novelFear and helplessness
| ← Ch.0250 | Ch.0252 → |
However, it was useless at all. Jian Ran was so weak that she could collapse at any time, just like how she felt when she was sick in the past.
Perhaps it was because he was sick, and he was sick more seriously than usual. A single dose of medicine was no longer of any use.
Thinking about it, Jian Ran walked into the living room, poured herself a cup of water and took another pill.
After eating, Jian Ran returned to her room and laid on her bed. She closed her eyes, hoping that the effects of the medicine would quickly come out, so that she wouldn't feel so uncomfortable.
Jian Ran waited for a good while, but not only did her body not feel any better, she was also covered in cold sweat.
Two years ago, when she was discharged from the hospital, as long as she insisted on taking the medicine, she wouldn't have felt that anything was amiss. Why did she suddenly do this today?
Jian Ran could not understand, she was so sad that she rolled over in her bed. She wanted to call his father, but did not want to worry him.
The phone had not left her hands yet, but she had received a call. She took the phone and saw that it was Qin Yue calling, causing her heart to soften for a moment. When she answered the call, she heard Qin Yue's low voice: "What are you doing?"
"I??" Jian Ran took a deep breath, she suddenly felt like crying from being wronged, but she suppressed her grievances and tried to use a calm tone to speak, "I seem to be sick."
"Don't hang up. Wait for me."
Following that, Jian Ran heard the sound of the car door closing. She held her phone and buried her head into the pillow, feeling extremely uncomfortable, as if ten thousand ants were devouring her heart.
Not long after, Qin Yue's voice came out of the phone: "Open up."
"What door?" Jian Ran blurrily did not react. She, who had long been muddleheaded, would not have expected Qin Yue to appear in front of her house.
"Open your door." Qin Yue's voice came out from the phone again, sounding a little anxious.
"Huh?" Jian Ran let out a silly "Ah", and used her muddled brain to think for a bit, before realizing that Qin Yue was asking her to open the door.
She got up and dragged her limp body out of the room. When she reached the door, she reached out to grab the doorknob.
"Jian Ran????" Qin Yue's voice came from outside the house.
"I'm opening the door. Wait a moment." Jian Ran fumbled for a long time before she finally opened the door. After opening the door, she could not even see Qin Yue's appearance clearly, "Are you Qin Yue?"
"It's me. I am Qin Yue, your Qin Yue." Qin Yue carried her by the waist and left.
"Qin Yue, what are you doing?" Jian Ran pushed him, but he didn't have the strength in his body, so he laid on the ground in his arms.
"I'll take you home." When he returned to their home, he would no longer leave her alone outside. He would never let her suffer the pain of loneliness again.
"Home?" Whose home? " Jian Ran muttered to herself, "The place where my father is is is my home, if he is not here, I do not know where my home is."
She would be sick, helpless, and afraid. It must be that her father was not with her, it must be that.
For the past three years, her father had never left her. Today, when her father suddenly left, she was so helpless.
Hearing Jian Ran's words, Qin Yue strongly tightened the strength in his arms, tightly hugging her in his embrace, he said in a heavy voice, "Jian Ran, I forbid you from speaking nonsense."
Blame him for not protecting her properly. Blame him for causing her to encounter such a painful situation, causing her to lose her past self.
"Qin Yue? You must be Qin Yue? Who is Qin Yue? " Jian Ran mumbled in a daze, "I don't seem to even know you. It seems like I've known you for a long time. This feeling is really strange."
"Jian Ran..." Other than shouting her name, Qin Yue didn't know what else she could do.
Jian Ran then continued, "Not only do I not know you, I don't even know who I am. But I can't remember who I am, what happened to me in the past I don't know, and a lot of times I feel as if I could disappear at any moment. It's as if I don't belong in this world."
"I was scared, but I didn't dare tell my father that I didn't want him to worry about me. He's not young either, just a relative like me. He didn't want to tell me about the past. It must have been for my own good. But it also makes me understand that the past is definitely not a good thing."
"I keep telling myself not to think about the past, but I can't help thinking about it. What on earth has happened to me that frightened me so much that I wouldn't want to think about my past? "
"Why am I talking so much to a stranger like you? If I told you, you wouldn't understand how bad my heart felt. You will never understand how scared I am."
Alone, she always pretended to be indifferent, as if she didn't care about anything and didn't make any friends.
It wasn't that she didn't want to make friends, but that she was afraid to make friends.
If one day someone asks her, "What university did you go to before, where did you work before, before..."
When others asked her these simple, basic questions.
How should she answer?
If she answered honestly and told others that I couldn't remember anything from the past, would those people treat her like someone out of the ordinary?
"Jian Ran, I understand. I understand everything you said." Qin Yue kept telling her. His heart felt like it was being crushed and he found it hard to breathe.
This was his Jian Ran. No matter what, she was always smiling, using her unique smile to hide the worry and fear in her heart. She pretended to be strong, as though no one could do anything to her.
He hated himself for having lost her, and for having lost her for so long. How did she live these three years?
"Haha??" Jian Ran laughed coldly as she shook her head, revealing a smile that was uglier than a cry."Even my father doesn't understand, how can you understand?"
It was unknown whether it was because his brain wasn't clear or if it was because he was an ill person who was particularly weak, but these things and fears that had never been spoken of by others were all revealed by Jian Ran in a single breath.
Maybe it was because he had been alone for too long, and had no friends for too long, that he could so easily jump into Qin Yue's net, and never be able to pull himself out again.
Even though she knew he had seen his dead wife through her, she still charged at him like a moth to a flame.
Many times, Jian Ran would envy Qin Yue's "Jian Ran".
Although that Jian Ran was no longer by Qin Yue's side, they shared a common and beautiful memory. There was also a person who deeply loved and cared for her, and even had such a cute daughter.
And she?
She had only her father, and nothing else, not even the memory everyone should have.
| ← Ch. 0250 | Ch. 0252 → |