novelUnexpected Apologies
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The only bright side of this long day is that I can finally retreat to my rooms with the excuse that I'm tired. I dismiss the maids as soon as they finish taking my clothes off, and I sit in front of the mirror to clean off the makeup.
I haven't ever dreamed that I would, one day, pretend to be tired after a shabby tea party. Me: the Queen that never sleeps.
The moment the door is closed, though, I hear a knock.
?Come in, ? I say out loud, without even turning. This late, it can only be one of the maids that forgot something.
To my surprise, the one that crosses the door is not a maid, but the Duke. After a whole week, he remembered that he has a wife. He's wearing heavy clothes as if he just arrived from outside the Palace. His hair is ruffled, probably because of the wind. His dark eyes are as dynamic as always. I turn my eyes away and look at the mirror.
?Good evening, your grace, ? I say, not paying too much attention to him. After all, he's ignored me for so long. He had seven whole days to visit me, ask me how I'm doing. He didn't even send a note. He just left me to a bunch of naughty maids.
I continue to clean my face, and then I apply moisturiser cream. I really like this aroma, it's fresh and sweet at the same time.
?Why are you doing this by yourself?? the Duke asks, looking at how I take care of my skin and hair alone.
?I don't like being touched, ? I explain. ?I prefer doing this trivial stuff without help. ?
?I know that, already, but why isn't there any maid assisting you? I've ordered them not to leave you alone!?
?Duke, ? I utter while I start braiding my hair for sleep, ?I understand that your grace wants to control my activities all day long, but I can't sleep if I'm watched. Also, I don't like having someone standing at my back in these evening hours. It's the only time I have for myself, I beg your grace to leave it to me. ?
?What if you need something??
?I'll walk to the door and open it, ? I shrug. ?There is another thing I wanted to talk with your grace about if the Duke has the patience to listen to me. ?
?Call me by name, ? he says, all of a sudden. ?There's no need to be so polite. ?
I turn to him and sigh. I'm not sure where I made a mistake, but there must be one if he asks me not to address him politely. Does it feel like I'm tantalising?
However, there is an issue. I can't just fulfil the Duke's desire.
?I don't know your name, ? I reveal. ?It didn't sound right, to ask a maid about it. ?
The Duke lifts his eyebrows in surprise, and he walks to me.
?It's Alexander, ? he reveals. ?You can call me Xander. That's how people in my family address me. Not 'your grace'. ?
Alexander...
I'm still surprised by how difficult it is to understand him. I'm still wondering what he is thinking. His fingers caress my cheek and then play with a lock of hair that slipped from the braid. I don't dare to move away, and his attentions are not too bothering.
?I'm here to apologise, ? he murmurs, somehow lost in thought. I look at him through the mirror, trying not to be found out peeking. He looks like he's in another dimension, where nothing and nobody can reach him.
Apologise for what, by the way?
For winning the war? Caging the most beautiful city under the clench of the Empire? Not executing me immediately, instead of slowly eating my soul?
Is a single word enough for it?
?It was my fault, ? he continues. ?I told your maid to convince you to meet Countess Burbon. I thought that she would respect you, at least because of my name. ?
Oh, so it's because of that. I thought the Duke would be angry at me, rather than sorry.
?You won't reprimand me for the way I talked, will you?? I wonder.
The Duke crouches next to me, and he grabs both my hands. He kisses my fingers, and then he smiles comfortingly. It looks like I don't need to fear his reaction, for now.
?I have no reason to, ? he said. ?And you're an adult. You administered a Kingdom for years. I'm no one to reprimand you. ?
I swallow, taken back by his words and his deep voice. His eyes are piercing my heart, and his hands are warming my fingers. It's comfortable. And calming. Who would have thought that a life in constant danger would be so homey?
?How can I make you forgive me for my misjudgement?? he continues, and I move my eyes away from those dark magnets. I better take this opportunity, now that I stand a chance to make the Duke accept my request.
?There is something you can do, ? I utter.
?Whatever my Duchess wants. ?
I feel my cheeks getting hot, and I straighten my back instinctively, like every time I feel attacked. Yet, the Duke didn't say anything threatening, on the contrary. He didn't change his behaviour either.
Only after a while, I understand that what made me react like this didn't come from the Duke. It was inside me, and it wasn't something as unpleasant as I would have thought.
I don't dislike that this man wants to fulfil one wish of mine. A part of me is just frightened and scheming, trying to find the best way to survive. A tiny bit, though, is just delighted that someone would do as I command, even after I lost all of my power. It's just for a moment, but I like being in charge. I'm disgusting, aren't I?
For now, I better make my request before the Duke changes his mind or runs out of patience.
?If it's like that, then stay the night, ? I offer. ?So that no one can say that the Duke doesn't visit the Duchess. ?
?I'm sorry for that as well. I didn't have time this week. I've been busy with the treaty, and the Emperor asked me to check some western counties... It looks like someone tried to evade taxes, ? he explains, and I drop my shoulders.
I knew he would use work as an excuse, but I didn't think he would also tell me what he was doing. Isn't it undesirable for me to know about the Empires business?
?Your grace wasn't purposely ignoring me, then, ? I breathe. ?Your grace was busy. ?
?I came back late every night, and I couldn't risk disturbing your sleep. ?
?The Emperor asked your grace to check some taxes during the first week of your grace's marriage, though. Is it something that happens normally??
?The Emperor and I had some disagreements, recently, ? he says. ?Nothing that my Duchess needs to worry about, but his majesty, the Emperor, has been harsher than usual with me. ?
?He said that your grace was the one that won the war against Polis, after years of siege. Isn't that alone enough to make the Emperor pardon any disagreement??
The Duke smiles, amused by my talk.
?I'm happy to see that you're not so scared of me anymore, ? he comments. ?Is it a sign that you are adapting to this place??
?I'm actually too frank with words. It doesn't signal anything, it's out of habit. I will correct it if it bothers your grace. ?
?You don't need to change, ? he stops me. ?And surely, you don't have to worry about your talking when we're alone. ?
?Can we agree on one thing, your grace??
?What is it??
?Can you visit my chambers once every week?? I whisper, while my heartbeat increases and thrills of panic cross my spine. ?It will be a message for the people that think that the Duke doesn't like this Duchess. ?
He nods, not considering my proposition too much.
?I won't bother you, and I won't reject you, during those nights, ? I continue, settled on finishing the discourse that I started. If I stop now, I won't be able to open my mouth again.
The Duke nods, without moving a muscle on his face. His reaction is so bland that I'm not sure if he understood what I meant to say. I don't need him to share the bed, but just to be seen entering my room. At the same time, I don't have the power nor the right to refuse him my attentions if he wants them.
This situation is a big bet only for me, now that I think about it. The Duke already was the one in power, and I can't help but adjust to his desires. And hope that he will be pleased enough to not hurt me out of spite.
?If only you could do this, my life would be easier. No one will dare to harass me if they think that I'm under your grace's protection. ?
He's still crouching in front of me, and his presence is becoming more overbearing. He's not doing anything in particular, but every second that passes takes away a bit of my determination.
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