novel
| ← Ch.95 |
Thanks for staying with me through this story! And thanks for the ko-fi!!
-Helli
Gu Yan looked up in surprise. He had been in the dark for so long that for a moment, he could not get used to the bright lights.
It was just like those days when he was still in the demon world.
It wasn't as if he didn't want it, or that he did not look forward to it...... But he was afraid. He was afraid to obtain it, and he was afraid to lose it.
Gu Yan narrowed his eyes. Due to the sudden illumination of the room, his eyes stung a little. He was not mad with joy, but instead, he looked up very calmly.
The one who came down was not necessarily Qin Yao.
After so many days had passed, Qin Yao would have come down long ago if he had won. But for him to have come after so long, there was a great possibility that he was dead. If the demon lord had won, he would definitely come down to kill him.
So, it was also possible that luck was on the demon lord's side, and he was able to rise again.
Gu Yan knew that the possibility of that was even greater, and he knew that what awaited him now could very well be death, but he was not willing to move his eyes away.
Because...... There could still be a thread of hope that Qin Yao had lived......
If that ever happened, he would never want to miss it.
Before he had seen Qin Yao's corpse by himself, he would never let go of his hopes.
If Qin Yao had come to find him, then he hoped that he was the first thing he saw.
Everything was quiet above for a moment.
Then, he heard a creaking noise, and a figure appeared at the opening of the passage. His movements seemed to be slow and clumsy he he slid down the wall. Finally, he landed gently in front of Gu Yan.
Gu Yan looked straight at him and his face was wet. Turns out his tears were flowing down.
"What's wrong with you?"Qin Yao's deep and slightly hoarse voice rang out full of worry, and he held Gu Yan's face with his rough hands, rubbing it carefully, "Are you hurt?"
Gu Yan took his hands and shook his head, "The light was just too bright, it hurt my eyes."
Qin Yao breathed a sigh of relief, "I'm sorry it took so long for me to get to you."
Gu Yan shook his head, but he did not speak.
It's fine as long as you could come, I'll wait for you no matter how long I have to wait. Gu Yan looked at the familiar face in front of him, and could not help but reach out to hold the man in his arms. This sort of affectionate and seemingly weak movements were not something Gu Yan had ever done in the past. He was not used to showing his feelings, but it was only at this moment had he known that these were not feelings he could control. Those that he could press down beneath his heart.... . Those feelings were just not deep enough yet.
And right now, he did not want to suppress himself any longer.
At this moment, this was the only way he could confirm that this was all real, that this was not a dream, to hold that man tightly in his arms.
So it turns out...... Miracles really do happen.
Gu Yan was stunned for a moment, but then he knelt down on one leg and returned his embrace.
Just like that, the two held each other as if this was their last moment together before the world ended, just like a sculpture that would never change.
A ray of sunlight casted down from above and shone on them, dyeing everything in a golden glow. It felt like time had stopped.
..............................
Gu Yan suddenly woke up in bed and he immediately turned to look beside him.
Qin Yao had propped himself up on his elbow and smiled at him. Seeing his eyes open, he chuckled, "Awake?"
Gu Yan slowly spat out a sigh of relief, and he returned the smile.
Such a peaceful and beautiful life was something he had never dared to dream of in the past.
Still, he would always be woken up from a nightmare. Every night, he would dream of the bloodied Qin Yao from that time...... But it was nothing more than a dream. It had all passed.
After that, Qin Yao told him about what happened. He had used an array to attract the energy of the world to destroy the demon lord, banishing him completely from the human realm. He had also fallen unconscious for several days due to the heavy injuries he had been inflicted, so he was not able to look for him in a timely manner.
After understanding what had happened, he could finally let go of the worries in his heart.
The demons and the demon lord was gone, everything had finally come to an end.
Perhaps, the demons would return again after many, many years, but they might not even be here by then. Besides, he wanted to let go of that and focus only on what was in front of him.
Reality proved that he also held the right to be happy. Gu Yan felt that he was very lucky.
