novelGula's Starvation: I'm full
| ← Ch.36 | Ch.38 → |
Why did I go to such extents to consume such things?
I've received such a foolish query time after time after time...
It was a dialogue pointless enough to make me hold my stomach in laughter.
I'll bet there's nothing in this world more meaningless than a Demon's desire.
It's not that these longings exist because of us Demons.
It's because these longings exist that Demons live on. That's why you can't call a sin-less Demon a Demon.
... And... and just as I've become one who can't provide an immediate response to that senseless quandary, I guess I'm no longer something you could call a Demon either.
My awakening was a coincidence, yet also an inevitability.
My soul did definitely go out once, but as if it still had lingering regret, it displayed its gluttonous will-power, and returned.
Hazily, as if surfacing from a deep well of water, my consciousness came up, and naturally, the first thought that came to my mind was, 'why?'
Even if I may have been a Demon Lord who built up much power over a perpetual existence, a soul that's been extinguished can never return. There's no such thing as a second life. There shouldn't be.
But I found my answer soon enough.
Reflected in my sluggishly adjusting field of vision was a field of pebbles that went on to eternity.
Unable to understand what had happened, unable to fathom what to do, I simply leisurely surveyed my surroundings.
I should have been smack dab in the middle of a battlefield, but on the black soil was neither the Lord of Sloth nor his subordinates, and from the fact there wasn't even the traces of the flames from that Demon Blade around, I determined that a considerable amount of time had passed.
In my daze, I turned to the palm of my hand. My body was practically the same as the one I boasted before. The limbs I had become accustom to, even after taking so much damage from that lazy Lord, were left without a scratch, and I could make smooth movements without any support. It was as I the complex fracturing of my bones I felt in battle had been but a dream.
Simply, on a land that was nothing but vast, the Demon World's stars that hadn't changed in several tens of thousands of years shone down on me.
The words that came to my mouth without meaning were blotted with tears.
"Haa... haa... he didn't break my core... Leigie, are you not... an idiot?"
The reasons I was able to successfully revive likely numbered three.
First. Leigie' Skill did destroy my body quite thoroughly, but it was unsuccessful in crushing a Demon's heart, my soul core.
Second. His subordinates didn't even doubt my death, and they didn't confirm said core.
Third. The Dark Prison's land was vast, and in the time my soul core spent regenerating, no opposing force happened to pass by.
If even one of those had gone astray, my consciousness would have drifted into an eternal hell, the depths of a true Dark Prison, and never surfaced again.
... Well, I'll put aside whether that was a good thing or not.
Anyways, I confirmed that there was nothing wrong with my body. If there were, it would have to be with my heart.
Throwing myself down on the Dark Prison's soil, the dark color of gunpowder, I looked up at the sky.
Still in a trance. Even when I hadn't even started to think about it, the words poured out.
"Fufu... so I'm to... live in shame."
I doubt this was done by the Lord of Sloth's will. That man wasn't one who would do anything so troublesome.
But, still, it's quite certain that I lost. While bearing the name of the Devouring Lord, I met the first inedible matter in the course of my life.
And the satisfaction I felt at the very end of the end was enough to fill me up.
"I'm already full..."
I was satisfied. Not an iota of my hunger remained.
The moment when I resolved myself for death is one things, but now that it's been extended to my life, it's quite an ominous sensation.
My hunger was my enemy, and yet my friend. It's only because it was there that I was a Demon Lord, and I was able to eat up all of creation.
With that gone, the current me isn't even a Demon, and while this goes without saying, I'm definitely no Angel. I must be quite a fragment of an existence.
"Leigie, the truth is... you made me think it for the first time."
Thank you for the meal.
My last supper had long drawn itself to a close. Then what is with the current situation?
There's no god in hell. If there was, then what logic did he work by to put me on this land once more?
My comrades and vassals are gone. I've eaten everything. Even my family.
And this time, this time, my closest friend from over a hundred thousand years ago, my hunger, is gone.
Complete loss. In spite of my satisfaction, an abyss incomparable to starvation had opened up in my stomach.
After dying once, and reviving here, perhaps that was my compensation.
"Fufu... well, fine. If that' how it is, I'll play along a bit longer."
With no goal or will, I'll spend a life simply continuing down this endless path. How cruel must it be.
Even if I lack an objective, since I've already gotten on the rails, since I've already faced defeat, I've a need to tag along.
Also, if I do that, perhaps I'll be able to touch the purpose of that Lord of Sloth's power.
If I do that, then perhaps I'll learn the reason my hunger lost.
"Well, maybe wandering the Demon World without purpose for a while won't be too bad..."
I was always fighting. I was always devouring.
All just to sate my hunger.
