novel
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Chapter 58.
Woojin's father suffered paranoia, which explained why he moved around and travelled so much. Woojin's mother loved him nonetheless. He had periods of time in in life where he was addicted to alcohol and drugs, but Woojin's mother claimed that her husband was a good man. Until his death, Woojin's mother loved his father.
Woojin continued to explain to Shin, "This hereditary disease usually skips every other generation. For example, my grandfather is fine, but my father got it. As for my aunt..."
"Yes? What about your aunt?"
"My aunt..."
Woojin breathed deeply a few times before continuing, "My aunt hated me. I don't know why."
"..."
"My best guess would be that she hated me because she hated my father."
"... Did your aunt have the illness?"
"I don't know. I can't remember."
Woojin meant it. He really couldn't remember that woman.
Woojin continued, "The day I got hurt... That was the day my father died."
"..."
"I don't remember a lot about that day. I think my father collapsed... I got scared so I ran away... But sometimes, I feel like what I remember is just a hallucination."
"..."
"I am afraid... Shin... that perhaps I really did try to kill myself."
And at the end of Woojin's memory that day... was Shin. Shin's voice calling for him. Shin's hands pulling him out from the water. Shin's breath...
Woojin mumbled, "Thank you for saving me."
Woojin wrapped his arms around Shin's neck. He kissed Shin, and Shin, who remained quiet until now, kissed Woojin back passionately. Lips on lips... Tongue on tongue...
Woojin still had something on his mind, but he didn't voice it out loud.
They still had 2 weeks together. Woojin wasn't going to leave for the next 2 weeks. It was Shin who came into the water to find him.
Woojin was certain that Shin would find him again.
***
"Hello. My name is Siwoo Jung."
"How do you do? I'm Woojin Choi."
Shin felt a strong urge to caress Woojin's hair, but he stopped himself. He bit his lips hard. Siwoo, who was sitting across from him, kicked Shin's leg and mouthed the word, "Idiot."
Siwoo said to Woojin, "I heard so much about you from Shin."
"... Sure."
Siwoo smiled kindly at Woojin, who still looked blank. When the food arrived, however, Woojin quickly placed a plate in front of Shin.
Siwoo smiled and teased Shin, "It looks like you are about to drool."
"I'm really hungry, that's all."
Shin replied, smiling at Woojin.
This dinner was first suggested by Woojin. It had been three days since Woojin returned to work, but no one at work seemed to notice. None of their co-workers asked Woojin any questions, and Shin found this very strange.
Siwoo asked Woojin, "There are many private rooms in this restaurant."
"It's probably because this is a popular place for meetings."
"Hmm... It feels very traditional and formal."
Woojin looked at Siwoo as he drank a sip of his tea. Woojin replied, "I heard from Shin that you like Korean cuisine."
"Well, I like everything, but lately, I haven't had many home cooked meals."
Shin suggested to Siwoo that he could come with Joowan, but Siwoo refused. Shin felt confused. As far as he knew, Joowan cooked often at home so he could feed Siwoo.
Now that he studied Siwoo, Shin saw that he had lost a bit of weight. When Shin frowned at him, Siwoo just smiled.
Siwoo asked Woojin, "Shin doesn't look like it, but he can be overly sensitive, can't he?"
"..."
"Hmm... You aren't answering me."
"... I think he is sharp-minded, not overly sensitive."
Woojin placed a piece of well-cooked meat on Shin's plate, who blinked in surprise. Woojin acted casually and started eating as well.
Woojin always ate very slowly. He often looked down and ate carefully and very quietly, and Shin found this very interesting. Just then, Siwoo laughed quietly and commented, "... I feel really left out."
Woojin turned to him and asked."Would you like me to serve you as well?"
"Oh, no. That's ok."
Siwoo shook his head vigorously. He could be a very affectionate person, but usually not to another couple. He felt uncomfortable in situations like this. Until Shin met Woojin, he felt the same way.
Woojin seemed to eat well, but Shin was worried. This was the first time Woojin was having"real" food. He had been on a soft diet until today. Shin ordered a bowl of rice porridge for him and when it arrived, Woojin smiled.
Siwoo watched and said to Woojin, "You don't look like someone who smiles often, but I guess I am mistaken. You are smiling a lot today."
Shin mumbled in annoyance, "... Hey." But Woojin looked at Siwoo and replied, "I do hear that often, and it's true. I usually don't laugh a lot."
"..."
"It must be because I am with Shin right now."
Woojin returned to eating and Shin sighed as he watched Woojin. After a few minutes, Woojin excused himself, "Sorry, I need to go to the washroom."
After Woojin left, Siwoo pinched Shin's cheek hard.
"Shin, you look like you are head over heels in love."
"... Really?"
"It's disgustingly obvious."
"He is cute, isn't he?"
"..."
"He is a bit thinner than usual because he hasn't eaten much lately."
"..."
"You aren't falling for him or anything, are you?"
"You need to stop. He isn't my type."
"Why not?"
"... What?"
"I mean, he is so beautiful. How could anyone not fall in love with him?"
"Snap out of it, Shin Kim!"
Siwoo ate another piece of grilled meat. He seemed to really like the dish, just as Woojin did. They must have the same taste in food.
Suddenly, still not looking at Shin, Siwoo said to him, "He hasn't changed a bit. He looks the same as when we were in high school."
"..."
"The faint face that looks like it might disappear at any moment."
Siwoo smiled bitterly and added, "It can be very draining to date someone who isn't well."
"..."
"Are you listening to me, Shin?"
"Yes."
"You've been sick before, so you know this very well."
"I do."
"Yet... Are you sure about this? Do you feel confident?"
"No."
Shin set down his chopsticks on his plate. He knew what Siwoo meant, but...
Ever since Woojin came back, Shin never once could make love to him. Shin loved sex, but the emotional satisfaction he felt by just being in Woojin's presence was much bigger than the pleasure from sex.
Shin replied, "For now, I am grateful for just being able to spend time with him."
"..."
"I can wait."
Shin knew that Woojin watched him sleep at night. Woojin would touch Shin's scars on his chest and sigh. After a while, Woojin would snuggle into Shin's embrace and go back to sleep.
And sometimes... Woojin stared at his own scarred wrists and bit his lips.
Shin pretended to be asleep, but he couldn't help feeling the deep sadness. He loved being in Woojin's presence, but the pain that came with it was unavoidable.
Shin mumbled to Siwoo, "I have been wondering what loving someone means..."
"..."
"I look at him, and I wonder. I think I fell in love at first sight, but I never imagined that this would become so deep. If I knew back then..."
"Then what?"
"Then I would've asked him out much sooner."
Shin smiled. He regretted not recognizing Woojin earlier. He should've taken him into his arms much sooner. Protect him and love him.
Shin felt his eyes tearing up. He looked down.
Time continued to pass yet they hadn't even begun their relationship yet. Not for real.
But it was ok, because there was going to be no end to it.
Everything felt uncertain, but at least it was something. They had something together. This wasn't over yet.
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