novelBertia (17 Years Old) [1]
| ← Ch.10 | Ch.12 → |
Translated by: LynneSuzuran & Senhiro
"Tia, what color would you like for your graduation party dress?"
Finally, something happened one day on an early afternoon, three months before my graduation ceremony.
That day, the school-related events and lessons finished early, and I passed the time leisurely drinking tea together with Bertia at a deluxe suite.
Bertia listened to my request and spent her time together with me whenever she was available, but her usual glittering and sparkling eyes darkened as soon as the topic of the graduation ceremony was brought up.
Because of that, I tried not to bring up anything related to Baroness Heronia, the graduation ceremony, and the otome game as much as I could.
I detested purposely bringing up the kinds of topics that make her eyes darken. When such a time comes, I think it's irrational to have an argument with each other that has no end in sight, and letting the matter run its course is also concerning.
However, now that the graduation ceremony was coming up soon, I had to say something about that topic.
Regarding the matter of Baroness Heronia, we have been steadily proceeding in our private circle with everything without Bertia, the other students, or the teachers knowing about it. All the necessary preparations were finished so there was no problem, but the preparations for the graduation ceremony itself couldn't be carried out within just [our private circle].
Needless to say, I had to have Bertia, who's my fiancée participate as my partner on the appointed day.
"Graduation party dress?"
The happy expression that Bertia had, as she stuffed many bite-sized baked sweets that could be eaten in one go into her mouth, changed into a stiffened expression.
...It's not a big deal, but the point of the baked sweets being small enough to be eaten in one go should be to avoid the stuffy cheeks that you have right now, you know? If you put a lot of pieces at the same time into your mouth, then there's no meaning to it, right?
Then, she tried to gulp down her saliva... or so I thought, but since her mouth was packed with stuff, one would normally end up gulping down the food. With that, her figure wouldn't look good, right?
"Yeah, that's right. It's a general rule to go to the graduation party with a partner. And there's an implicit rule dictating that those with fiancées should go along with their engagement partners....Since you're kind, you wouldn't refuse to come as your fiancé's partner and make me end up as a pitiful man, right? That's why, I would like to give you a dress as a present for being so kind."
In order to brighten up the atmosphere of the place even for a little bit, I purposely made fun of her, and Bertia clumsily smiled a bit.
"Bu-but, wouldn't it be fine to go with the heroine? Instead of me, giving the dress to her would be..."
"Tia. I'm asking my partner, and that's you."
Bertia looked at me with her upturned eyes and an uneasy gaze, and the words I let out in order to interrupt her words were unexpectedly biting that even I was astonished at myself.
Perhaps because she noticed the irritation that my voice contained, her body trembled with a jump, and the sweets she held on her hand were crushed on the spur of the moment.
"...Ah, you're really... Your beloved sweets were destroyed, you know?"
I paused briefly as I held back the irritation that was welling up inside of me and stood up as if nothing stood over the table and took her hands that were grimy from the wreckage of the sweets.
The moment I touched her hand, this time, her hand trembled once more in her uneasiness, but I pretended not to notice it and slowly opened her hand, collecting the crushed sweets.
It's bad after all, isn't it?
Perhaps it's due to the instability that comes with puberty that my emotions were very unstable these days.
Without even noticing it myself, I ended up feeling restless at her every action.
Since I have never lived with this kind of thing up until now, I was honestly perplexed.
Well, but for some reason, as long as it wasn't a matter related to her, I could operate as usual. Because my feelings weren't particularly unstable, it didn't impede me from doing my duties as the crown prince, so it wasn't particularly a big problem.
"Yeah, the sweets were quite delicious."
During the time when her maids were quickly preparing for a wet cloth in order to wipe her hand, I tossed a piece of the broken sweet from her hand into my mouth.
The form was distorted, but the sweetness that spread through my mouth brought some kind of a nostalgic feeling somewhere and managed to make me calm down.
When she took a glance at me, her face stiffened and turned bright red as she silently let me keep her hand.
When I looked at her appearance, I felt more healed compared to when I tasted the sweets' sugary taste.
"Yes, it's clean now."
I instructed Zeno with my gaze to bring over a chair next to her, where I sat down and took the wet cloth that the maids brought and wiped her hand myself.
