novelHoly Sh*t! Can This Be? This… Was This The Legendary——GREAT. AUNT?!
| ← Ch.11 | Ch.13 → |
When they got home, they each returned to their rooms.
Su Jian showered with much difficulty, then, as usual, wore a long T-shirt as a sleep shirt. He then happily sat in front of the computer and played some games.
Midway through, he became thirsty so he got up to go get a drink of water. His eyes inadvertently swept across the white chair. And he suddenly froze.
What's that red stuff on the chair?!
Su Jian hurriedly touched his behind with his hand.
Su Jian looked at his hand, and couldn't help letting out a shout. Holy sh*t! A handful of blood! Ah!
Su-girly didn't have anything wrong with her body, did she? Didn't she just have a broken bone? Why is she bleeding from her butt? Can it be? Could Miss Su actually have hemorrhoids?
Right when he was looking at a handful of blood in shock, An Yize who'd heard his shout opened the door and came in.
"What's wrong?"
Su Jian hurriedly showed him his hand in a panic, "Blood! I'm bleeding! I don't know what's going on either!"
An Yize stared at that bright color, face full of fear, and asked him, "Did you bump your leg?"
Su Jian hurriedly shook his head, "No, I didn't! I was sitting here, and I didn't even move!"
An Yize frowned even deeper, "Let me see."
Then, An Yize was frozen on the spot.
An Yize woodenly looked at Su Jian. And with a taut voice replied, "When is your time of the month?"
"Time of the month?" Su Jian hadn't yet gotten over his shock. He shook his head dazedly, "I don't know..."
An Yize was stunned. Then, he realized that she had amnesia so it was perfectly normal that she wouldn't remember such a thing. He said, "It should be about now. You can take care of it yourself." Then he turned to leave.
"Hey! How can I take care of myself! I-" Su Jian pulled at An Yize. He hadn't yet finished speaking when he suddenly had a flash of insight. Time of the month? What kind of time of month do girls have? It can't be what I'm thinking...
Holy sh*t! Can this be? This... Was this the legendary——GREAT. AUNT?![1]
Su Jian felt the heavens falling and the earth rending in a majestic roar.
Although he understood that he had already become a woman and that it was only a matter of time before he met the great aunt, he truly didn't think it would be so soon or that when the day arrived, he would feel as if he was inside of a chaotically raging tornado.
Su Jian, a drag queen/manly man, was terrified to the point of being at death's door by the great aunt. He disregarded boundaries to grab at An Yize, ashen-faced in despair, as he asked, "What do I do?..."
An Yize was shocked and embarrassed. How was he supposed to know what to do?!
But when he saw the call for help in the panicked eyes of the little girl in front of him, with such a pitiful expression on her face, he couldn't say anything like that at all.
Realizing that her leg made it inconvenient for her, An Yize was silent for a moment. Then, with his expression taut, he asked, "Where do you put your... sanitary products?"
"Huh?" Su Jian was dazed, then came back to his senses. He pondered over what was asked. Ah! He must mean those so-called menstrual pads! Suddenly, his face became downcast. He shook his head, "I don't know."
'Amnesia' was such a great excuse that An Yize had no suspicions. He pulled her hand off him, and with an icy face started searching through her drawers and wardrobe. Nothing. He searched through the bathroom, but there still wasn't anything to be found.
Su Jian continued to look at him pitifully, "None? What do I do?" Actually, even if there was some, I wouldn't know how to use them! Okay?!
An Yize could still be considered calm. He picked up the phone and called the neighborhood grocer's delivery hotline.
In the end, because it was so late so no one picked up the phone meaning the grocery store was already closed.
An Yize: "......"
Su Jian was about to cry."Is there any other way?"
There was another way, but... to ask him, President An, to buy menstrual pads for a woman in the middle of the night? The normally calm, composed President's An's temple veins bulged to the point of bursting!
Su Jian thought that letting An Yize go out shopping was the only solution now. After all, when he visualized the scene of him buying menstrual pads himself, he felt like he was going to fall over dead.
Consequently, he was incomparably grateful that he had a broken leg.
"Yize..." Su Jian gently pulled at An Yize's sleeve. He looked up pitifully and innocently at him. He felt that he was getting better and better acting like this.