Even if everything had to come with so much difficulty.
"Do you want to go out today for a spin?"Qin Yao looked at him with a gentle gaze.
Gu Yan hesitated for a moment, "Have your injuries gotten better?"
Qin Yao smiled, "I could start running and jumping long ago, that much is nothing."
Gu Yan still remembered the state Qin Yao was in when he came down. He was so heavily injured that his entire person was practically dyed red with his blood. He almost thought that Qin Yao could not hold on anymore. Even if he had come back, he was still plagued with those incessant nightmares. But seeing Qin Yao now, and seeing as how they could still...... Perhaps he really got better...... Gu Yan felt that he might have been thinking too much. He should think about better things instead.
So, he nodded with a smile:"Then let's go out."
When they came back again to the crowded streets with people coming and going, what Gu Yan felt was completely different from before.
Who would have thought that the demon general who came to the human world just to destroy it would ended up turning back into a human? The feeling of being human again was not too bad.
"Nobody can recognize you now."Qin Yao observed Gu Yan with cheerful eyes and curled up the corners of his lips. Right now, it was like Qin Yao had put down all his heavy burdens and restraints. He was not as cold and before, and he was more lively now.
"I'm not a big star anymore."Gu Yan rubbed his own chin, "It actually feels like a shame, it turns out I was so popular."
Qin Yao grabbed Gu Yan's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "I think this is better, I'm the only one who can notice you now."
Gu Yan was a little stunned, "Are you being jealous?"
Qin Yao nodded cheerily, "Did you think I wouldn't dare to admit it?"
Gu Yan smiled.
The two walked together just like the countless couples on the street, laughing with each other as they walked without a care for the gazes of the crowd. Even though they were two big adult men, they were not shown any scorn or disdain as the sight of a pair of handsome men was always welcomed.
They did not have the slightest idea how many single dogs they've abused on that day.
They were really blind to everyone around them.
"I'm really getting a little full."Gu Yan touched his own stomach. Without knowing it, the two had ended up at the night market. Everything looked alluring to them, so on accident, they had a little too much to eat. Or perhaps, it should be said that Gu Yan was mainly the one eating.
Compared to a thousand years before, the food in the human world was way more plentiful and colourful. But when Gu Yan had just came back, he did not have much interest in them.
At that time, eating human food was just a way for him to disguise himself, he was not able to feel full, or even that it was delicious, he didn't need it. But right now, he was really glad that he was able to taste all these good foods, he felt blessed that he could have such an opportunity.
That feeling that passed through from the tip of his tongue was so memorable.
The him of the past had never truly enjoyed his life.
Gu Yan suddenly fell silent.
Qin Yao was keenly aware of this, but he did not say anything. He just took Gu Yan in his arms and smiled, "Let's come back for more tomorrow, you're not planning to eat everything this place has to offer today, are you?"
Gu Yan allowed Qin Yao to pull him close, and was stunned. Suddenly, he let out a soft chuckle. He clearly knew that he should be grateful, but he still felt sad and hurt. This was not like him.
He looked at Qin Yao's back that was only half a step in front of him, and his lips could not help but curve into a faint angle.
This was the person, and the life he wanted.
He suddenly quickened his steps and came to Qin Yao's side. From now on, there was nothing he had to be afraid about, he just had to walk forward.
..............................
After that day, Gu Yan no longer had nightmares.
Everything was just like he had imagined. At first, everything was so perfect that he almost found it hard to believe, but he slowly got used to it after that. This was reality, he won't ever be woken up in the middle of the night again.
Their days passed by very quickly in this way.
In the blink of an eye, two years have passed.
At the beginning, Gu Yan's disappearance had caused an uproar. Such a famous star had suddenly disappeared without a trace, and the final historical movie he played in became his legacy. Countless people sighed, but even under such situations, the best male actor of the year award was still awarded to him even if nobody went up on stage to get it.
Then, the heat slowly started to subside. People would no longer talk about him everyday, but there would still occasionally be diehard fans mourning for him.
