novel
| ← Ch.270 | Ch.272 → |
Zarin curled in bed, feeling lonely again. His own thoughts tortured him and Zamiel only made it worse.
He was indeed lucky to have Heaven as his friend.
His parents were his parents. He could understand if they didn't give up on him, but Heaven could have easily abandoned him. Zamiel could have killed him. But none of that happened.
He wrapped the blankets tighter around himself, as if it would chase away the loneliness. He did feel less lonely in Zamiel's home despite his declared hate for him. His home smelled of rain and earth, mixed with another heavenly scent. It was comforting.
Suddenly he shook his head violently, and his heart began to race in worry and fear. No. Why was he thinking of his scent again? What was wrong with him? What Euphorion said couldn't be true? Could it?
There was no way he liked Zamiel. Zarin had always enjoyed his women. He still did. He was attracted to women, not men.
He turned in bed, feeling uncomfortable and bothered.
'The only thing you are passionate about is him. '
No! He refused to believe it. The ancient aura couldn't possibly work on him. He had met ancients before.
Or wait. The only ancients he met was his own grandfather and Heaven's grandfather. Still, this shouldn't work on him.
He hated Zamiel. With or without passion, it was hate he felt. He was...
"Stop! Oh Lord!" Euphorion suddenly stood in the room."I should have let you leave. Can't you stop thinking and sleep? Your thoughts are loud and I am already having a hard time sleeping because of the heat."
"I am glad I was able to annoy you." Zarin said.
Euphorion placed his hands on bare his hips. This man liked to walk around naked."Now that you are glad, can you stop overthinking? I said you liked him. I didn't say you desired him."
Zarin sat up."What do you mean?"
Euphorion let his hands fall, as if giving up."Liking means liking and nothing else."
But he didn't like Zamiel.
Euphorion raised a brow and crossed his arms over his chest."Alright. You don't like him. Just sleep."
But what about the scent? Why did his scent suddenly feel so strong, and why was he suddenly... mes... merized?
Euphorion, who was about to leave, sighed loudly when he began to think again.
"That is because you are more demon now. Your senses are heightened and when it is connected to a strong emotion, everything is more clear and vivid. Whether you hate or like Zamiel, you feel strongly about him and that is why he suddenly appears different to you."
Oh, of course. He chuckled nervously, feeling relieved. Why didn't he think of his demon? That explained everything. His intensified hate and admiration.
Euphorion raised both his eyebrows this time and nodded.
Did he just admit that he admired the man?
"Well, now that you know, sleep!" He said and vanished.
Zarin fell back and buried himself under the covers. He was not ready to admit anything yet. After tuning back and forth for a while, avoiding his own thoughts and feelings, he finally decided to go outside and get some air. But even that didn't help clear his mind.
Alright. He admitted. He had always envied Zamiel. He had wanted everything the man had. Everything about him he liked and wanted. The confidence, the power, the love and respect he received from people, including Heaven. Everything.
"What about the pain?" Zarin was startled to find Zamiel next to him in the garden."Did you want my pain as well? Did you wish to know the pain of losing your family, the suffering of being locked for a thousand years and the betrayal of your only friend?"
Zarin remained quiet as his brain processed what that must feel like.
"After going through all of that, would you wish your mate to be taken away from you?"
Zarin frowned. The man had been through a lot and even though he didn't know what he felt; he didn't wish it upon himself.
"You envy a man who lived alone for an eternity. I don't know what it is like to have parents or siblings, yet I know what it is like to lose a wife and a child." He looked far away, as if deeply lost in thoughts.
"You envy me for things that you already have or things that you could easily get. You already have people who love you unconditionally. Respect is something you can earn and confidence is something you can learn. Power..." He shook his head with a slight smile."I am sure you know by now that power means nothing if you are all alone. You can only use it for selfish reasons and not to protect the people you love."
Zarin looked looked down at his hands. Everything Zamiel said was true. He had obtained a high rank, but he was all alone. There was no one to share his happiness or achievements with.
*******
Zamiel could feel Zarin shrinking next to him. His thoughts about himself getting worse and worse. The devil had killed him to intensify his bad traits, but his death also intensified his guilt, and now he was stuck between his pride and his guilt. There was a battle between them in his head.
Zamiel knew what guilt felt like. It was consuming and it could take you to a very dark place. Zarin needed help, but he also had to help himself.
Zamiel remembered the day Heaven opened his eyes. The day she made him think of getting out of his misery and helping himself.
'Right now, no one is making you suffer but you. ' She had told him.
She had pulled him out of the darkness, but he had to walk himself toward the light.
Most of the time the suffering was only in the head and the person just had to decide to make a change. Zarin had to make that decision. He was making himself suffer for no reason.
"You could go back to the hidden kingdom and pretend as if everything is alright or you could go back to your family. You will feel ashamed, worthless, useless but you could make it up to them."
Zarin looked up at him, his eyes slowly tearing up."You don't know the things I have done." He said.
"But I know things won't get better if you keep doing them."
He looked down at his hands again."How can I look them in the eyes?" He asked.
Zamiel didn't know how to reply to that."See it as your punishment." He finally said.
Then he went back to his room, leaving him behind. He would need some time alone.
It was late enough now to visit Irene. He hoped for some useful information, and then he would begin with his plan. Irene's mind was a dark place, as usual. She was sitting alone in a corner, curled up as if crying. She longed to come back home.
"Irene."
She looked up, "Zamiel." She was happy to see him.
He extended his hand and helped her up. He was afraid of running out of time and getting pulled back, so he asked her directly."Did anything unusual happen?" He asked.
"The possession is affecting him, I think. He is acting strange." She frowned."He is acting more human."
That wasn't exactly what he wanted to know, but he already saw what he needed through her mind. Now he knew what Lucifer wanted.
"Irene. Listen to me carefully." He began."As soon as you wake up, don't think or speak to anyone, don't tell Heaven anything or ask for her opinion. Just grab her and come back home." He told her.
She became very confused."Heaven will never agree." She said.
"Don't tell her. Just bring her home and I will take care of the rest."
"If anything happens, she will hate me forever." Irene said.
"Nothing will happen. I wouldn't ask you to come back otherwise. Trust me." He told her."I have a plan."
| ← Ch. 270 | Ch. 272 → |