novelSanta Claus in an Icy Hell >> Arctic Passage Rescue Operation (1)
| ← Ch.152 | Ch.154 → |
Part 1
One of the Legitimacy Kingdom's most well-known safe countries was the South Britain District.
The wintry Thames snaked through the central city of London, transport helicopters flew across that river, and 8-wheeled armored vehicles cautiously and slowly drove along the roads.
This was an unusual level of alert for a safe country, but the couples on the sidewalks only laughed together and occasionally aimed their phone cameras at the soldiers.
"Are we seriously on a mission to shoot down Santa?"
"Our busty commander must be so overworked she's finally lost her marbles."
While large snowflakes fell on the old city that night, Quenser and Heivia spoke with visible breaths after stepping out of one of the 8-wheeled armored vehicles that were equipped with 120mm guns.
"Why in the world are we using maneuver combat vehicles? The roads are way too small for these."
"They want to do some PR with them after spending so much tax money on them. It's all about how things will look on TV. And the stuff on the top looks really cool. It's like a tank."
Heivia was trying to complain, but that gadget nerd was not cooperating.
"They have a propeller on the back, right? The vehicle itself is airtight, so they can use the air inside to float along in the water. You think they plan to cross the half-frozen Thames with them?"
"To put it as nicely as I can manage, what possible reason could they have to do that?"
"Wow, Heivia. You're how old and you still think the military has a good reason for anything it does? It's nothing more than 'the other guys have these, so we need them too'. Humanity has been wasting everyone's tax money for more than 2000 years based on that logic."
They were terribly jealous of the couples in puffy sweaters and coats. When they were stuck on a night mission so cold their breaths stabbed whitely out in front of them, nothing killed their motivation quite like seeing those men and woman huddling together and sharing some steaming fries or roast chicken.
"Let's hurry up and shoot down that Santa SOB so we can get out of here."
"What a joke. This is really just a 2-hour escape artist special, isn't it?"
Whether or not Santa Claus existed was irrelevant.
They only had to "create" their own Santa.
Just like a meteorological weapon gave a 100% chance of a white Christmas regardless of where the cold wave or cold front was.
Basically, they just needed some official news reports saying they had shot down Santa Claus and arrested him in the public square. With the live TV broadcasts and global internet streaming, they hoped to have as many witnesses as possible so Santa's existence was accepted as public information.
No matter how silly it sounded, official records had a certain power.
For example, shoelaces coming untied was an ordinary phenomenon that could be explained with the laws of physics and did not require an occult explanation, but it was shocking to discover how long it actually took to prove it.
Heivia walked alongside the line of armored vehicles and trucks while armed with his usual assault rifle and a multipurpose shoulder-fired missile.
Their job was simple. First, a neatly aligned array of drones would fly by in the night sky above the city. Their lights would shine like a row of car taillights to give the appearance of reindeer and a sleigh and then the soldiers in the city would fire surface-to-air missiles at a specific point in the sky. Then they only had to capture the scorched Santa Claus waiting for them at the "crash site" set up in a park.
The bored mass media would jump at anything that would give them numbers.
And if they did not have to pay the production costs, all the better.
So if the TV cameras captured the instant of the arrest, the reporters would have gotten the exact scoop the military wanted. Muscular soldiers were not going to be combing the Scandinavian wilderness with bug-catching nets in search of Santa Claus, but this year's Christmas would be full of smiles regardless.
Technology had come a long way.
Mysterious lights zigzagging through the night sky were easily create with drones on sale for the Christmas price of only 99. 99 euros. That meant you could create UFOs or Santa's sleigh. Unless someone had gone to the trouble of setting up a telescope on this snowy night with clouds covering the sky, no one would be able to tell what they really were at a glance.
However, there was a problem.
"Drones aren't as convenient as they let on. They crash pretty easily due to poor maintenance or an unexpected gust of wind and I've been hearing more and more news stories about them losing control due to jamming signals or IR. You can blame the online stores for that one. People can bring down those unmanned toys to get as many retail items as they like and the people who ordered the items can make up for the loss with insurance, so it's win-win. Of course people are going to start developing interference tech."
"Isn't that why this job was left with us in the military instead of the police or volunteers?" whispered back Quenser while participating in what looked like part of an amusement park parade."When you're planning a surprise party, there's always some asshole who will try to ruin it and laugh in your face, so we're supposed to be on the lookout for anyone like that and suppress them as we go."
The boy held a military mobile device that was different from a commercial smartphone or tablet.
"This is E1, " said someone over the device."The sergeant's group up ahead has entered the Thames."
"So those damn armored vehicles have already gotten started, huh?"
"Despite carrying more than 20kg of equipment, they shouted at the top of their lungs before jumping into the frigid water, " they continued."Are we supposed to follow those idiots in? What are our orders?"
"Wait, it wasn't those amphibious vehicles!? How cold is the water right now!? That'll legit kill you!!"
"I bet they wanted to show off because there was a group of cheerleaders nearby, " said Heivia.
There were a few different ways to intentionally jam or bring down a drone, but the aforementioned assholes were not espers and could not do it with the power of their minds. EM and IR signals might be invisible to the human eye, but not so to machinery. And once that signal was located, it could be killed.