The maids seemed to hesitate in giving me the task of wiping Bertia's hand as I am the crown prince, but when I smiled sweetly, they finally handed over the wet cloth without a word.
"So, Tia. What color would you like?"
After I finished wiping her hand, I placed it under my own palm and lightly grasped it... As if giving me a warning, Kuro who was right behind me knocked her bushy tail at my chair.
...I understand. Under the public gaze like this, I won't do anything more than this.
"Color..."
"Yes, the color. I have the design at my disposal, so could you decide it? Of course, I have properly selected something that would suit you well."
When I repeated the same question twice, Bertia whose face was still bright red slowly began to think. As I observed her like that, I smiled at her.
She seemed like she wanted to say something, but when she saw my smile with her sidelong glance, she couldn't voice any more words of refusal.
"...A calming yellow. N-no! As expected, blue is good!!"
After a bit of consideration, she chose the color that she usually wore the most with a slightly bashful expression... Then, her expression turned into a slightly taken aback expression, and she quickly retracted her choice and chose a different color.
When I inclined my head because I sensed something out of place in her reaction, she raised her eyebrows and gave me a troubled smile that looked like she wanted to cry.
"A-another different color will also do. Like red, or black, or... Yes, that's right! A color that's more villainous-like will be..."
Her hand grasped my hand tighter.
It might be her unconscious action, but I felt like that action of hers seemed as if she was clinging to me.
This girl who chose another color for her dress that's different from the color of my hair that she usually wears.
She rejected even the color of my eyes as if she was compromising and began to pick another color under the pretext of [more villainous-like].
From yellow to blue.
From blue to red or black.
From red or black to designating a color that's [more villainous-like].
Each time she blinked, the sadness in her eyes deepened, and I reflexively wrinkled my eyebrows at her as she swapped to colors that felt like she was getting further away from me with each one.
"Hey, Tia. Why don't you go with the usual yellow color? ...Or have you lost interest in yellow?"
Instead of somehow stopping my voice from lowering naturally, I narrowed my eyes as I smiled like always.
With eyes dyed in sorrow, she hung her head and didn't notice the extremely unpleasant smile plastered to my face.
The feeling of [losing interest] that can't really be described, is the most clear and familiar feeling to me.
Even for things that I thought might be good or kind of interesting, most of the time, they followed how I'd imagine them to go so I quickly tired of them.
If I just saw some of the beginning, I generally got the gist of how things would turn out, so I couldn't find it interesting.
I have experienced this kind of feeling many times over.
When that happens, the [interest] born inside of me would disappear in no time, and the thing that I felt to be slightly special up until that point would be considered as something no different from a stone rolling over on the roadside.
I was so used to that kind of thing as an everyday occurrence, but for the first time ever, I felt anxious when the position was reversed and I was put in the position of something she lost her interest in.
[Losing interest] is a familiar sensation. Therefore, the moment I thought of the possibility of her [losing interest in me], I had a vivid hunch of how her feelings had changed, and my heart felt as if it was grasped tightly, and I was attacked by the sensation of a cold chill running down my spine.
...No, why was I getting frightened by the thought of something foolish?
Her eyes are grieving over being separated from me and her [downfall] through me.
Her hand grasped tightly to mine, as if she was clinging to me.
Contrary to the words she spoke and the path she aimed at, her whole body revealed her true feelings towards me.
Because I compete against so many old schemers, I am not weak at probing into the subtle signs of others' emotions.
Even when taking that point out of consideration, since Bertia was fundamentally honest, despite whatever came out from her mouth, her feelings inevitably leaked out from the mood behind her actions and expressions.
There's no way I could make a mistake in reading her.
I should have understood that, but contrary to logic, my heart selfishly felt uneasy.
It's different from the kind of anxiety from instinct or intuition.
It was the feeling of being frightened that something with less than 1% possibility, was still not a 0% possibility.
"...I love yellow. Particularly the one with a hue similar to the calming color of milk tea, I just love it. Moreover, I also love the blue color that's similar to the clear night sky."
So she says, and right now, she's wearing a dress with a color that really resembles my hair and the antidote necklace I gave her resembling the color of my eyes, which she lovingly stroked with her free hand.
Aah, as expected, she is...
As I thought to myself, I exhaled the breath I had unconsciously been holding.