Gu Yan watched the news occasionally, and to him, it just felt like he was just watching the news about another person.
It was just a disguise for him at that time, but he had ended up receiving the affection of others instead.
Two years have already passed, that identity he had used in the past was no longer being talked about by everyone, so Gu Yan had practically forgot all the people he had come in contact with in the past. What he had given up was not only that identity, but also everything that identity represented. That was him when he was a demon......
Everything he had done as a demon, that was all in the past.
He felt that his life right now was very satisfying.
He did not have to have a care in the world...... This was not something he could ever dream of in the past, but now, he achieved it.
This body is very good as well.
Even though he had already died in his past life, this body had still been carefully preserved by Qin Yao. After being kept in a place full of spiritual energy for so many years, not only has the body not aged, it had also integrated with the energy to a very high degree. In other words, his body could now be considered a genius among cultivators in the ancient times. Even though the spiritual energy of this world had mostly been exhausted now, he could still cultivate. Gu Yan was not too keen on pursuing immortality, so he was not very serious in cultivating. He just wanted to take care of himself well so he could live an even longer life together with Qin Yao.
He did not want for his hair to go white while Qin Yao was still young and vibrant.
To treat a person with such sincere feelings was not something Gu Yan had ever experienced in his life, but he was very serious about it now.
And he was happy about it.
It was like he had found a new meaning for his own existence.
..............................
"Where are you bringing me?"After Gu Yan got into the car, he asked him curiously.
During this time, Qin Yao seemed to have been a little busy, and his work would always start early in the morning. It was quite mysterious.
"We'll be there soon."Qin Yao smiled.
Thus, Gu Yan stopped asking. He trusted Qin Yao very much, so perhaps Qin Yao was just going to give him a surprise. In these past two years, he had seen the passionate side of Qin Yao beneath all his frosty coldness.
And he did not hate it at all, it felt like his old and quiet heart seems to have freshened up again.
Everything seemed to have gone beyond Gu Yan's expectations.
Qin Yao brought him to a villa on the beach. The area around the villa had been invested in by Qin Yao and built by him, the wealth he had on him right now was already far above an imaginable amount.
The night sky was a deep black that was littered with stars. Along with the flowing tides of the ocean, the air brought with it a humid feeling.
"Do you like the scenery here?"After some silence, Qin Yao buried his face between Gu Yan's neck, "I reserved this place just for you."
"I like it."Gu Yan responded to him absent-mindedly.
He had always been unconcerned towards such foreign objects, all he cared about was being by Qin Yao's side.
"I know you don't care about all this, but in the end, we are just human after all. We're not gods, we're not detached from life and death, we're both still insignificant in the face of heaven."Qin Yao seemed to be filled with emotions tonight.
Gu Yan raised a brow, it was natural that he understood this.
"For a mortal, even if these worldly possessions could never stop you from death, they can still eliminate many of your worries, so you can live with ease."Qin Yao spoke.
"I don't care about such things, it's not like I'm sad or neglected."Gu Yan smiled helplessly.
Qin Yao kept his eyes firm on Gu Yan, and he could almost seem to see a certain sense of unshakeable conviction in his eyes. Besides that, everything else was irrelevant to him. His lips moved, and he paused for a moment, but he still spoke:"Master, did you know? I've lived for a thousand years, and I've lived through countless dark days, the only thing that helped me go on...... Was the thought that I could see you again some day, to see you living well, to live for yourself for once. This is what you deserve."
Gu Yan's expression finally turned grave. He did not know why Qin Yao was suddenly telling him this, but he had not heard him call him by master for a very long time, nor has he been mentioning about the past.
He always knew that Qin Yao had done a lot for him, but he would never bring it up.
From the beginning to the end, Qin Yao had never wished to get anything back from this.
Gu Yan was clear about this.
"I really cherish the present very much, I've finally achieved my wish, I dont' have regrets anymore."Qin Yao slowly continued. He stared deeply into Gu Yan's eyes, and a faint smile could be seen at his lips.