"This is Monica, the battlefield idol reporter who can both sing and kill. Word is that the Legitimacy Kingdom military is about to begin an operation to shoot down Santa Claus, so several areas here in London have been blocked off to traffic."
The TV stations would jump at anything that would bring in money and numbers, so they were facing the cameras and giving a serious report on this farce. In the studio, the self-proclaimed "experts" were having a heated debate over whether or not Santa was real, so the live broadcast kept switching between them and the local reporter.
"They're all a bunch of actors, " groaned Heivia in annoyance.
"Of course they are. That's how show business works. Also, that's my childhood friend Monica. I want to stay as far away from her as I can manage, so let's get to our position already."
Quenser and the others were not just marching through London. They were in the process of deploying troops to different points around the city. Simply put, it was a lot like boarding a bus that circled the city and getting off at their designated stops.
"Look, Heivia, they're selling commemorative gold Christmas coins."
"I feel bad for the part-timers who have to stand on the street corner selling all of them by the end of the day. In a few days, they'll be selling New Year coins instead."
There were a lot of people who liked that kind of thing in the Legitimacy Kingdom. Although that would mostly be royals and nobles who dreamed of having their own face or full body engraved in gold.
Quenser and Heivia left the turret-equipped armored vehicles near Piccadilly Circus, a shopping street in Soho.
Jingling bells played from the speakers equipped all around them.
"Are you sure we should be using this song without permission? Isn't this Oh Ho Ho's Christmas song? Won't she be mad?"
"Why are you sticking up for the rights of an enemy nation we're at war with year-round???" Heivia looked up into the snowy night sky with his missile hanging from a sling belt."Oh, I see it. That's the 'flying sleigh', isn't it?"
"Apparently we aren't shooting it down right away. It has to fly around London once first as a sort of performance."
A few dots of light were flying through the snowy night sky in perfect lines.
In reality, it was only 8 multicopter drones arranged in a 2x4 formation, but only the two rows of lights were visible from the ground.
"Strange zigzagging lights in the sky aren't enough to surprise anyone these days, huh?"
"Yeah, even though the existence of drones doesn't actually reject the possibility of alien spacecraft."
The two idiots discussed the issue while leaving the line of small shop windows on the main road to instead slip into the back alley and climb a metal ladder.
"Ugh, it's cold even with gloves."
"Just get going, twig boy. Staring at your ass wasn't how I wanted to spend my Christmas."
The building was better described as stone than concrete.
Once on the roof of that stylish multi-tenant building, they kept low and walked across the snowy roof to reach their exact assigned position.
Heivia rested the long tube on his shoulder and looked through the sight on the side.
"So are we ready to go?"
"Don't turn it on yet. I checked the manual and it only lasts three minutes."
Shoulder-fired missiles were a lot like fire extinguishers. They were only meant for emergencies and they were meant to be single-use. They gave you some chance of victory, but they were not going to blow up any and all tanks and fighters. The big jobs still had to be left to the experts.
"God, it's cold. Why do we have to freeze our asses off in the snow without anything to eat? Are there any Island Nation hot springs around here? Y'know, those ones that are supposed to be good for your health because they contain Immortanoid, so if you bathe in them daily, it'll activate your cells and extend your life by 30%."
"Immortanoid? Isn't that stuff radioactive?"
"It's a longevity mineral. It's all the rage among the nobles, so it's gotta be safe. That stuff will keep you alive forever. It's started a health boom and become a target of investment, so I heard a gram of it is worth 200 times a gram of pure gold. If it's that expensive, it's gotta work, right?"
Quenser could hardly believe what he was hearing and he started to wonder if those so-called "experts" on TV would shove miniature nuclear reactors in their gut if it would healthily extend their lifespan.
Something cut by overhead while making a ton of noise.
This was not the drones disguised as a sleigh.
It was bigger and lower.
"The military sent out some damn tiltrotors?"
"They're the cameramen."
"Let's just hope a crosswind doesn't flip them right over, " complained Heivia while lowering the launcher tube and bringing his radio to his mouth."B4 to HQ. We have arrived at our point. We will now wait for the countdown."
"Roger that, B4. We have confirmed some laser interference from the Ferris wheel and parliament building. It is small scale for now, but it means there are enemies out there. Be on the lookout for unforeseen accidents."
"What kind of asshole does that?" asked Quenser."Are they like those idiots who run out onto the field during a soccer tournament with a smoke bomb in hand?"
He had been muttering below his breath, but the radio must have picked it up. The strict class rep type of female operator actually went to the trouble of answering his question.
"According to another team that arrested one of them, they are almost certainly a citizen's group known as Realism. They truly believe that it is service to the world and to the education of children to let everyone see the world as it is. They are disliked by pretty much everyone because they pick fights with pretty much everyone, but they seem entirely oblivious to this fact."
"They make their ideal sound nice and all, but aren't they the same as some flasher opening his coat on the dark street at night? Plus, it sounds like they've appointed themselves as the arbiter of what is 'real' and what is not. If they're so closeminded they're going to seriously argue all the world's textbooks need to tell everyone they can't get off without stretching out their legs and fingering their asshole, I'm not about to let them join the Santa Claus debate."
"Honestly... B4, righteous anger is fine and all, but do not let any children hear you saying things like that. Ksshh."