"...But, that's exactly why I don't want to wear them to the place where the [downfall] will happen. Such precious colors... Colors packed with lots of beloved memories... I don't want sad memories to paint over them."
I felt my stomach dropping.
And again, it's as I thought.
...Why are you trying to stay away from me so stubbornly?
"Hey, Tia. If it's really that sad, then what if we just don't do the [downfall]?"
I pulled her hand that was grasping tightly onto the necklace that I gave her towards me, and covered it with my other hand.
I bundled both of her hands and gently wrapped them up in both of my mine before I spoke in a soft tone to admonish her consciousness.
I noticed that her eyes that looked back at me in surprise were quivering as if in turmoil.
However, the core that existed deep inside her quivering eyes contained the look of determination that didn't waver the slightest bit.
"That's impossible. After all, I really want Cecil-sama to be happy. I want you and everyone else to be happy."
A bitter feeling filled my heart as she bit her lips tightly.
"If you think that way, then could you tell me the reason why others and I can't be happy unless the [downfall] is accomplished? Even if you couldn't find a method on your own other than achieving the [downfall], perhaps the two of us might be able to find a better method?"
Especially in Bertia's case, even though she's superior in terms of her studies, she's devastatingly poor at things like sensing the feelings or schemes of other people, keeping an eye on the situation and staying one step ahead of the other party to lead things in a favorable direction for herself.
Her strategy relies on her nerves and the methods are at a level that can't even be called strategies.
Fortunately, she was blessed with talented people surrounding her and she was quite popular, too. So, I thought that as long as I securely follow up for her, she'd manage somehow as the future queen. But in terms of the issue of her personal abilities, she would probably be classified as an [idiot].
Even though she told me, "there is no other way, " she's not very persuasive.
There's a high possibility that there is a better method, but she just hasn't realized it because she is an [idiot].
...If she'd only just tell me what important information she has hidden within her heart.
Though I think so, Bertia obstinately wouldn't confess about the thing related to that matter alone.
Because I understand that, I have stopped asking her about that matter.
Since it would be useless to spend my time towards something that wouldn't produce any outcome, that's why I thought that I should prioritize doing something that can be done.
However, for some reason, I couldn't refrain myself from asking her now despite knowing that it would be futile.
Despite the fact that the possibility she would talk is drastically low, making these feelings of wanting her to naturally tell me, of wanting her to rely on me, meaningless.
Even though my mind could think rationally, I realized that I was strangely operating on the dubious component called feelings.
Aah, how foolish.
I'm such a fool.
I wonder if Bertia's idiocy was projected onto me before I even realized it?
"I can't do that! Because..."
"Because?"
Bertia started to say something before tightly closing that small mouth of hers.
As usual, I stared at her moving mouth that suddenly stopped and attempted to ask her as I tilted my head while paying attention so that my tone wasn't forceful.
Judging from Bertia's stubbornness, it was very unlikely that the answer I was seeking would come from her mouth. I knew that, but for some reason, I was still holding my expectations.
However, as expected, my wish didn't come true.
"I really love everyone. That's why, I don't want anyone to get hurt. It is enough that only I... and my father who has committed crimes, be the only ones hurt."
But... he hasn't committed any crime?
I quickly swallowed back the words that were reflexively about to come out from my mouth.
Marquis Noches was currently on something of an undercover investigation together with Kulgan.
If I acted untactful and revealed that, it would put them at risk.
It is something that I can't say right now.
After all, it's Bertia's nature that she can't lie or deceive someone.
Aside from that, if we look at the bottom of the matter, the one who encouraged Marquis Noches to pursue the path of evil was you, right?
Because it is necessary for the [scenario].
I somewhat pitied Marquis Noches.
"Are you regretting your act of encouraging Marquis Noches to pursue the path of evil?"
"No, I'm not regretting it. Because it is something necessary. If it's not done, then a worse future is definitely waiting. This is a fate that must happen!!"
I'm troubled over how I should reply to Bertia who was clenching her fist tightly with her renewed determination.
...Sorry. I have already smashed that fate properly.
However, there's nothing to be worried for right now. And as for the trouble hereafter, I have Marquis Noches in the middle of cleaning it up neatly for me, so I think everything will turn out okay, see?
Still, I can't tell her that.