Clearly, Gu Yan should be feeling very moved, but he could not help but feel strangely uneasy.
As if something was falling out of control.
But this should not be the case. Two years have already passed, and everything was fine, he should not be having such strange thoughts. Perhaps the night sky as too beautiful, and the atmosphere was too alluring that he and Qin Yao had suddenly become emotional.
Sometimes, he could not help himself as well, right?
Gu Yan's eyes darkened. He suddenly covered Qin Yao's lips with his own. Compared to hearing him say strange things, he might as well do something that gave the two of them joy.
..............................
The morning sun shone through the golden screens and landed warmly on his face.
Gu Yan's eyelashes moved, and he opened his eyes. His first reaction was to look for the person beside him, but it was empty. Gu Yan's face changed, and fear took hold of his heart in an instant.
Where was Qin Yao?
Why wasn't he there?
Where did he go?
Gu Yan put his clothes on in a hurry and left. Just as he reached the first floor, he heard the sound of the door.
The big stone suddenly fell in his heart. So it turns out Qin Yao had just gone out early and did not tell him. It was not like this has never happened in the past, but he did not know why he was so worried this time.
Gu Yan's face calmed down, "You're back."
He went around the corner of the stairs and looked towards the door, but his smile stiffened on his face.
The young man who stood at the door also happened to be looking at Gu Yan. There was a rather dumbfounded look on his face, but he quickly readjusted himself, "You should be Mr. Gu, correct?"
Gu Yan looked firmly at the sprightly young man in his clean-cut suit.
It was Xu Ming.
He had not expected to see him again. Ever since that body's death, and ever since he returned to his body, he had been cut off from everything in the past. Besides Qin Yao, everything in this world was irrelevant to him.
He did not feel reluctant or disappointed, since those people could still live their lives without him.
The ripple he had once had in his heart had already long subsided as time passed.
Xu Ming was just one of those irrelevant people.
"You should be Mr. Gu, yes?"Xu Ming walked towards Gu Yan and his clear voice rang out. After two years, that weak young man seemed to have changed a lot. He had more confidence now in his eyes.
Xu Ming could no longer recognize him, Gu Yan was very clear about this. He nodded and felt a little absent-minded, "Did Qin Yao send you?"
This question was obvious, but Gu Yan still asked.
Xu Ming nodded. He brought out the folder he had kept pinched between his arm, "Mr. Qin has already transferred all the property under his name to yours, and has entrusted me to take care of it."
Towards Qin Yao, Xu Ming was very grateful to him.
When Gu Yan had ended up died inexplicably, he was overtaken by sadness. It was Qin Yao who found him and set the conditions for him to continue his studies. And now, he had even handed over such a heavy responsibility to him.
Gu Yan's lips were pursed into a line. He took a deep breath, but his heart felt cold.
"Where did he go?"Gu Yan heard himself say.
He could hear that small hint of a tremble in his voice.
Xu Ming sighed, "Mr. Qin is very sick and knows that he has not much long to live. He understands that you may not be in the mood to settle such matters, so he asked me to take care of these businesses for him......"
He looked at Gu Yan with eyes filled with some pity. Even though he was not clear about many things, it still did not prevent him from imagining a massive dogblood drama.
Just as he was wondering how he was going to comfort this man before him, he looked up to find that his eyes had met with a pair of cold, black eyes. His body could not help but stiffen, and he felt his heart jump.
Gu Yan's eyes seemed to be covered with his boundless anger and sorrow, even a small hint of scarlet could be seen within those dark eyes. They were very terrifying.
He reached out and grabbed Xu Ming's collar with one hand! The veins were raised up on his arm, as if he was going to tear that person in front of him to pieces the very next moment! The aggressiveness in his heart could not be hidden!
What a joke! That was a laughable excuse!
He should just destroy everything!
Xu Ming let out a grunt in pain.