An Yize didn't say anything.
Of course, Su Jian wouldn't let him off lightly. He begged in a soft voice, "Can you go buy them now, please?"
Although An Yize had a deadpan expression, waves of remorse started to rise in his heart. At the time, why did he have to get married willfully? And why pick this girl?
Su Jian was still gently shaking him, "Yize... hubby..."
Finally, An Yize squeezed out from between clenched teeth, "Wait here!"
Su Jian was immediately all smiles.
Due to the late hour, many stores were already closed so An Yize drove a bit before he could finally complete his mission.
When he came back, Su Jian was leaning on a crutch, standing by the couch in a daze from being afraid to sit.
An Yize carried in a full-to-bursting shopping bag and placed it in front of him. He expressionlessly said, "I don't even know which type you like, so I bought every type."
When he thought of a weird way the store sales clerk looked at him, his expression became darker than black.
Su Jian said with heartfelt gratitude, "Thank you."
An Yize gave a wry smile. He didn't say anything more and quickly went back to his own room.
Su Jian went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet trying to understand how to use a menstrual pad.
Then, he freaked out. Your mom! Why are there so many different types of menstrual pads? What?! Day? Night? Extra-long overnight? Extra-thin? Ultra soft cotton? Winged? Wingless? And this little... panty liner?
Su Jian felt extremely troubled and distressed.
He researched a long time before finally figuring out how to use a menstrual pad. Su Jian then awkwardly exited the bathroom.
Su Jian didn't sleep well on this night.
Because he had a nightmare.
In his dream, the world became a bloody expanse of water in which he was drowning. He couldn't fight it, so his trickle of sadness overflowed into a river of tragedy...
............
The next day, Su Jian was listless.
It wasn't because of his great aunt's unexpected visit. He was equally shocked and uneasy, but after one night, he didn't feel that awkward anymore. He was in low spirits simply because he was in pain.
His stomach hurt.
As a result, he was in no mood to go out or play games all day. He only watched TV while lazily curled up on the couch, furrowing his brow while trying to stay motionless.
The pain was so bad that he finally couldn't help but give An Yize a call.
"Hey. When you come home, can you please buy some medicine at the pharmacy for me? Medicine for stomach pain!"
When An Yize answered the call, Ji Mingfei was next to him. He heard that the call was from Su Jian so he waited until after the call to make fun of him, "What's up? Sister-in-law wants you to come home to eat dinner again?"
An Yize frowned, "She says her stomach hurts."
Ji Mingfei became grave, "Her stomach hurts? Did she eat something bad?"
An Yize shook his head, "I don't know, either."
Ji Mingfei suggested, "Maybe you should take her to the hospital for an examination? After all, she just had a car accident. A stomachache could be a big or small problem. It might be food poisoning, or it could be appendicitis. Of course, women... can also have... menstrual pain..."
After hearing "menstrual pain, " An Yize froze for a moment.
Of course, Ji Mingfei was able to detect even the smallest change in his expression. So he understood right away and patted his shoulder, "I used to have a girlfriend who had terrible menstrual cramps, but, later, it got better."
An Yize couldn't help but ask, "How did it get better?"
Ji Mingfei said in deadly earnest, "Eh? You don't know? Most of the time, after women who have menstrual cramps have had sex with a man, the pain will go away. So, I think that you shouldn't need to go buy medicine. Why don't you go home and... with that girl in your house...? Okay! Okay! I won't say it! I won't say anymore!"
Although he shut his mouth for the time being, Ji Mingfei felt wronged. He silently sassed: I suggested this with heartfelt, good intentions, brother! It's not good for a man to hold it in too long! *sigh* I'm afraid that no one would believe that the handsome, mature President An of CMI, the well-loved third young master of the An family, is actually a thirty year old virgin! Ah! A virgin...
.....................
When An Yize got home, Su Jian was still curled up on the couch.
When he saw him come home, Su Jian said weakly, "Did you buy the medicine?"
An Yize placed the bag of medicine on the coffee table, "I bought it." When he saw Su Jian's wan expression, he sat next to him."Does it hurt a lot?"
