asked a question like this.
Wu Xingzi kept silent for a moment. He was a little hesitant, unsure about why Guan Shanjin would ask about something so private. The two of them had always been more like strangers than friends, and were only together for their trysts. In the interactions of the past few months, although they had paid respects to his ancestors and spent the New Year together, and he had also fallen for Guan Shanjin, Guan Shanjin had never asked him many things about himself. Now, they were about to go their own ways, why would he choose a time like this to ask something so private?
"I..." Wu Xingzi murmured to himself and finally sighed."I had originally planned on ending my life on the day I was forty."
He had never mentioned this intention to anyone before, and he did not understand why he would speak of it now.
The man, who was originally hugging him, gently stiffened abruptly, giving him a harsh pinch. The pain made Wu Xingzi cry out, and the man quickly gentled his strength. However, Guan Shanjin's breaths seemed to be burning, like an enraged panther, exhaling hotly as it paced around him.
"Why?" Guan Shanjin's normally gentle and soft voice was now hard, as if it was a sharp blade gleaming with cold light. Wu Xingzi shrunk into himself, shuddering, and nuzzled his cheek into Guan Shanjin's chest, placating. Timidly, he wrapped his arms around Guan Shanjin's well-defined and slender waist.
"I..." Wu Xingzi swallowed, his throat inexplicably dry. He struggled over whether he should tell the truth or not. Guan Shanjin looked to be angered, but Wu Xingzi did not understand why.
"Be honest. I can see through your lies." Lowering his head, Guan Shanjin could see Wu Xingzi's panicked expression. Everything Wu Xingzi thought about would be revealed on his face, and Guan Shanjin was suddenly somewhat amused. Still, he forced himself to harden his tone, and continued scaring him.
Hearing that, Wu Xingzi trembled again. Like this, he was just like a real quail, huddling into a tiny ball.
"I... at that time I... was very lonely." These words only came out after much difficulty. Thinking about those days, the only thing Wu Xingzi could remember was loneliness.
An endless and infinite loneliness, it was as though there was no limit to it.
At that time, he was still the Adviser Wu of Qingcheng County. The only two places he would ever go to were his home and the magistrate's office, and occasionally he would go to the market to buy some vegetables and have a bowl of beancurd. For festivities and celebrations, he would make a trip to Goose City to purchase some items, then return to his empty and lonely home, eating the meals he made for himself.
For Yan Wenxin, he borrowed a sum of money from the magistrate's office. Paying it off bit by bit, he had cleared the debt only five years ago, including the interest. At first, he still heaved a breath of relief, as this burden in his heart had finally been settled. However, it did not take him long to discover that without this burden, why exactly was he living like this, all alone and by himself?
As such, he bought a grave site, and what a wonderful grave site it was! With such a splendid location, of course it had to be accompanied with a top quality coffin. As such, Wu Xingzi started to save for his bucket stash. This was a true bucket stash, the sum of money for him to purchase a coffin for his use when he kicked the bucket.
The coffins in Liuzhou were the best. Wu Xingzi probably could not afford the top tier ones, but a reasonably priced and good quality coffin should not be out of his budget. He had already planned it out. He would have a Liuzhou coffin made of fir wood, and his shroud would be the set of clothes his mother made for him the year he took the examinations. The clothes had not been washed away in the floods, and they had been meticulously taken care of over these years.
Unknowingly, Wu Xingzi had spilled the beans about these matters to Guan Shanjin. His soft voice was very serious and earnest, but to Guan Shanjin, it was like a thousand needles piercing into his heart, the pain hurting him terribly.
"Do you hate Yan Wenxin for deceiving you?" This was the first time that Wu Xingzi mentioned Yan Wenxin while sober. For him to be so open about it, it seemed that this painful past was no longer important anymore.
"I..." Wu Xingzi blinked a few times, only realising now that he had accidentally talked about Yan Wenxin in front of Guan Shanjin. He glanced at Guan Shanjin carefully, his lips quirking up wryly yet earnestly."I don't know, but at least because of him, I've lived all the way until today."
If not for having to pay the sum of money back, Wu Xingzi felt that he would not have been able to endure the loneliness for so long.
However, he had never considered that the person to blame for his loneliness was that Yan Wenxin.
Naturally, Guan Shanjin did not enlighten him. It was a rare opportunity for them to confide in each other, so there was no need for an extraneous third party to be involved here.