"That's why, Cecil-sama, please do the [downfall] without any reservation, and roam on the path of [a lovey-dovey happy end] with the heroine!!"
[Lovey-dovey happy end], was it?
I don't really understand the meaning of it.
From Bertia's tone, it would probably mean I'd become happy by being in a loving relationship with Baroness Heronia, but... even if I understand the meaning behind the words, I still can't understand its significance after all.
The Baroness Heronia from some time ago was a boring person with an unpleasant attitude, but as of now, she's the enemy who's hurt my fiancée.
There's no way I can think of a future where I can be happy loving that kind of person.
No, more importantly before that, it's normally unthinkable for me, as a person with a fiancée, to choose a path that would connect me with another woman.
Well, if the noble daughter who's my partner were to have a big flaw, it might be possible to break off the engagement with her given the reason that it was appropriate for the country's sake.
Bertia is indeed missing a few screws in her head, but for some reason, her popularity is quite high, and if I had to mention her abilities, there would be a fair amount.
She's a na?ve person who cares deeply for her mother, and she's also doing her best in her education as the future queen.
...While her memory might be quite a delicate subject, I heard that she managed to rank because her efforts exceeded the others greatly.
In addition, I myself think that she's cute and interesting and that there's no particularly conspicuous flaw.
...There aren't supposed to be any.
......Because the matter's scope can still be covered, so it's alright... or it should be.
At any rate, so far, I haven't felt any need to consider breaking off my engagement with her and choosing another woman.
Much less, if I were to compare her with Baroness Heronia, then it was certain that Bertia would be declared the winner.
Because there is a large difference between the kind of idiocy that irritated me and the kind of idiocy that I considered cute or amusing.
Besides, I think that my feelings towards these girls would be obvious if you were to look at the way I interacted with them.
One, if you look at my way of addressing them, I've been calling Bertia [Tia], yet I have never even called Baroness Heronia's name even in front of the person herself.
In front of my close aides, there have been times when it was necessary to say her name, but that's only [because it was necessary].
Even so, in accordance with the academy's intention that stated [all students are equal], basically it's an unspoken agreement that when you address a female acquaintance, you should address her with her first name followed by [-sama] or [-jou]. Despite that, I addressed her using [Baroness] as if I purposely wanted it to be heard and be understood that I was treating her as a stranger.
To begin with, in high society, it's not odd for her to be addressed as [Baroness Inderon], but there aren't any reasons for her to be addressed as [Baroness Heronia].
The wise people surrounding me would be able to guess my intention of that improper way of addressing her, that I [do not feel like treating her as even an acquaintance].
And then, on top of guessing that matter, since she behaved herself as if nothing had happened despite the fact that I purposely let her experience that, I continued to address her as it is.
And then, on top of being sympathetic to me, they2 also purposely, brazenly acted like nothing was wrong, I also continued to address her as so.
The one person who was near me and hadn't noticed would be Bertia.
To be honest, recently, I can't help but keep wondering why she hasn't noticed my very easy-to-understand intentions.
It's true that I operated behind her back so as not to be troublesome, but it was relatively easy to understand that I intended to appeal to our intimacy as fiancés when I was with Bertia.
There's no way I can afford to let the discord between the future king and queen be seen to those who like to spread rumors.
Even Shaun himself said these kinds of lines a few days ago: [Older Brother, you've been excessively concerned about Bertia recently], [As your relative, there were times when I felt embarrassed].
Reality has been altered to the point that it's already far too different from the outline of the world of the [otome game] that Bertia depicted, so I wonder why Bertia can't notice it?
I wonder why she can't envision a happy future in which I can walk together with her?
Does she really think that I'm such a disappointing man to the extent that I can't do anything to change the bad world that she depicted?
Or could it possibly be... that all the affections I felt from her were just illusions, and the truth was that she didn't want to find happiness with me?
These worthless questions spun around and around inside my head.
I felt very bewildered at myself being surprisingly unable to keep my logical reasoning, to the extent that the tips of my fingers turned cold.
I could somehow keep the smile on my face, but my cheek was so stiff that I couldn't move it at all.
It was as if there were one or two screws that were taken from inside of my head and disappeared somewhere else.
"Cecil-sama, I'm giving this to you."