Su Jian weakly snorted, "Do you want have a go?" Your mom! Only now did he know how hard it was for his fellow women. Once or twice didn't matter much. The main point was that his fellow women had to endure this suffering every month! What kind of strength did it take to bear the suffering?! How mighty did they have to be to endure it silently? No wonder there was a saying that went: On this Earth, a woman, the type of living organism that can bleed for seven days a month yet stay alive, is simply an existence in defiance of nature!
An Yize was speechless. He remained silent for a while, then asked, "Have you eaten yet?"
He felt so bad that he didn't even want to move, much less cook! Su Jian shook his head then watched An Yize take out his phone to order takeout. He suddenly said, "They have to be dishes that enrich the blood!" Your mom! He bled so much today; he'd never bled that much in the previous twenty-nine years of his life! This made him both bewildered and distressed! If this keeps on, he would definitely become anemic![2]
When he heard this, the corner of An Yize's mouth twitched, but he still did as was asked and ordered dishes that enriched the blood.
Su Jian was thirsty but he didn't feel like moving so he commanded An Yize, "I'm thirsty. Go get some ice water from the refrigerator for me."
An Yize was about to get up when he had a realization and sat down again. He gazed intently at Su Jian as he said solemnly, "You can't drink ice water right now."[3]
Su Jian blinked, 'Why?"
An Yize's face remained expressionless as he stiffly said, "You know very well."
Su Jian innocently said, "I really don't know."
An Yize was extremely troubled. How does this girl usually take care of herself?
Actually, An Yize had just learned of this. As it turned out, women shouldn't eat raw or cold foods during their period. All of this information came from the pharmacy clerk. In order to buy the right type of medicine, An Yize had no choice but to put on his sunglasses and drum up the courage to ask questions at the pharmacy. The elderly auntie salesperson at the pharmacy immediately understood when she heard that he wanted medicine to manage menstrual pain."Is this for your wife?" This was followed by a long-winded praise session regarding how good of a husband he was and how lucky his wife was. She even enthusiastically brought up a few tips on what women needed to pay attention to while on their period so he could better take care of his wife. In the end, An Yize pretty much fled, poker-faced, while carrying the bag of medicine.
In any case, this girl lost her head last night in fear as if she was caught totally unaware. Could it be possible that even this could be forgotten?
When he thought of this, his expression darkened.
However, he still stood up and poured Su Jian a cup of hot water.
The takeout was delivered rather quickly. Because An Yize hadn't eaten dinner either, he sat down at the dining table with Su Jian. Su Jian moodily propped his head up with his left hand. As he looked at the fine array of dishes in front of him, he suddenly said, "I've suddenly thought of a phrase."
An Yize looked up at him...
Only to hear Su Jian sigh regretfully, "Women... eat food, squeeze out milk, and leak blood! Ah!"
An Yize: "......"
...............
In the evening, Su Jian was thirsty so he went to get some water. As he passed the refrigerator, he inadvertently noticed that a piece of paper had been added to the refrigerator door.
It was a sheet of copy paper covered with a lot of words. Su Jian curiously approached to take a look, then he became slack-jawed.
He could only stare at the words written at the top of this piece of paper: "Matters to take note of during a woman's period."
There were only two people in the house, so there was only one person who could have written this.
Su Jian though shamefacedly: Did An Yize do this to warn him or was he trying to learn these things himself?
After some reflection, he felt that the former option had a higher probability of being correct. Thus, he awkwardly viewed the entire page with a willingness to learn.
Wow! This great aunt is no joke! You can't do this! You have to pay attention to that...
After he finished reviewing everything, Su Jian was left speechless as he ripped the paper from the door while looking towards An Yize's room.
How could he say it? For his damned love rival to do this was extremely awkward and embarrassing, but he couldn't deny that he seemed to be a teensy tiny bit less of an eyesore now.
Footnotes:
[1]The great aunt is a euphemism for a woman's monthly flow, or, as some call it, a period.
[2]Enriching the blood is something common in Chinese herbal medicine. To see what kind of foods enrich blood, please take a look at the line under blood tonification in the following link: www. chinesemedicinedoc. com/boulder-acupuncture/articles-and-handouts/diet-chinese-medicine/#blood
[3]An Yize is referring the Chinese belief that cold foods and ice can exacerbate menstrual cramps.
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