The sound was very light, but it still rang out like thunder in Gu Yan's ears. His sanity finally returned to his mind, and his crazy thoughts retreated like the tide. What had he just done? Was he thinking of killing Xu Ming? Just because he said something he didn't want to hear......
Such terrible things, did he still have his demonic instincts from before? Once his bottom line was touched, he would not hesitate to rush out. He wanted to swallow him up, and degenerate back into that sad existence from before.
Gu Yan closed his eyes and spoke in a light tone, "What else did he tell you?"
Xu Ming reached up and held his own neck. He had no doubt earlier that this man would kill him, but he did not.
He stared at Gu Yan. But why did he not feel afraid? Because he had also faced someone like him in the past. He appeared so strong and scary, but he had never harmed him, he even protected him...... But that person was dead.
Together with those feelings he could never say, they all died out.
"He didn't say anything."Xu Ming shook his head.
Gu Yan was stunned. Then, the sound of laughter came from his mouth. His soft laughter turned louder and louder, as if he was laughing at this entire world, laughing at himself. Or perhaps, he was laughing at Qin Yao.
"Are...... you okay?"Xu Ming's eyes were filled with worry. He had come here just for business all so he could repay Qin Yao for his kindness, but he found that he ended up truly feeling worried for this man in front of him.
If it was that powerful and fearless man, would he also end up in such a state some day...... ?
How desperate would he have to be to lose himself like this?
"I'm very fine."Gu Yan responded.
He stopped his laughter and turned to walk away slowly.
He had actually done something unnecessary earlier, Qin Yao had already told him everything he had to tell him yesterday. His wishes, his thoughts, he had already revealed them all to him without hesitation. There was no need for him to say anything more.
Qin Yao wanted him to live a satisfying life, so he will stay that way.
He will enjoy everything he left for him.
Living his life well.
He did not resent Qin Yao, he just hated himself. He hated how powerless and ignorant he was.
For him to actually never have noticed Qin Yao's true situation.
It turns out that nightmare of that day never really went away.
..............................
Xu Ming thought that this was going to be a hard to clean up mess, but in the end, everything went smoother than he had imagined.
That Mr. Gu really did what Qin Yao told him he would. He did not care about anything, and did not care what he was doing either. He ate when he had to, drank when he had to, everything was fine, he just did not enjoy going out much. He would lock himself up in his room for the whole day.
Mr. Gu...... Xu Ming had been remembering Gu Yan these days very often. Even though this Mr. Gu did not look like Gu Yan at all, he still could not help himself from thinking about him.
He felt that this was abnormal. He had clearly almost been killed but he still kept thinking about that man.
Perhaps it was because this Mr. Gu was also called Gu Yan...... Xu Ming tried to console himself in such a way. There were way too many people in this world with the same name, this was nothing to be surprised about.
Xu Ming did not have to come over so often, but he could not stop worrying about Gu Yan.
Thus, he started to come over every day.
As soon as he came over, he would see that the food on the table had not been touched, and could not help but frown. Even though Gu Yan had lost himself in the past, he still sorted himself up again quickly. He would never make him worry, nor would he ever abuse himself. Could it be...... He could not bear it anymore?
He rushed upstairs and saw that the door was opened. Gu Yan was leaning back on his lounge chair with his eyes closed, and his eyes were serene.
Seeing this, Xu Ming felt stunned. He felt a little reluctant to bother Gu Yan, but he remembered the food downstairs that had been left untouched, so he still spoke up:"Mr. Gu."
Actually, Gu Yan had already noticed him when Xu Ming went upstairs. But he was a little tired, so he did not care.
He figured that if he pretended to sleep, then Xu Ming might just leave. But he never expected that Xu Ming still called out to him.
Recalling the gentle attachment of this young man, Gu Yan knew that he may end up being unable to separate from the past. He slowly opened his eyes, "You're here."
"Mm, I came to see you."Xu Ming responded a little awkwardly.
His heart was full of worry, but he was worried of provoking Gu Yan. There were many things he did not dare to speak up about.