"When you pass away as well, what would happen to your ancestors' graves?" Although Guan Shanjin was alarmed that Wu Xingzi had once thought of committing suicide, thinking about the existence of the Peng Society as well as the pengornis drawings, this old fellow most probably could not bear to die, and so he was somewhat assured.
Ah... This is a big issue...
Wu Xingzi had thought about it before. There was a Guanyin Temple in Qingcheng County, and no matter how hard life was for the county folk, they would still spare some of their harvest and offer them to the monks in the temple. Their objectives were like Wu Xingzi, even if they had no more descendants after them, there would still be people taking care of their family graves during Qingming.
Their sincere prayers and offerings to the Guanyin Temple and the monks were enough for at least twenty years. Wu Xingzi had already planned on making more offerings on behalf of his ancestors to the temple before his death. As for himself, it did not matter.
"I'm a lot younger than you." Not hearing a response from Wu Xingzi, Guan Shanjin swayed the man in his arms, patting his back.
"Ah? That's true. You're not even thirty." Wu Xingzi laughed lightly. He had almost forgotten that Guan Shanjin was this young. This act of robbing the cradle, it was rather enjoyable and satisfying!
"That it is. My body is stronger than yours too. For someone like me, who is adept at martial arts, as long as I don't die on the battlefield, it's no surprise for me to live until seventy." Guan Shanjin crooked a finger under Wu Xingzi's chin, smiling at him.
This smile was like an enlightenment, like the sun coming out after the rain. Wu Xingzi's face flushed red, and he could not hide away despite wanting to. With no other choice, he could only stupidly watch that smile, his heart pounding so rapidly as though it would burst.
"How amazing to be able to live until seventy." It had to be said that a person rarely made it until the age of seventy. For most rich families, it was already considered to be excellent for them to reach the age of sixty. In Qingcheng County, a fifty year old person would be considered very old already. For Old Uncle Liu and Auntie Liu, who were over the age of fifty and still so fit and healthy, it was truly a rare sight.
"So, in the future, you will definitely leave earlier than me. Such matters of paying respects, I can even help you take care of it for a few more years." As Guan Shanjin spoke, he pressed a few kisses onto Wu Xingzi's lips. Like a dragonfly flitting across the water surface, the kisses left glowing sparks in their wake.
Wu Xingzi's attention had been taken away by these kisses. Unconsciously, he pursed his lips together and responded by kissing back. Whatever Guan Shanjin said, he did not register.
If not for Guan Shanjin having no intentions in deepening the kisses, instead pulling him back into his arms and patting him gently, Wu Xingzi would definitely not ponder over the meaning of what he had said. Now that he was no longer distracted, Wu Xingzi then got a shock from Guan Shanjin's words.
He would help him take care of the matters of paying respects? This... this meant that after he died, not only did Guan Shanjin want to manage the matters of his funeral, he even wanted to help him tidy up the graves and make offerings? This, this... Complicated emotions ran through Wu Xingzi. Never in his life had someone made such a solemn promise to him before.
He lived in loneliness, and when he died, there would definitely be no one who would bother about him. At the most, Auntie Liu and her family would lay him in his coffin and deal with his funeral, and Wu Xingzi too did not wish to trouble other people with anything more than that.
Exactly what was it between him and Guan Shanjin? Why... Joy, doubt and confusion all tumbled together. In the end, they converged to form Mr. Lu's face. A shiver ran through Wu Xingzi, and his brain immediately became alert.
Guan Shanjin and Mr. Lu were the ones who would be together. No matter if it was the matters to do with life or death, Wu Xingzi had nothing to do with them. Perhaps, in their current relationship, there would be promises made. However, they would later be going on their own paths. If someone were to ask Wu Xingzi what was the thing that left him the greatest impression after being an adviser for so long, it would be that one could not leech onto anyone else for their entire life.
There were even times when a family could fall out and turn on each other. A husband and wife may be together, but if a disaster were to happen, they could still abandon each other. There was no friendship between Guan Shanjin and him, and they did not even know each other for a year. Such sweet and sentimental promises might not hold forever. When people were in the midst of such affections and tender feelings, whose words would not be so moving?
Even so, because of Guan Shanjin's promise, Wu Xingzi felt sweetness welling up within him. Still, the sweetness also made him feel alarmed.
He really had to leave.