On the surface, my expression remained unchanged as usual, but inside, I was shaken by indescribable emotions and thoughts. In front of me whose thoughts had frozen, Bertia held out a diary.
On top of the blue cover, there was a pattern of a fading golden ivy and a rose painting. This was indeed something she loved very much.
It's quite thick and gives off the feeling that it has been used for a long time. I received it as it was presented.
"This is?"
Although it was good to receive it, but when I considered how it would be for me to take a look at the content if it was truly a diary like it appeared, I asked her about it while lifting up the book lightly after I barely received it.
"It's my diary."
"Diary?"
As I expected when I looked at it, it was indeed a diary. Moreover, it was something that Bertia herself wrote.
It was truly just like Bertia for perfectly not betraying my expectations in this kind of situation.
However...
"Why would you give this diary to me, Tia?"
I don't understand the meaning of her giving me her diary.
Speaking of diary, with the exception of a special thing such as exchanging diaries between friends, isn't it usually be something that you wouldn't want others to see?
"...There were various evil deeds I have done to various people around the heroine for several years written inside that diary."
"...I see. And then?"
"Since Cecil-sama is a genius, I think that you would have enough evidence to bring me the [downfall] even without such a thing, but just in case, please keep a hold of it. It's my own personal diary. I think that it would surely be useful when the time comes!"
Looking at Bertia who began to speak about the diary at such a high speed in only one breath, I unconsciously furrowed my brow.
Oh, I see. This is supposed to be the evidence that can be used in order to bring her [downfall].
Until just now, I thought that it wasn't good to look at someone else's diary, but that thought was now blown away.
"Hmm, " while muttering that with a cold voice, I flipped through the pages with sidelong glances.
[Day × Month ○, Cloudy.
Today, I bullied the new maid. During tea time, when she made me the tea, I said, "This is bad. I won't drink something as bad as this, " and threw the cup to the floor, breaking it. Just in case the cup didn't break when it was thrown, I used a teacup that already had a bit of a crack in it that I'd found prior to the incident. I felt at ease because I didn't break a new one, it was killing two birds with one stone!! The moment I broke it, the new maid looked at me with teary eyes!! Satisfaction welled up in my chest. ]
Aah, she was speaking of that time, huh?
If I'm not mistaken, from the report that my [envoy] gave me, she brought the cracked teacup and purposely broke it in front of everyone, but... The teacup that she broke originally was cracked by the new maid, and because it was too expensive, she couldn't speak up about it and so concealed the matter, wasn't it?
On top of Bertia knowing it, she brought the originally cracked teacup, used a believable excuse, and broke the cup on her own, laying the blame on her and covering up for the new maid... it was supposed to be that kind of a moving tale, though.
Incidentally, the new maid was deeply moved by how Bertia covered up for her and on top of admitting her own mistake, she also pledged her allegiance to Bertia while shedding tears.
[Day □ Month △, Sunny.
Today, I practiced the method of making and tasting tea in the class. I had been waiting for this day to come. This was the time where I could teach the severity of society to Baroness Heronia, who is trying to snatch away my precious, His Highness, from me!! Since I had heard beforehand from Lady Joanna that we were going to form pairs to assume the roles of making tea and tasting it before assessing one another's skill for this lesson, in order so that I could properly pass some sarcastic remarks, I had been studying a lot about the ways and mannerisms in making and tasting tea!! In order to be able to make first-class sarcastic remarks, I practiced by making lots of complaints about the tea the maids made for me. As a result of that practice, I managed to say lots of sarcastic remarks!! In the end, Heronia-sama was red in the face and got angry with teary eyes. I felt so refreshed!!]
Come to think of it, that kind of thing did happen, and I heard about it from Lady Silica.
It was about how Bertia volunteered to be a pair with Baroness Heronia, with whom no one wanted to pair up with, and how the teacher was exasperated at Baroness Heronia's messed up choice of tea leaves, the timing for adding in the tea leaves, the temperature of the hot water, the steaming time, and her general carelessness, and very politely asked Bertia, "Please teach her."
I also heard about how in the end, Baroness Heronia got angry and her face turned red at her mistakes being pointed out by Bertia, and blamed Bertia's extreme critiques as, "It's because you hate me..., " in tears, and was glared at with frosty eyes by everyone else.