Gu Yan smiled helplessly. He knew what Xu Ming was thinking about.
"I'm fine, I'm just not hungry, no appetite."Human food that once moved him so much tasted just like wax now.
In these days, whether his eyes were open or closed, all he would think about was Qin Yao. The more he thought about him, the more he found it hard to forgive himself. Why has he never realized it before? Why did he believe him so easily? He really believed he was fine......
Why didn't he respond to Qin Yao's feelings earlier? He should have remembered his old identity again earlier.
But why...... Why did he pass that opportunity by for so long?
Gu Yan's expression was clearly very calm, but Xu Ming felt pained.
With some hesitation, he said, "Then, are you hungry now? I'll go heat up the food."Saying that, he turned to go downstairs. He thought he could do something for him, but there was nothing he could do, he had no way of getting closer to that person at all.
He was in his own, independent world that was separated from everything.
But...... He still knew how to cook! At the very least, he had to make sure Gu Yan ate his meals on time! Xu Ming made up his mind.
Gu Yan had still gone out to eat dinner tonight, it was a familiar taste. After all, when Xu Ming was his assistant, he had cooked up many a meal for him.
He did not want to waste Xu Ming's efforts.
When Xu Ming left, he still could not help giving Gu Yan a last few worried glances. Gu Yan smiled to him:"Don't worry about me, I'm doing very well."
Xu Ming did not believe him at all, but what else could he do?
..............................
Gu Yan went back to his room. He looked at the night sky outside of the window, and immersed himself in his memories.
The good, the bad, the recent memories, the old, they were all playing back inside of his mind. And now, the only way he could see Qin Yao again was in his mind. It had only been a month, but it already felt unbearable for him. How had Qin Yao felt when he had to wait for him for a thousand years?
If he gave up that easily, then it would not be fair to Qin Yao. How could he give up so easily?
Gu Yan did not want to let himself go just like that.
Getting in his car, he drove away from this villa. Ever since he left Qin Yao, this was the first time Gu Yan had left.
He did not dare to return to their home that they had lived in for two years, because that place was filled with their memories. He didn't dare to go there lest he lose control of himself, but he wanted to go back, he wanted to go back to that place that was filled with Qin Yao's presence.
Even if he was alone, that place still carried their memories. At the very least, he still had his memories.
This was the only thing he had.
Deep in the night, the mansion was cold and silent, just like the scene of a quiet grave in the night.
Gu Yan dragged his heavy feet and pushed open the heavy door, walking in, step by step.
..............................
Xu Ming had discovered that Gu Yan was gone the next day, and he went out to look for him like a madman. He was worried that Gu Yan was going to look for his end just like that, but then, he found that Gu Yan had only gone home......
After going home, Gu Yan never stepped out again. It was like he had lost interest in everything, just like those soulless old people, he seemed dead.
But even if he did not have an appetite, he would still eat his meals, and go for a walk every day. He promised Qin Yao that he would live well. Maybe he would be able to walk out of this one day, and get used to living by himself, but now was just not the time.
He had been to every corner of this mansion, and their memories was contained in every part of it.
Sometimes, he would think back on something small, and it would make him feel happy. This was the first time he realized how precious a good memory was, there was nothing he could treasure more than this.
There was only a single place he never stepped foot into, it was the dried up lake in the centre.
It was that secret chamber underneath that lake that once preserved his body, a violent fight had broken out, and the decisive moment of the world's destiny began from there, and that was also the place that it ended. That was where he was reborn, the place where Qin Yao defeated the demon lord, and the place where he ruined himself.
Qin Yao had cheated fate and stolen two years of time to get him used to this world, but he left.
Now, that place was nothing more than a mess, the clear water that used to be there was there no longer, leaving only a bunch of scattered holes that told of the tragedy that once happened here.
Gu Yan closed his eyes. He remembered the moment when he came out of these ruins. Qin Yao who was covered in blood was holding him, and he took him out from the ruins of the lake. The warm ways of the sun was shining on him, and he thought that his life would never be hazy again.