Some noise was already running through the radio signal.
It was a small thing, but Quenser's mobile device was displaying a silent warning.
"There's someone here too. I've detected a garbage EM signal transmitted on all bands. It's a jamming signal!"
"Let's measure it from two points. Distance and direction!"
The jamming signal was ongoing.
The flying lines of light were not going to crash to the ground immediately, but there was not much time. The flying LEDs had to maintain their sleigh shape, so it was all over if the lines fell out of order.
And the suspect had to be somewhere in Piccadilly Circus at the center of Soho's shopping street below. It was the Christmas season, so the area was full of couples and families. Plus, the suspect might not be out in the open. They could be in a parked car or inside a store.
"Let's do this."
Heivia tossed the shoulder-fired missile to the snow, pulled out his own mobile device, and moved to the very edge of the multi-tenant building's rooftop. Quenser moved as far away as he could get and they used their two mobile devices to check their reception of the jamming signal from Point A and Point B.
"70m away at 10 o'clock."
"I've got 80m at 7 o'clock. Let's see who's standing at the intersection point...him!"
A young man was messing with his phone below a fir tree strung up with lights.
At first glance, he looked like he could be waiting for his date to show up, but he had a large, waterproof paper bag at his feet. It did not make sense to already have a large bag before going shopping with his cute girlfriend. It was not wrapped and he made no attempt to hide it, so it did not seem like a present either.
"Could that be the device? Realism spotted, " said Quenser."What do we do now? Climb down the ladder and sneak up to him???"
When Heivia responded by attaching a suppressor to the barrel of his assault rifle, the invention nerd did a double take.
"Are you serious?"
"We don't have time to climb back down every single time some idiot shows up and we're waiting for the countdown up here anyway. I want to stay put if at all possible."
Heivia stepped far enough back from the edge of the roof to not be seen from the ground, readied his assault rifle, and quietly fired a single bullet.
However, he had not targeted the young man on the ground.
The bullet hit the decorated fir tree, causing a bunch of snow to fall from its branches. That alone weighed a few dozen kilograms, so it appeared to have crushed the young man.
The warning on their mobile devices vanished.
"B4, enemy suppression complete. If you have time, send a patrol to collect him. Since the weight of the snow broke the device, he might've broken a rib or two."
"HQ to B4. Please do not say things like that where it might be recorded. Do not drag me into the trouble you caused. But well done all the same."
Luckily, the lights in the night sky did not bump into each other and fall to the ground. The drone formation maintained its proper course and flew off to a different part of the city.
Quenser breathed a white sigh.
"I guess we just have to wait here until the reindeer and sleigh finish their circle."
"Unless it gets shot down in the City or Lambeth and never makes it back here....Still, modern drones sure are fast. They're moving faster than the average motorcycle, aren't they?"
Like with airplanes, distances and speeds were hard to judge at extreme distances. The eight lights appeared to be swimming through the snowy night sky, but they had actually already left Soho.
Waiting out in the snow without even some hot coffee to drink was a dreary task. Especially when the city below was full of couples. They had no choice but to kill some time with their mobile devices while covering them up to prevent the backlights from showing.
"Monica here. I've made my way to Trafalgar Square which is blocked off with yellow tape and with coils of barbed wire, so it looks especially threatening. It's so scary! The square is full of command vehicles covered with more antennas than our broadcasting vans, so we suspect those are the on-site commanders for the Santa Claus operation."
After quite a while, Quenser was dragged back to reality by the blinking light on the top-priority window that popped up to cover the screen.
"Oh, whoops. Heivia, hey, Heivia. It's time. Ready the missile!"
"Shut up, can't you see I'm super busy?"
It was unclear just what kind of video site the boy had accessed with that military equipment, but when Quenser heard loud moaning leaking from the headphones, he smacked his awful friend on the back of the head to drag him back from the fantasy world on the other side of that screen.
"Naughty boys get taken to a training camp from hell by the young women of the Special Training Unit."
"Hey, don't even joke about that!! I'll do it, okay!?"
The military's Special Training Unit was a friend of mothers everywhere. That warning was a surefire way to get your kids to go to bed on time, which showed just how feared that unit was. Nothing could have been a greater contrast to Santa Claus.
"Look, the countdown is about to end. Let's shoot down Santa and get back to the maintenance base."
"Dammit, I have to wait so long the snow piles up on my head and I only get to meet a bearded old man for my trouble? Can our next mission be to capture a dark elf running around in the forest?"
"Oh? You're into cosplay, Heivia?"
Heivia rested the launch tube on his shoulder as he complained.
Quenser had nothing to do at this point.
The rows of drone lights doing a tour of London had returned here.
"HQ to all personnel. The countdown is at 20. On your mark."
"Is the magic show all set up? If we screw this up, the TV shows and internet will never let us hear the end of it."
Heivia scoffed while powering on the launch tube.
The armored trucks had increased the number of patrols, so there had not been any more interference.
The countdown continued toward zero over the radio.
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Merry Christmas!!"
The kind of multipurpose missile used to destroy tanks and attack helicopters flew from the tube Heivia had aimed toward the night sky. That said, the powerful blast of white smoke erupting from the back of the tube seemed to stand out more than the missile itself.
