novelI just don't dare to like you anymore
| ← Ch.659 | Ch.661 → |
Xu Tingsheng listened to Xiang Ning and returned to school. Then, he looked at his phone everyday like a young boy having his first love, waiting for it to suddenly ring, fantasising it...
From time to time, he would think about calling Xiang Ning's phone. Still, that button seemed to weigh a thousand kilograms.
Sometimes, he would delete and edit countless texts before finally piecing one together. Yet, he was unable to press the 'send' button.
Xiang Ning had always been shameless, benevolent, straightword and direct. Because of that, when she had said that she was simply unable to look past it this time, that she did not know what was real, that her mind was in chaos as she needed to consider things for a few days...
Xu Tingsheng had already been clear then that he was really on the brink of losing her this time.
Xiang Ning had never been the kind of person to dwell excessively on her feelings. As long as she was able to get through something, she would counsel herself, because she actually knew how to cherish very well, too well.
Suppressed and guided by the combined forces of Xingchen and Tianyi, Apple's matter was in the midst of slowly being quelled.
Even when the weekend arrived, Xu Tingsheng had still yet to receive Xiang Ning's call.
He spent the entire day mooning around on his dormitory bed.
Seeing that his state of mind was not right, Li Xingming who was diligently studying to be a public servant did not disturb him. Rather, when going to the cafeteria, he would help bring some breakfast or dinner back.
Finally, on Sunday afternoon.
His handphone rang.
Xiang Ning said, "Come home."
Xu Tingsheng leapt off the bed excitedly like he had gone crazy, swiftly driving towards their home.
He only stopped outside the door, on tenterhooks, rather afraid...
The door opened from inside.
Standing before him in her school uniform, Xiang Ning said, "Hug me. Hug me for a bit longer."
As Xu Tingsheng hugged her, Xiang Ning hesitated as it took a while before she slowly hugged him back... still, her grip soon relaxed again.
"It's different from in the past, Uncle Liar. When I hug you, I'm starting to have to think a lot, beginning to feel a bit afraid... I feel that this place isn't so safe anymore, " Xiang Ning pointed at Xu Tingsheng's chest.
She turned and entered first.
Following her in, Xu Tingsheng found many things laid out neatly on the living room sofa.
"It's not that I'm returning everything to you. It's also not that I definitely won't come back. Still, I don't know just how long that might be... so, I'm only taking away some things I need to use first. Many of these were given by you to me. So, this isn't a girl getting angry and returning presents. It's just, I'm sorry... I don't know what to say, " She carried her bag.
The instant the tears rolled down, she lowered her head, seeking to go past Xu Tingsheng.
Xu Tingsheng grabbed her.
He had not dared to do so in his previous life. In this life, he dared not let go.
"Xiang Ning, it's not that serious. You also saw Apple's explanation."
"Yes, but I'm just afraid..."
"I won't lie to you again."
"Really?" Xiang Ning who had been trying hard to act calm and normal throughout burst into tears as she asked loudly, "Then, what if I tell you that You Qinglan came looking for me yesterday, and whether unintentionally or not, let slip a matter?... Will you feel afraid?"
You Qinglan had come looking for Xiang Ning and let something slip... Xu Tingsheng's entire mentality collapsed at this moment.
"So, is this compensation?" Xiang Ning raised the big box containing the wedding gown, "I was so happy that day... seeing the silly me being so foolishly happy, you guys must have been even happier."
"Sob... I don't know you anymore, Uncle Liar. Do you know? When you hugged me earlier, I didn't feel secure at all."
"I don't want Xu Tingsheng anymore. I want Uncle Liar. Please, can you return me Uncle Liar? I want noodles, I don't want a big house. I want fried dumplings, I don't want a beautiful wedding gown. I want to listen to you sing, I don't want any shares... I want you to give me lessons..."
Xu Tingsheng suddenly discovered that facing Xiang Ning's tears at this moment, the reborn him, the supposedly omnipotent Xishan Tower's Xu Tingsheng, was actually unable to do anything at all.
"I should have guessed it when you weren't willing to get engaged."
"What happened with the engagement really wasn't because of anybody else. It was just..." Xu Tingsheng tried to explain, but how could he explain Zhou Yuandai threatening him with her life?
"You aren't willing to have me. It's definitely in consideration for me. Still, I'm not grateful the least bit, " Xiang Ning ignored his explanation as she continued to speak.
"You actually regret it, right? You don't like me anymore. You're just afraid of hurting me."
"No, I've always liked you, always, always."
"The one you like is someone else. You're using me as her replacement... maybe she's also called Xiang Ning, maybe she's called something else. Maybe we look very alike. Ever since you found me in the beginning... you treating me well was really all irrelevant to me... you were only compensating that person. Isn't it?"
"I don't know your story. Still, I know that the person you like and feel for is actually her, not me."
Xu Tingsheng said, "But you are her."
"If I am her, who is she? Tell me, or let me meet her. Did she... meet with a mishap? Do we look similar? Or...
"But, she clearly is..." Xu Tingsheng found that he had no way of explaining at all.
The intense conflict suddenly abated as only Xiang Ning's low sobs remained in the room.
Tired out from crying, she sat on the floor.
Xu Tingsheng poured her a cup of water.
She drank a mouthful. Then, she kept on coughing, kept on coughing...
Setting down the cup of water, Xiang Ning stood up and said, "I'm going to school."
Xu Tingsheng's voice was completely stuck in his throat...
"I was going to go off secretly originally. Still, I couldn't bear to do it, because I really wanted to see you, because I like you. Even if I am only a replacement, I still like you, Xu Tingsheng. I really like you. Still, I just don't dare to like you anymore."
"Actually, I'm already seventeen, studying in eleventh grade. How would I not know just how special Xu Tingsheng is? I also know Xu Tingsheng likes me, which is all the more surprising. But I've never thought about this... I tried hard to tell myself not to overthink it, tried very hard to treat you as merely normal. A normal process, a boy falling in love with a girl."
"When you built me Ning Garden, I just treated it as you building me a house of blocks."
"You gave me Xingchen Technologies' shares, worth a few hundred million. Everyone said that it was so frightening! Still, I told myself that we're getting married anyway. There's no need to be afraid."
"I'm not stupid. I also haven't learnt how the world works. I just very foolishly thought that no matter what, I would still use the simplest heart to love the normalest you."
"But how are you normal? Maybe it's precisely because of this that there are so many things you have to lie to me about. I know that you dote on me... still, there is a lot more that I really don't know."
Xu Tingsheng stood there woodenly.
"I'm bringing my key away with me-I, very spinelessly, want to tell you that I might suddenly come back one day. If I'm that shameless, please don't laugh at me. I'm actually thinking that I may still like you, like you again when I've grown up. I'll definitely still be very brave."
Finally, she sobbed as she said, "Little Xiang Ning, likes, Xu Tingsheng."
The door closed.
| ← Ch. 659 | Ch. 661 → |