But that all turned out to be a dream.
After all, someone still had to pay the price. Happy things were not that plentiful in this world.
He was afraid of that place, he was afraid that even his dreams would be punctured like a bubble if he came close; he was scared that he could not hold on.
But his thoughts could not help but sway to that place. He would look at that place from afar, and even though he knew that it was fatal for him to do so, he could not control himself. He would always let that moment remind him of those tragic facts.
Gu Yan opened his eyes. The warm, golden afterglow of the setting sun almost seemed to sink into the horizon.
It took him all his strength to lift his feet, and walk towards that place involuntarily.
He was just taking a look, it was fine, it was just one look......
Even if the demon lord had already died, the atmosphere there would still be rotten and unsightly from the corrosion of strong demonic energy.
Gu Yan leaned over and looked at the uneven ground.
At that time, he had never thought about how Qin Yao had actually defeated the demon lord. But now, it seems like he may have been overdrawing all the power from his life. To be able to persist for two more years without showing anything was already incredible.
That secret passage of that year had already been completely buried, and that underground palace may never see the light of day again.
A smile overflowing with softness turned up on Gu Yan's lips. Even if...... the world has forgotten, I would still remember you.
Just like how you've never forgotten about me.
He stood straight and was about to turn to leave, but he suddenly stumbled on a rock, and fell to the ground. The sharp stone cut through his palm, causing blood to flow out, and penetrated through the gaps of the stones.
Gu Yan laughed at his own clumsiness. He did not care how much of a mess he looked right now, he just got up and patted the dust off his clothes.
Just as he was about to continue his departure, his pupils suddenly shrunk.
There was a deep scarlet drop of blood on the rock at the side. That blood should have been there for some time, it had turned into an inconspicuous colour on the dark brown stone after being exposed to the sun for a while, so it was easy to miss if one was not paying attention.
But only because of his own bleeding had he noticed that place, and discovered that trace of blood.
Gu Yan suddenly got down to look at the stain on the blood. After a long time...... he started to dig around the ground frantically, he did not care at all that his hands were bleeding.
That was Qin Yao's! It had to be his!
Qin Yao was right here!
It turns out that Qin Yao had been resting this close to him! Turns out he didn't realize it at all!
Because of he was running away from it!
It was like Gu Yan could not feel the pain at all, he just repeated the same movements, clawing at the rubble in front of him bit by bit. The ground here was looser than he had expected, and seemed to only have been filled in later.
It wasn't until the sky had turned completely dark had Gu Yan suddenly touched a stone slate. It was the entrance to that secret passage that had been buried underground.
He grabbed the handle of the slate and was just about to pull it open, but he suddenly paused.
Fear took hold of his heart. What did he want to see?
What would he see?
Gu Yan took a deep breath. After a while, the fear dissipated from his eyes, and a look of determination overtook them.
He knew what he had always wanted. Even if the results were painful, he still would not escape it. He has had enough of this suffering.
Gu Yan pulled open the slate with some force, and went down.
The air underneath was very humid, and there was still a smell of blood that had yet to dissipate.
The stone on both sides of the wall emitted a faint glow that illuminated the dark path. Step by step, Gu Yan walked forward.
Finally, he stopped.
Qin Yao was sitting on the ground at the very end of the passage. His skin was white and both his eyes were shut, even his hair had turned white, so much so that it almost seemed transparent. He was almost like an ice sculpture, quiet, without any hint of life.
Gu Yan had even slowed down his breathing for fear that he would disturb the image before him.
I finally found you, I'm sorry it took this long, I'm sorry, I'm here now.
He extended his hand and was about to touch Qin Yao's face, but recalling the blood on his hands, he retracted them again. How could he touch him with these hands? He had died so peacefully, so beautifully, like the most perfect sculpture he had ever seen, how could he destroy that?
He should clean up before he returned. If Qin Yao saw the state he was in now, he definitely would not be happy about it.