Heivia's missile was not the only one.
More came from other rooftops, from the armored vehicles on the ground, and from the helicopters and tiltrotors flying in the sky. A total of more than 200 missiles flew from all over London like the city was a giant hedgehog and they all focused in on a single point of the night sky.
However, they did not actually have to reach that point.
Even if these were military weapons, they were still industrial products (and highly delicate ones at that), so there was always a risk of malfunction. If they fired that many real ones in the crowded city, one could fall to the ground without detonating and become unexploded ordnance. Thus, the warheads had been swapped out with harmless low-heat fireworks.
First, bright rings of red and green light expanded out.
The low rumbling shook the ground after a short delay like with thunder.
The snowy night sky was filled with a total of 200 colorful lights.
"Is that a wrap?"
They did not need to shoot down the eight drones.
Airplanes were only visible in the night sky because of their special beacon lights.
So if the drones shut off their lights at the end of the countdown, it would look like they had vanished from the night sky. The military only had to unblock the roads at the same time so the civilian TV and internet broadcasting crews could rush into Trafalgar Square. An old man in red would have been hiding below a white sheet until then, so he only had to act like he had just been shot down. And he would look somewhat scorched thanks to the harmless smoke set off on the ground. A real escape artist would make sure they were already gone by the time the countdown began.
However...
"What the hell?" said Quenser while viewing his mobile device.
"What's wrong?" asked Heivia."Don't tell me a drone or low-heat firework fell and hurt someone on this happy day."
"No, it's not that. It's Santa Claus!!"
"What's wrong with the bearded old dude?"
"That's my point. It's supposed to be some old guy with a white beard, right?"
"?"
"So why am I seeing a blonde woman in a red bikini spreading her legs for the cameras? What kind of crazy miscasting is this!? Did someone not get the memo that this whole operation started with a letter from a little kid!?"
Part 2
The TV cameras captured the shocking truth!!
Santa Claus exists, but he is a busty blonde woman in a red bikini that is coming untied and a miniskirt that has slid out of place!!!!!!
"Um, due to a slight misunderstanding, we shamed ourselves in front of the entire world, so our 37th Mobile Maintenance Battalion is being punished. Rejoice, because our schedule for the rest of the year is going to be jam packed while we are dragged all over the world. Just assume that you are not getting any New Year's leave."
Major Frolaytia Capistrano had the eyes of a dead fish.
Carelessly opening the door of sexuality within a pure boy was a very serious crime.
His dreams must not be destroyed, no matter how thankful he might be himself!!
Quenser and the others were riding on transport planes at the moment. They were moving from the South Britain District to the Legitimacy Kingdom's northern occupied territory so they could ultimately reach a region beyond even the Object-less Northern Restricted Zone. Specifically, the Arctic.
"Frolaytia sure is in a bad mood today."
"Can you blame her?"
The two idiots could not help but complain. While it looked like Dom Queen Frolaytia was sitting down to talk, there were no chairs in the transport plane's cargo space. Their commander was instead resting her butt on the sexy Santa in question who was down on all fours.
"Ah, ahhh. A-all I did was take over last minute because the old man said his back was aching from the cold."
She was a glasses woman with fluffy blonde hair who did not seem very strong-willed.
She looked college aged or a little older.
The fabric sticking out form her miniskirt was probably a swimsuit rather than underwear, but the roundness it contained was still impressive. The term "forbidden fruit" fit it perfectly. She was the kind of beautiful woman who unfortunately looked perfect with tears welling up in her eyes. Where had she been in the 37th all this time?
"Elise. Bear with it. And don't forget your manners." When her "chair" lost its balance and tilted below her, Frolaytia lightly slapped that ass with her empty hand."We are being punished in the military fashion instead of the corporate one. That means we will begin our next battle under very unfavorable conditions, so prepare yourself for what I am about to tell you. First, I need to explain the situation in the Arctic."
She shook her long, narrow kiseru as she spoke. That fact that she did not allow any of it to fall on Miss Elise Montana's butt suggested that silver demon still had some kindness left in her heart.
"You have probably heard that the Arctic's ice grows thinner by the year thanks to global warming. Unlike the past, icebreaker ships can forcibly break their way through, so it has become a hot area where all four world powers hope to extract oil and establish new sea routes."
A large cargo ship used tens of thousands of euros' worth of fuel in a day, so being able to take the shortest route meant a lot. Also, a new route would mean more freedom of movement for Objects as well.
Panama, the Hawaiian Islands, Gibraltar, and the Cape of Good Hope.
Just as wars had been fought around the world over cornerstones of transportation, the Arctic was starting to be seen as a worthwhile spot for controlling the current Age of Objects. Its importance meant it was a scene of intense fighting, and that meant more lost soldiers.
Quenser had trouble deciding whether he should be on his best behavior here or if he should intentionally irritate his commander as a way of indirectly punishing the miniskirt Santa, but for now...
"Who's causing the trouble this time?"
"All four world powers really, but we are directly interested in the Legitimacy Kingdom and Information Alliance." Frolaytia re-crossed her long legs atop her chair."The problem is the intense cold wave that has caused temperatures to plummet across the entire Arctic in the past few days. The ice has grown nice and thick again, so both the Legitimacy Kingdom and the Information Alliance have all their ships trapped in the ice. Not even icebreakers are enough to escape. That means the rules of naval battles no longer apply. It looks like we need to follow the rules of land battles by walking across the thick ice to approach and blow up their stationary fortress artillery."