Afterwards, regarding the so-called [practice] with the maids, I heard that Bertia's [Short Course on How to Make Tea] became very popular among the maids?
My [envoy] also said that the popularity of Bertia, who guided the maids and freely demonstrated a skill she'd gone to great lengths to master herself, was considerably raised.
When I scanned through the pages roughly, almost all of her [evil deeds] seemed to be like that.
For argument's sake, even if she succeeded, it would only be considered as [a little bit mean], but since most were failures (though they succeeded in increasing her popularity), it can't be the proof of her [evil deeds].
If I were to submit this kind of thing as evidence, I would end up becoming a laughingstock instead.
...Well, if we were to speak of being Bertia-like, it was really something very much Bertia-like.
If it were the same as always, at this time, I would surely think of Bertia as [cute], [amusing], [very interesting], or [entertaining].
However, I wasn't thinking of it that way right now.
Even though her actions were amusing enough to me, the fact that she handed the trump card (or so she thought) in order to ensure the success of her [downfall] to me ruined it all.
"...Hey, Tia. Do you want to leave me that much?"
The cold voice dyed in gloom spilled out from somewhere within my subconscious.
Even though I understood that there was no way it could be true, I couldn't help asking.
I felt like a speck of black spot fell onto my heart, which normally didn't really have any color on it, for better or worse.
And it gradually spread.
Then, at the same time, I felt that my expression turned grim.
"Ce...cil...sama?"
Bertia stared at my face as if she was surprised.
Her upturned eyes looked nervous, and those big and beautiful eyes opened even wider.
In one corner of my head, the calm part of myself said, "Calm down."
Even so, the other part of myself couldn't be stopped.
"Tia said that my happiness would come by being tied to the heroine, but I wonder if that's really true? By all means, I don't think so....Because my current life is already sufficiently fun."
"T, that is... but... I mean..."
Even if she seemed like she wanted to say something, in the end, Bertia didn't say anything else.
The black spot inside of me spread even further.
"Truthfully, it's just Tia wanting to leave me, right?"
I should have known that those words would hurt her, who couldn't say anything, but the calm part of myself's control was shaken off and the other part of myself ran recklessly.
"T, that's not true!!"
Bertia, whose eyes were instantly filled with tears, shook her head with all her might.
"Your Highness..."
I heard Zeno's warning voice behind me.
However, I only heard it and nothing registered in my mind. I felt that it was nothing but just a sound.
"Then, why are you trying to run away from me?"
"I'm not running away! It's just, Cecil-sama is precious to me, so..."
"Hey, Tia. What's my happiness?"
"...To be tied with the heroine!"
It was the first time that I felt hateful to death towards Bertia who decisively declared that.
"Why do you still believe that kind of ridiculous notion?"
"Because I know the fate that's going to occur from now on."
"Is that really fate?"
"That's right....I mean, it's supposed to be."
At last, the beads of tears she couldn't hold back anymore trailed over her cheeks.
The eyes of her maids, Kuro, and Zeno were pained.
However, I couldn't yield here.
...That's what I believed.
It's not what I [thought]. Yes... it's what I [believed].
I took a deep breath.
After slowly blinking my eyes once, I stared at Bertia.
Bertia stared back at me with her eyes wet with tears.
"Then, I will destroy that fate."
"No, you absolutely can't!! It's going to be something that Cecil-sama will absolutely regret!"
"Unfortunately, there's just about nothing I've regretted."
"Why won't you do as I have told you?! With that, you're going to be happy, you know?!"
"If so, then why do you so obstinately refuse to tell me the reason why you want me to do so? If it's like that, then I couldn't make my judgment."
"That is..."
I sent a cold gaze that I had never given her even once up til now to Bertia who had held back her words once more.
"Let's end this conversation already. Tia, I'm going to choose the dress for you."
"Cecil-sama!!"
"This is the [game] that you started. Ascertain with your own eyes what kind of conclusion it will reach, okay?"
"..."
"At any rate, the graduation ceremony is close by whether you like it or not. The end of this [game], too, okay?"
"...I'm begging you. Please, be happy..."
"Yeah, I will show you. That's why... don't run away, okay?"
I laughed.
It was the same smile as usual.
However, for some reason I felt like my heart was bleeding.
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