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| ← Ch.249 | Ch.251 → |
"Normally, we don't let people stay longer than a certain period, except for special cases. Even we cannot afford to keep everyone with us. But if you want, you may stay here."
Lefena excluded her emotions from her work and tried to sound official. Her cold voice made Edgar's anger cool down, and he started to see the reality.
The abbey had accepted him. Would he be able to survive outside? He wasn't sure. He had thought it would be rather better to die, but choosing death willingly wasn't easy.
"Thank you. For now, I do wish to stay here. But I don't want to be known for who I really am, and I don't want any special treatment."
The people, who he had escaped from, could be looking for him, so he had to keep a low profile, as much as possible. It wasn't bad for Lefena's side, either.
"Then I will treat you as one of the others. If you wish to stay here, you must work. It will be hard."
"I'll do anything."
Working was much better than receiving food and shelter for free. He hated feeling indebted.
He sounded quite enthusiastic, but Lefena looked at him in doubt. What kind of hard work would he be able to do? He had been a duke, and people of such high rank did nothing. They even had others do their buttons for them.
However, now he looked so wounded and worn that it was hard to believe he had been a nobleman before.
"I'll tell the abbot. Are you capable of doing calculations?"
Edgar smiled faintly at the question. He hadn't known he would be asked such a question ever since he was five.
"Give me a problem."
He couldn't even see, but he gave the answer to Lefena's complicated math problem just in seconds. It impressed the priestess greatly.
He was good at math, and it was a great ability. Considering his past, he was going to be a huge help, if only he adapted to life at the abbey.
"The abbot will be delighted to hear about this. I will have a place arranged for you, but I cannot let you have a room of your own."
"It's fine."
"Do you need anything else?"
Silence came. He wasn't saying no, so he probably wanted something.
"I'll get you anything I can get you."
"Could... you give me a string to make a necklace?"
"A string?"
Edgar took out the ring he had barely managed to take with him when he escaped.
"I wish to have this on my chest."
"Then, here it is."
What Lefena gave him wasn't an ordinary leather string but a metal chain. At first, he thought about refusing, but then he thought using it would be even better, so he put the ring through it and put it around his head.
He could feel the ring on his chest. It was so light, compared to the weight of the sins he was bearing. However, if he used it in his moment of death, he would be able to go back to the past. He wouldn't be able to stop the tragedy of that day, but he would be able to stop the other tragedies.
'Although the kingdom might fall nevertheless... '
Thinking of that made him lose his confidence. Would he be able to make the choice? Would he be able to sacrifice his own nation for the peace of the entire continent? Many of his fellow countrymen, including the king, would probably blame him.
'Either way, I will get all the blame. '
He had no choice. Edgar then bowed his head to Lefena and exited the room.
"Well? How did it go?"
Rubica was there to lead his way again.
"She said I may stay here as long as I want."
"Oh! That's good."
He looked a lot lighter than before he went into the priestess's room, and she was glad about it. As he was blind, she had been worried about what would happen to him after his time at the abbey ended.
"What... is that ring? Has the priestess given it to you?"
"No, it's mine."
"I see."
For some reason, his reply disappointed her. Did he make some kind of mistake?
"Oh, then I'll show you around! We have a carpenter here, so he will be able to make you a cane."
Soon, she regained her usual brightness and led him with her cheerful voice. Just like that, his life at the abbey began.
Nevertheless, he didn't become a believer. He just couldn't bring himself to believe in the god of love. He hadn't given him a sign because he had no faith? What nonsense.
'He should have had someone else to tell me. '
Of course, if a priest had shown up and told him he came with a sign from the god, he would have dismissed him as a fraud or a madman and kick him out, but still, he blamed the god for that.
However, he didn't get to blame him for long. The life at the abbey was extremely busy, and most of the people there found him too bothering. He couldn't see, and most didn't want to spend time teaching him things.
Each time it happened, Rubica ran along to teach him. She seemed to feel somewhat responsible for him as she had been the person who found him.
Naturally, he followed her. Her cheerful laughter always made him feel better. She never got mad at him, even when he made mistakes, and he started to admire her for that.
Wasn't she suffering? Didn't she find such life painful? Sometimes, very rarely, he cried quietly. He hadn't known he would ever do such weak things.
One day, she eventually saw him crying. She was the last person he had wanted to see him like that. He worried she might think he was crying because life at the abbey was too hard for him.
However, she tried to neither scold him nor console him. She just sat down next to him and held his hand while he cried.
"Are you happy?"
When he was done crying, he abruptly asked her. He didn't know why he was asking that. She was always so bright, and to him, it was strange. He wondered maybe she was actually miserable and was just trying to pretend to be happy.
"Hmm, I guess so."
"Don't you hate your life? Everything has been... devastated by the war."
"It would have been better if the war hadn't broken out. But do I blame it... no, I don't think so."
Rubica told him about how her life had been. How her uncle and aunt had mistreated her, how she had done nothing every day except for crying. Her uncle and aunt had been so mean to her, but still, they had been her family, so she had been sad when they were killed.
"When everything was destroyed, I was sad and didn't know what to do."
The war was cruel. But if it hadn't taken place, would she have been able to get away from her uncle and aunt? She would have been locked up in Berner Mansion to this age, being forced to work every day.
Living at the abbey was much better than such life, although she had to starve a little. At least her work was appreciated.
"I can say this only because I survived, but I was freed by the war. Before, I blamed my life every day and spent all my time wishing I was dead. But now, I am grateful I didn't die back then, and now I know there are very small but certain joys in this world."
"Are... you saying the war started your happiness?"
Rubica looked at him. He looked somewhat anxious and earnest.
"I know it's a sin to say this, but yes. I became happy after the war broke out."
She wouldn't have said such a thing to anyone else, but the man truly trusted her and relied on her, and she didn't want to lie to him.
After some time, his eyes started to become teary again. But now, he was crying for a totally different reason.
"Thank you."
"Why... are you thanking me?"
After Edgar was betrayed by the guard he trusted, he had just guessed his stolen invention would bring misfortunes to the world. However, the reality he got to face after he escaped was much worse than he imagined.
He thought he had made everyone miserable and didn't know how to redeem the sin. Even his anger for his father's denial, which had tortured him so much in the past, was dimmed in the face of it. His own sins were too big to blame anyone.
| ← Ch. 249 | Ch. 251 → |