Naval experts could only fight on the sea.
Even if they had received general all-around training, they could not do what actual marines and armies could do.
So were Quenser, Heivia, and the others being sent in as additional personnel?
"I will tell you everything you need to know this time."
Frolaytia swung down her kiseru with a solid sound.
"Eek!?" screamed the fluffy blonde.
However, the busty silver-haired woman was a terribly kind person, so she had made sure to first place an ashtray on the butt of her glasses Santa seat.
"Eeeek!" The chair trembled."H-huh? You keep building the tension and then nothing???"
"Doesn't Elise look kind of happy as she trembles?"
Sharp-eyed Quenser's observation went ignored.
"The direct conflict between the Legitimacy Kingdom and the Information Alliance comes down to the Julius Caesar, an aurora observation ship that was forcing its way through the ice near the North Pole."
"Based on the name, I'm going to guess that ship is ours."
"Basically, it is an Arctic cruise ship that has no interest at all in cruising the rest of the seven seas. Its ads ask if you would like to take the world's shortest cruise around the globe. And since they do make a full circle of the Arctic, it's technically true."
Quenser did not care about the aurora, so he did not see the appeal. He was much more interested in seeing Santa's boobs.
"It was officially disguised as a Christmas and New Year's aurora observation tour, but the passenger list shows an unusual number of the Legitimacy Kingdom's ultra-wealthy. Also, the ship was riding awfully low in the water for the number of crew and passengers, so they appear to be carrying something rather heavy. Now, if you depart from Scandinavia, cross the North Pole, and keep going, you will arrive at a small island in the Bering Sea which belongs to the same blank zone as Alaska. And as is so common in the blank zones left around the world after the collapse of the UN, a secret bank for depositing pure gold was secretly established there."
If Quenser was being honest, he cared about that even less than the aurora.
The military had put together this rescue operation awfully quickly when these people really should have been punished for moving their secret gold to that bank. This reeked of collusion between the public and private sectors. And even if he revealed the criminality and the gold was recovered, none of it would end up in his pocket. It would all be confiscated by the government and treated as public property and that would be that.
"For some reason, it has been trapped in the Arctic Ocean." Frolaytia disinterestedly wiggled the foot of her crossed leg."Even with the ice thinned out by global warming, breaking through requires a fair amount of power and they likely burned out their diesel engine by loading themselves down with too much gold. Thus began a war between the Legitimacy Kingdom who wants their money back and the Information Alliance that wants the information of that gold that they feel has fallen into their laps. Of course, both sides officially insist they are working to rescue the civilians who were trapped in an unfortunate accident while also working to eliminate the greedy enemy army that is obstructing their heroic service."
Heivia gave a snort of laughter at that.
Both at the Information Alliance for thinking this gold had fallen into their laps and at the Legitimacy Kingdom for thinking it was "their money". They clearly arrogantly believed they could take as much as they wanted if they imposed heavy taxes.
"Christmas only comes once a year, so why are they wasting it on that crap? They have dollar signs in their eyes year-round, don't they?"
"That is what makes this such a pain-in-the-ass job no one wants to mess with. And the major cold wave threw off the initial schedule, so things are utter chaos out there. As thick as the ice is, it isn't enough to carry an Object. And the obvious profit at hand has both sides sending in more and more troops....An obvious quagmire, isn't it? And even if we win this battle, it only earns us a single point. Guarding a Christmas parade in the sunny southern hemisphere would earn us just as many points, so that would be the far better mission."
Simply put, it was time for yet another shitty job.
After all, the cold wave was so bad not even icebreaker ships could get through. Military uniforms provided more than just camouflage, but fighting in the Arctic would still require cold weather gear designed for the Arctic. Once they had permission to borrow that equipment, Quenser, Heivia, and the others pulled plastic-packaged uniforms out of a wooden box labelled "battlefield equipment".
However...
"Um, Frolaytia?"
"What is it, Potato #1?"
"We're going to be fighting in the white Arctic, aren't we? Then what is the meaning of this?"
Quenser unfolded a uniform colored bright red.
And it had fluffy white additions.
These uniforms were redder than those of Buckingham Palace's guards. In fact, were they even military uniforms? If you walked around a safe country city like this, every last person who saw you would call you Santa.
"I said this was a military-style punishment, didn't I?" Frolaytia rubbed her own temples with her empty hand."To be clear, I have to change into a miniskirt Santa outfit myself. These are officially being called a new type of anti-sensor camouflage, but I have my doubts regarding its actual effectiveness."
"We might as well be sticking out our asses and asking to be shot."
"Pretty much. You could say we have all been put in for high-payout life insurance policies."
"I never signed up for that!!" screamed Quenser, but Frolaytia only winked.
Some parts of the world could be even crueler than the battlefield where bullets constantly whizzed by.
"Which is why the payout will have no one to go to and the government will have no choice but to confiscate it 'to avoid trouble'. Isn't this a wonderful system where they can eliminate the troublemakers and make money while they're at it?"