"I won't lose you again."Gu Yan whispered.
He dropped his head and looked at himself with some embarrassment. This dirty appearance was not like him, and his tone was also showing his unease, "I'll come again later tonight, okay?"
Gu Yan stared at Qin Yao's face. He looked at his snowy-white eyelashes, and blinked his eyes, "If you don't say anything, I'll just take that as a promise."
"I'll come back soon."He stood up and turned away, ready to leave. He wanted to wash up, and change into a pair of clean clothes before he brought Qin Yao home.
"...... Don't go."
Gu Yan suddenly stopped in his footsteps, and his whole person had turned stiff. He thought he was hallucinating.
Perhaps he missed him too much, so it was just an illusion.
He will turn back for just one look, then he'll go. Just once, since he'll be back very soon anyway, was he afraid to even look at him?
Gu Yan slowly turned around, and his face entered the gaze of a pair of golden eyes.
That man in full white without any breath of life opened his eyes. Both his eyes were a pale gold, and they were so dazzling they almost seemed to be shining for the very last time. Only to burn out with their final hint of vitality.
"You......"Gu Yan's throat seemed to be stuck, but a whimper finally leaked out with some difficulty, one that carried a hint of joy, "...... You're still alive."
"You should not have come."Qin Yao's lips were pale without any colour, and his voice was very soft. But within his eyes was a warm smile, "Since you're here, come and sit with me."
Before Gu Yan could react to it, he found that he had already went towards Qin Yao, and sat by his side. His shoulders touched that person next to him, and it was so cold, as if he was not alive at all.
Qin Yao did not move, and it was like even speaking was drawing out the last of his energy, but he was still as gentle and calm as ever, "I wanted to go somewhere further away, so I could die in a place where you could never find me...... But...... I ended up choosing this place in the end."
"Because I wanted to be closer to you. I wanted to stay somewhere where I could see you."Qin Yao's eyes kept still on him, and both his eyes showed a look of apology, "I'm too selfish, aren't I?"
Selfish that I was only willing to show you the good, selfish that I made you remember me, selfish that I left you alone in this world. He clearly know he should not have done this, and that the person who lived on would be pained, but he still could not help himself...... He wanted to love him.
Gu Yan shook his head, but he nodded again. He looked at Qin Yao without even blinking, for fear that the man in front of him would turn into a lifeless corpse if he ever did, for fear that this would all vanish in that moment.
"I'm very selfish as well, no wonder we're a pair."Gu Yan responded with humour.
Qin Yao's eyes flickered as if he had realized what he had said:"You promised me you would be fine."
Gu Yan nodded, "I'll definitely do what I promise, but I can't just watch you die. How would we know there's no way if we don't try? If we succeed, we can continue living together. But if we fail, we can also walk down the road of death together."
Being able to find you was already my fate.
I won't let you go again.
Qin Yao's lips moved as if he wanted to persuade him, but he did not speak in the end. He knew that there was no way for him to stop Gu Yan now.
Gu Yan had also only recalled this method after he saw Qin Yao. The reason why Qin Yao was going to die was because he had exhausted his vitality.
Then, as long as he divided his own vitality into half, and gave it to Qin Yao, the two of them would be able to live together. But their vitality could not be given to someone else so easily. If they were not careful, they may not be able to save that person, and they may even lose their own lives as well. Even if it succeeded, it would just be equivalent to sharing half of your life with someone else.
But for Gu Yan, there was no need for him to hesitate at this moment.
The only thing he was afraid of was to not even have this final chance.
Gu Yan turned his head to look at Qin Yao, and a beaming smile bloomed on his lips. His smile was so pure and passionate, just like the morning sun. This is the life you gave me, let's enjoy it together in the future.
"I feel blessed that you exist in this world."
Gu Yan smiled and leaned forward, taking Qin Yao's lips with a kiss, and his dense vitality flowed over to him through the crossing of their lips.
From now on, we will never be separated.
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| ← Ch. 95 |