Even if Hei'er and Rancui did not urge him to do so, he could not continue staying here any longer. Every word and action of Guan Shanjin was like the spring rain, a quiet drizzle upon his heart, slowly submerging it. Unconsciously, without a sound, they had taken away his heart that he had kept guarded for twenty years. However, this man would soon be spending the rest of his life with another in the blink of an eye.
Wu Xingzi pressed on his heart lightly. Bowing his head, he was unwilling to expose himself and his thoughts to Guan Shanjin. Today's heartache was something he had sought out himself, and he could not blame anyone for it. Just like in the past when he liked Yan Wenxin, it was something he was willing and happy to do.
However, why did they all refuse to bid him farewell properly? When it came to their separation, why did they always choose to leave him with such sweetness and promises? Wu Xingzi could not understand, and he knew that he no longer needed to think about this anymore.
"What's wrong?" Guan Shanjin frowned. He noticed that the person in his arm had suddenly distanced himself, but he could not understand why it came about. He could only tightened his arms fiercely, desperately wishing that he could absorb every inch of this person into his blood and body.
"I'm tired..." Wu Xingzi replied gloomily. After a few struggles, he finally freed himself from Guan Shanjin's arms. Rolling onto the bed, he pulled up his blanket."Haiwang, you should go to sleep too. It's going to be a busy day tomorrow."
Guan Shanjin frowned, a vague sense of unease stirring his heart. However, Wu Xingzi had always been very meek, and this was not a good time to explain the matters of Mr. Lu. He thought that after the wedding, he would take Wu Xingzi to the capital. There, he would prepare delicious food and fun things to play, and he would be able to appease him. It would not be too late to explain everything to Wu Xingzi once tomorrow's matters were dealt with.
Having made a decision, Guan Shanjin did not move to pacify Wu Xingzi, but turned around and hugged him to sleep.
Early next morning, not long after Guan Shanjin left Shuanghe Yard, Wu Xingzi too got off the bed. In a daze, he sat by the bed for a long time.
From a distance, he seemed to hear the joyful music of a marriage happening, as well as the firecrackers going off. It must be a bustling scene.
He did not know why Mr. Lu would still be getting married, but this no longer had anything to do with him!
Checking over his luggage one more time, Wu Xingzi changed into clothes that were more suitable for horse riding. Nervously, he paced around the room, even unable to eat his breakfast. As such, he shoved a few buns into his luggage, thinking that he would be able to have them on the road later.
An unknown amount of time passed. Wu Xingzi's palms turned sweaty, then dried, and sweaty again. Suddenly, the half-open window creaked, and Wu Xingzi was so frightened that he jumped on the spot. His heart had nearly leapt out of his throat, but what appeared in front of him was a familiar tall figure.
"Mr. Wu, shall we go?" This person was naturally Hei'er. Dressed in a shuhe, he looked just as though he was about to depart on an ordinary journey. On his shoulder was a small bag, and he walked forward to grab the luggage in Wu Xingzi's hand."Don't worry, all the masters of the General's estate are heading to the Yue family's manor now. No one will notice that you're leaving."
"Ah..." Wu Xingzi nodded continuously, gulping hard a couple of times before he asked, "Would Mint and Osmanthus be reprimanded?"
He was worried that by leaving like this, without giving any notice, the two young girls would get into trouble.
"Please don't worry, Mint and Osmanthus will be going to the capital as well." Pointing outside, Hei'er was a little surprised."They're both waiting for you in the courtyard."
Hearing that, Wu Xingzi quickly ran to the window. The two young girls were really standing there, bags in their hands, looking over in his direction. Wu Xingzi felt relieved, but at the same time, he felt rather apologetic. Previously, he dared not ask if the girls would like to follow him. After all, he was not sure when they would be able to return home, but he was also worried about leaving them back in the General's estate. The thing that he had been worried over the entire morning was this exact issue.
Who would have thought that the girls of Bastion City were so much more decisive than him? The world was so big, there would definitely be somewhere for them!
Furthermore, the two girls were still young, and they did not have much concerns and reluctance about leaving their hometown. Treating the journey like a holiday to gain various experiences, they were extremely delighted. Also, they could not bear for their own master to have no one to take care of him in the capital! Fortunately, they would be there, and they could also chat and while away the time with him, could they not?
As such, the last worry Wu Xingzi had in Bastion City was gone. With Hei'er's help, he tumbled out through the window. The master and three servants secretly left the General's estate from the back door, and no one was alerted.
After a few minutes, under the urging of a dark skinned man, a simple carriage left Bastion City, flying down the road towards the capital...
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