But the 37th Mobile Maintenance Battalion could not have made it this far if they would obediently fight and die as they were told. Ever since the trouble in Alaska, they had clung to life with a stubbornness that put cockroaches to shame.
"Dammit, I'm surviving this no matter what it takes, " said one of those boys who could not read the room.
"Yes. I can't think of a single reason why we should die here and give those out-of-shape officers a fat year-end bonus. As always, go kill the enemy and come back alive."
"Um, Frolaytia? Is there anything else we should worry about?"
"The Information Alliance intends to do the same."
Part 3
Objects were monstrous weapons that moved their 200, 000-ton weight at over 500km/h, but they were still slower than traveling by air.
That was why the Baby Magnum was traveling along international waters outside the Scandinavian Peninsula to avoid the Object-less Northern Restricted Zone.
"Hm, hmm. Hm, hm, hm, hmm."
"You sure are in a good mood."
The Princess was humming to herself in the spherical cockpit when the old maintenance lady's voice arrived over the radio.
The 37th Mobile Maintenance Battalion had been issued red and white Santa-like uniforms, but that did not really mean much for the Baby Magnum. With a 50m and 200, 000-ton mass, simple visual camouflage did not seem very effective, so not one really cared what color it was.
Her special suit, which had some elements of a sailor uniform design, was red with fluffy white additions.
However, she generally never left the cockpit, so standing out was not an issue for her. She saw it more like a special holiday outfit.
She kind of liked it except for the fact that the coloring was so similar to that awful Information Alliance Pilot Elite.
"We're in the Arctic, so we might just see Santa on his way back home."
"What?" cautiously asked Quenser.
"That bearded man is from the Northern Restricted Zone, isn't he?" The Princess sounded legitimately puzzled by his question."He flies around the world on the night of the 24th, so he should be getting back around now."
"Ah ha ha. Quit playing dumb, Princess. Don't tell me you still believe in San- bwagh!!!???"
"Systema Special Attack: Miniskirt Santa Lover Strike!!"
"Bwah! Quenser, what the hell, man!?"
"Shut up, damn you! I won't let you say a word more!"
"?"
Quenser and Heivia seemed to be scuffling after one of them realized something while the other did not, but the red and white Princess only tilted her head.
She had a few beautifully wrapped boxes below her seat. They remained unopened due to the urgent mission.
"I-I hear Santa Claus was once detected by a ballistic missile radar network, so maybe you'll spot him if you're lucky, Princess!"
"Yes. I have my active radar on, so I should detect him if he's flying anywhere in the Arctic!"
The Princess sounded entirely innocent, but that explained why the Baby Magnum had not run into any other ships despite taking the shortest route between Ports A and B. In an Object vs. warship battle, a radar lock meant being sunk, so everyone had to be frantically moving out of the way.
"(Does this count as a hostile act, Frolaytia?)"
"Didn't I tell you the battle has already begun, you numbskull? Besides, Scandinavia is experiencing Armageddon year-round, so they're a little too used to fighting. This won't even make the amateur online news unless a forgotten nuke or zombie weapon makes an appearance."
The others must have all been together somewhere because the Princess could not make out what they were whispering to each other. Regardless, she just wanted to arrive as soon as possible.
"I hope I find Santa."
"Wh-what will you do if you find him?"
"Well, I think I'll wave at him."
"Wave?" asked Quenser."You mean with one of Baby Magnum's main cannons???"
"Aim that huge-ass gun at him and he might just put his hands up and drop his big bag of presents, " added Heivia.
Part 4
Even further north than the Northern Restricted Zone, the island of Spitsbergen jutted up from the thick ice covering the Arctic Ocean. After the many transport planes landed on the combat airfield there, they set up the necessary radars, hangars, etc. to use it as the 37th's maintenance base zone.
However...
"Are you kidding me? Where's the Baby Magnum? That thing can move 500km/h on the ocean, can't it!? Then how come it can't keep up!?"
"The Arctic isn't a continent. She can't move on top of the ice that could break in unpredictable ways, so it's unclear if she should use her land or sea undercarriage. She can't head this deep in right away."
"What's the point of the base if we don't have an Object?"
But they were on a strict time schedule, so the potatoes in red would have to do this themselves. In fact, they got the feeling the cruel old folks of the military leadership had intentionally set it up this way to pay them back for the embarrassing failure.
A white wind blotted out the world.
The sky looked pure white, so looking up was not enough to tell if it was day or night.
It was an almost complete whiteout.
Their mobile devices displayed an error, but it was probably around -20 degrees.
"We can either take a helicopter or an armored vehicle to the battlefield. Which should we choose, Heivia?"
"As long as it keeps our red uniforms out of sight, any metal box is fine by me."
Surprisingly, the armored vehicles proved more popular.
Driving on the ice sounded scary, but it must have seemed better than riding an unstable helicopter through the powerful crosswinds.
"Or is this a result of our Object worship? Anti-air lasers are admittedly scary."
"But neither side has an Object this time, right?"
Quenser and Heivia were late to make their choice, so they ended up in a helicopter, although it was more of a big-bellied surface attack helicopter than a large transport one. It had a two-person cockpit and missiles and rocket launchers hung from the fixed wings that jutted out to either side, but it could also load soldiers into the rear cargo room. When Quenser slid open the door and peeked inside, he found a space larger than a van. It could probably fit around 10 people if they squeezed in tight.