Those were definitely absurd, and sweet, and fun days, but if I look back now, I was just being pushed around by my desire. After being cut off from my sense of starvation, I've realized that for the first time.
Then if it's now, with my hunger lost, with me not even as a Demon...
The view of this Demon World should become a little different from back when I was a Demon Lord.
Let's leave behind the world I called my dining table, and find a new one.
Moving my limbs for the first time in a while, I propped up my body, and stood.
A lukewarm wind brushed against my body. Noticing I wasn't wearing anything, I let out a sigh.
Naked is embarrassing... that's a sentiment I lost in a time long passed, but being left in this uncouth state isn't good. It would be inexcusable to the ones that disappeared into my stomach, the Demons of Gluttony who served me up until the end.
Well, perhaps this second take at life would be more insulting to them than anything, though...
Without uttering a word, I used a Skill.
I was just a little anxious, but even without my hunger, I was able to operate Gula Skills without a problem.
The manifestation of starvation. An unfathomably deep darkness gathered, and wrapped around my body. To me, these were my clothes for battle clothes, and at the same time, my ceremonial garments.
Gluttony Skills specialized in attack, so it's not like they'll really be of use as armor, but it's much more decent than being naked.
For arguments sake, I searched for my favored sword, but it didn't seem to be littered anywhere around.
That one was my favorite, and it's likely in the hands of one of Leigie's subordinates at this point. There was a Greed Demon there, so perhaps it's with him.
Well, that all doesn't really matter. Even that Greed-kun who whetted my appetite to that extent, now that I'd lost my appetite, held no more meaning to me then the countless foodstuffs scattered around the dirt.
"... I guess I should get going..."
I whispered.
I already knew what I was going to do.
I'll meet Leigie again. For that sake, I'll start walking forward. That was the only premise. When the girl he was supposed to have killed appeared before his eyes, just what sort of face would that man make? I was looking forward to it just a bit.
I gave an order to my body, which felt heavier than it ever had before, and put one foot out.
Just how desolate is this reality without hunger?
It's not like I'm damaged at all. Neither have my muscles declined in the slightest.
Simply through the fact I wasn't properly embracing a desire, through the fact I no longer held any strong will, it seems my body will become this hard to move.
The Demon World's map had names stuck onto it by the color of the soil, and the atmosphere surrounding it. Even if I didn't know my exact location, I had a general idea.
The surrounding region, all the way to the horizons, was filled with pebbles of black, with some ash colors mixed in here and there, taking in the sun's light without end.
And fitting of the name of the Lord of these lands, meaningless air filled with gloomy mana as if to lower one's spirits.
It's the proof of how, over long years, revieving power from the Lord of Sloth, the environment underwent a change.
Even thinking back to my oldest memories, it's not hard to remember how this was always the Dark Prison ruled by Leigie of Acedia.
Meaning if I proceed like this, then Leigie's stronghold... I'll arrive at the Castle of Shadows.
But is that really alright?
Isn't that like skipping the story, and directly going out to challenge the last boss?
By my estimate, my own power hasn't declined, but that's merely another peculiarity.
A Demon's power is their cravings. There's no way the current me that doesn't embrace hunger is of the same strength as the one full of nice and healthy appetite.
I hesitated for a few seconds, and decided to alter my objective.
At the moment, I don't hold the will to confront the Lazy King. I don't have any will to begin with.
It's no good to head straight for him. At the very least, getting a grasp on my own situation, and the current situation of the Demon World comes first. I've never experienced being regenerated from my soul core before, but I can guess that it hasn't been a short amount of time.
I mean, I have all the time I need. With my need to eat gone, looking back, it's been a frighteningly long time I've spent.
A map floated up in my head.
I thought of the closest fiefs to Leigie's unified lands.
The Egoist, Vanity Seidthroan. The Crimson Prison ruled by a Lord of Superbia.
Tyler Gredmore. The Golden Prison ruled by a Lord of Avaritia.
The one with the greater power would be Vanity, but the current me didn't have the heart to take on a Greed Demon. To line up a feast before me when I'm not even hungry, the thought alone sends shivers up my spine.
Vanity's pride was, strangely enough, not violent. With that in mind, it'd probably be best to set out for the Crimson Prison for now. His army's quality isn't that high, so even if my sustained existence is to be found out, I doubt they'll chase me too far.
After thinking that far, I noticed. Even without some grandiose goal, even when my hunger was non-existent, I was trying to live on.
That was just too strange, and I ended up giving a bitter smile.
"... Fufu... fu for my instinct for survival to still functions without desire..."
It looks like I'll have to change up my opinion on life a little.
I let out a sigh of grief, and began walking across the black earth, that seemed to extend on forever.
| ← Ch. 36 | Ch. 38 → |