novelFinding Oneself
| ← Ch.447 | Ch.449 → |
Raine felt Chris snuggle next to her and she smiled.
"I can't believe that's your first time, " Raine said, stroking Kay's bare back.
Kay giggled, hugging Raine closer and smashing her breasts against Raine's side. Both felt comfortable, and the positioning did not mean that they were getting turned on. In fact, it was just nice to snuggle up and talk right after.
"I had a good teacher, " Kay replied, kissing Raine's shoulder.
"So? Did this answer your question?" Raine asked, "About your sexual preference?"
Kay thought hard about it and said, "Well, to be honest, I still do not know. I mean, I enjoyed it immensely but..."
"But?"
Kay hesitated, then said, "It's not you, but after it was all over, I felt... well, like something was missing."
Raine smiled at that, then asked, "Was it perhaps, you just felt like me fingering you wasn't enough?"
Kay blushed at the direct question.
"It was as if you wanted it deeper, right? Despite the stimulant, despite reaching an orgasm, something was missing."
Raine laughed a bit, "What your body craved for, was a p*nis."
"So I'm not a lesbian? But I have not gotten attracted to any guy yet, " Kay protested.
Raine laughed more at that, "I never said you weren't, or you were. Just what your body wanted. You could still be a lesbian but would need to use a dildo or a strap-on to be fully satisfied sexually."
"If you're not turned on by a man, then you're a lesbian. What you do for sexual pleasure is not determined by what you use, or do after all, " Raine explained.
Kay sighed, "So that means I still don't know."
"You're still young, my dear, " Raine said softly, "You have time to explore, and find yourself. What's the rush?"
"No rush, " Kay said softly, "Just curious. It's not like I can go out like this all the time. My brother would kill me if he knew what I had done today."
"You have a brother? And he is that controlling of you?" Raine couldn't help but ask in amazement.
Kay nodded, laying her head on Raine's shoulder, "Twin brother. It's not that he controls me, but he is super protective. I was almost r*ped once, and he had saved me. So he's been extra vigilant."
Raine gasped, and looked at Kay. However, she didn't look traumatised. Thinking, Raine then said, "Perhaps that r*pe attempt has affected you, even though you don't think it did? Subconsciously, you reject men because of that dark episode?"
Kay thought about it and felt that it was most likely true. It was buried so deep inside that she wasn't thinking, but her body remembered?
"Perhaps, " Kay said, not refuting.
"If that's the case, then all the more you need to go out there and meet boys, " Raine said, "Don't reject them and get to know them. I'm not telling you to go and sleep with them, but go on dates. Find yourself."
Dates?
Like what Kyle was doing, in order to find 'The One'?
Why didn't she think of this before?
Then she sighed.
"That sounds like a good plan, but there's one problem, " Kay said.
"What is it?"
"My twin is the perfect guy. Drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, smart, sweet, kind and wonderful. How can I find a guy even close to that?" Kay said exasperatingly.
Raine turned to look at Kay and then smacked her lightly on the face.
Though it didn't hurt, Kay was still shocked.
Rubbing her cheek, she asked, "What was that for?"
"To bring you to your senses, " Raine said, staring at her.
Grabbing Kay by the chin, Raine said, "Why the heck are you comparing guys to your brother? He's your twin brother, so of course he's perfect!"
"After all, you are just like how you described your brother: gorgeous, sexy, smart, sweet, kind and wonderful. You reached out to me and treated me like a precious jewel. You saw and understood, without me telling you, what was bugging me and you healed me."
"Are you telling me that he's not been with any girl because they don't measure up to you?"
"Well, he hasn't found anyone yet either, " Kay mumbled.
"Is he trying?"
"Suppose so?" Kay replied, thinking of his plan on going out on dates.
"So? What's stopping you? Stop comparing, and see the guy for the guy, " Raine said, "If your brother is even 1% like you, you'll never find another guy - or girl."
Kay giggled.
"So is that why you were out tonight? On a prowl?" Raine asked curiously.
"No, " Kay replied, sighing."I was upset at my brother. He went out earlier because he was feeling depressed."
Raine gave Kay a hug, and said, "So you are feeling left out?"
"I feel like a part of me is missing, " Kay confessed, her voice getting smaller, "And when he shuts me out like that, I feel like he doesn't need me anymore."
"If your brother went out to sort himself out, he's not shutting you out, " Raine said, "You may be twins, but it doesn't mean you're not separate individuals, right? He's probably needing time just to find himself and settle the emotions within."
"You should find yourself, too. An identity other than your brother's twin, " Raine suggested.
Kay blinked. Raine was right.
In a whisper, Raine continued, as if she was talking about herself as well, "If you put your worth based on someone else, sooner or later, you'll find yourself being just a shell of a person."
"What would you do when he gets a girlfriend? Or married? What if he lives in another country?"
"I am not saying that he will abandon you, " Raine clarified, "But there is a possibility that you would live separately. What will you do then?"
Kay hugged Raine tighter.
"I never thought it would ever happen. We've always been together, " Kay replied.
"Then perhaps, you should start doing things for yourself?" Raine suggested, "I'm not saying leave your brother. But find some interest that is different from his, or has no relation to him. It's a start, right?"
Kay didn't answer.
Raine's words made sense but she couldn't see the future without Kyle being by her side at the moment. She knew that there was such a possibility, but she had shut it out of her mind.
Perhaps, this is a wake-up call for her?
She has to learn to live separately from Kyle.
"Don't worry, " Raine said, as if sensing Kay's distress, "You are stronger than you think. When the time comes, you'll know what to do and you can do it."
Both were silent then, and before long, both had fallen asleep.
? Flashback Ends. ?
Kay jolted back to the present.
She really had not known that the talk with Raine would come true sooner than expected. Although it was abrupt, and Kay was reluctant to go, she found strength in the words Raine told her.
She needed to find herself. She needed to live without Kyle beside her.
This was a good time as any.
Still, there was a hole in her heart.
[I miss you already, brother]
[I miss you, too]
| ← Ch. 447 | Ch. 449 → |