"Damn. Setting records for long-term sales might sound reassuring, but that just means it's an evolutionary dead end that can't be upgraded, doesn't it?"
"Would you prefer to ride one of those tiltrotors? They're brand new."
"No, thanks. All those complicated joints and moving parts scare the hell outta me!!"
"Whew, " said another voice from the side.
The two idiots must not have been the only ones too slow to get a spot on the armored vehicles because a Santa-colored woman climbed in after them.
That college-aged woman with fluffy blonde hair and glasses looked perfect with tears in her eyes.
It was Elise Montana.
"Fuck, it's the walking disaster zone!! Why do we have to share a helicopter with you of all people!?"
"Wait, please don't drag a woman as pretty and kind as me to a filthy public restroom and tie me up with duct tape! And definitely don't write lewd things all over my body with permanent marker!!"
Elise curled up in a corner of the metal box and covered her face, but her fantasies were clearly overblown since they went beyond anything those two idiots would have ever thought up. Frolaytia's threats must have affected her very badly indeed, but those potatoes were not about to take advice that came from a source like that.
Their future remained uncertain as the roar of the engine grew louder overhead. The rotor picked up speed and the metal box shook. The attack helicopter left the ground, but Quenser was too distracted to notice.
"Hyah!?"
"Gh, ghhh."
When the helicopter first shook, the fluffy blonde lost her balance and fell toward him. And even if she was the walking disaster zone who had gotten them into this mess, boobs were boobs. When they fell toward the boy, his face was buried in them.
"N-no, you mustn't! The world's rules say this is supposed to wait until marriage!!"
Now was no time to be enjoying the unexpected gift.
A quiet metallic noise echoed through the cargo room. While Miss Elise flailed her arms around, her hand happened to catch the pin of a grenade directly attached to her red Santa outfit.
They had about 5 seconds until detonation.
"Watch out!!"
Heivia had to make a split-second decision: grab the grenade from her uniform and throw it out, or just chuck Elise out of the helicopter? He ultimately chose the former.
With a dry boom, the attack helicopter tilted from something other than a crosswind.
"Are you kidding me, you walking disaster zone!?" shouted the tearful delinquent noble."That was well past anything we can laugh off as clumsiness!! If you had less than a D-cup, I would've kicked you right out that cargo door just now!!"
"Sob."
"And how in the world do you trip so your ass ends up on Quenser's face and your face is shoved between his legs!? It makes no sense for you to be this ridiculously clumsy without me benefiting in any way!!"
Things were this bad and they had not even run into the Information Alliance troops yet. The enemy did not even need to worry about working through their year-end inventory. If the 37th was given some time off with that deadly klutz around, they would probably wipe themselves out.
At any rate, the large attack helicopter finally managed to arrive in the battlefield sky.
Without sensor support, the view outside was colored almost entirely white by the blizzard and ice fog.
They had slowed down a lot to keep their balance, but they were still moving at more than 200km/h.
Some artillery fire erupted nearby.
It sounded too light for a giant ship's gun.
Had the weather changed or had the blast changed the air pressure?
Whatever the case, the white curtain of small ice crystals briefly vanished.
"Wow, they're really going at it."
"Wait, wait, wait. They're really close. Way too close! What's going on!?"
A ship's gun could accurately hit a target from 20-30km away and a missile from more than 100km away, yet the Legitimacy Kingdom and Information Alliance warships were enclosed in a thick layer of ice from so close no binoculars were needed to see each other.
"Are they pretending to be old-fashioned pirates?"
"The weather is bad and the aurora might be shining overhead. If there was a magnetic storm, their radio navigation and radar would be useless. Being this close to the pole has always caused issues with compasses. They probably didn't notice they were so close due to the white curtain."
Both fleets must have been hurrying to the north pole in order to secure that luxury cruise ship packed full of gold. They had both entered the Arctic from Scandinavia, so they had apparently been sealed in by the thick ice while unaware that their courses intercepted in a giant X-shape.
"A single blast from a ship's gun would take them out at this range."
"But that would detonate their fuel and ammo and both sides would be caught in the huge explosion similar to a fireworks show accident. Those things aren't designed to fire on each other from that close."
Using the ship's guns even against the infantry on the ice could be mistaken for an attack on another ship, leading to a shootout between the fleets. That meant they had to fight using the people and weapons lowered to the thick ice instead of using the ships themselves. That had to be the source of the gunfire and artillery fire echoing into the air. The thought of joining that brass band parade was depressing indeed.
The attack helicopter could let the troops out anywhere, but the ice might break if it tried to land on it. Instead of attempting a dangerous descent on a wire in this blizzard, it would be safer to use the sturdy heliport on one of the ships.
After spotting a small Legitimacy Kingdom destroyer, they descended toward the observation craft heliport on the stern.
"Dammit, it's finally starting. Maybe we should just stay on this helicopter the entire ti-..."
As soon as Heivia said that, another attack helicopter exploded in the white cloudy sky nearby.
"Myonriiiiiiiiiii!!!???" screamed Quenser.
"What the hell!? So their anti-air weaponry is working!?"
The potatoes inside the one helicopter frantically ducked down as the main rotor of the other one sliced through the air toward them.
They had no time to worry about anyone else now.
Something thick could be heard scraping at the exterior of the transport helicopter.
"Myonri, you moron! This is what you get for not choosing to ride along with a big star like me. A jack of all trades like you should've known that."
"Hey, watch out, something just stabbed into this thing!! Was that rotor Myonri's way of telling you to shut up as she died!?"
Their helicopter suddenly tilted at an angle. Some kind of alarm went off and they heard angry shouting from the cockpit. It was obvious at a glance what was coming next.
"They're making an emergency landing, so grab onto something!!"
"Then they can't go for the ice! If we break through, we'll just sink into the frigid ocean. Aim for the ship! Aim for the heliport!!"
They could not expect a clean landing on the belly. They hit the heliport while half rolled onto the side, the main rotor remained tilted like a fan, they cut across the flat plate like they were being tugged by an invisible rope, and the tools scattered around were launched like bullets.
"We're so dead. We're gonna fall. We're just barely on here and tilting like a damn seesaw."
"You're supposed to use this as an excuse to kick Elise out, you idiot."
"Where did this terrible opinion of me come from?" asked Elise."There's something wrong with how you measure people's value!!"
The potatoes crawled out of the large helicopter that had a broken rotor and spewed black smoke. It had flipped onto its side, so they had to leave using the slide door that was now pointed up.
"Hmm. Oh, could you support me from below? Nhhh!"
"Heh heh heh. Struggle all you want climbing out, lady. Yes, more, more!"
Quenser was the capable kind of guy who could lift up someone's butt with both hands while maintaining a gentlemanly expression. Heivia had wasted his chance by climbing out ahead of her.
"A girl who can't do pull-ups on her own is a wonderful thing. Hah hah hah!"
"God, I hate working here. She's already brainwashed him."
They soon received an overview of the situation from the navy landing guidance officer and the others who had nearly been turned to mincemeat by that horizontal pitching machine.
"Th-the huge ship's guns and missiles could sink their ships, but that would probably mean mutual destruction. Fortunately, we have no reason to hold back with anything else."
"We are using the anti-air guns that fire a good distance off the ground and the side deck's Gatling guns that don't cause very large explosions, so be careful."
"Not that any of that can sink a warship. Ha ha ha. But it is all powerful enough to make mincemeat out of those you who will be running around on the ice. Good luck."
"Every last one of them is scum, " grumbled Heivia."They've gotten so used to their comfortable warm-water bidet they've forgotten how to wipe their ass properly."
"But based on those rules, they can't receive supplies from anyone, " replied Quenser."At least we're not fighting a war against hunger. Try to stay positive."
The group about to be thrown into the middle of the barrage and the group facing starvation inside the ship both failed to view the other group as fellow Legitimacy Kingdom soldiers. That was one failing of a vertical society.
"So where's the ship's armory?" Heivia scratched at his short brown hair."And what kind of guns and cannons does the navy have on hand? Carbines? PDWs?"
"Don't be ridiculous. We have nothing to give to you."
The landing guidance officer honestly seemed surprised they were asking, so the two idiots were caught off guard.
He lightly waved around the red baton-like lights also seen at construction sites.
"You're the unit being punished for screwing up in a safe country, right? No one expects you to defeat the enemy and end this battle. Your role is to run out onto the ice in those bright red uniforms, raise a war cry, and draw the enemy fire. We'll be safe as long they're shooting at you."
"..."
"And why would we waste expensive weapons on someone like that? These precious military supplies were bought with the people's tax money, so if you want a better weapon that badly, why not kill an enemy and steal one?"
The potatoes responded by removing the safety on their gun and loading the first bullet.
The muzzle was of course aimed at the guidance officer.
"Hey!"
For some reason the shocked guidance officer crossed the red baton-like lights in front of him.
Perhaps he hoped a red beam would shoot out.
"Pardon us, mister, but we were ordered to kill an enemy to steal their weapons."
"And the military is a vertical society, you see. Yeah, and this ugly guy here's wearing the rank insignia of a lieutenant. None of us can hope to match that, so a lowly private like me has gotta obey that order."
Some confusion followed, but in the end, Quenser blew open a thick steel door so they could borrow the ship's plentiful equipment.
The world grew just a little bit kinder.
"Dammit!" swore Heivia."All they've got are weapons. Now we can't change out of these red uniforms!!"
"Would you rather steal the sweaty and lice-ridden ones they've been using while holed up in here?" asked Quenser."And we've really cleaned the place out. The armory is completely empty. Won't the people left on the ship be slaughtered by some Information Alliance commandos or something?"
"If you want to sound remotely convincing, you might want to stop stealing so much. You're carrying more bombs than anyone."
The bastards wearing Santa costumes (as a punishment the higher ups thought up mostly just for fun) climbed down the steep gangway on the side of the destroyer and found themselves on the deadly ice.
"Ugh, I hope the ice crystals and snow or whatever else cover up all the red on our uniforms."
"Heivia, if our uniforms freeze solid, we'll essentially be pillars of ice."
The Arctic was covered in ice, but since it was also snowing, it did not function like a skating rink. It crunched below their feet.
Quenser's group met up with the other potatoes who had arrived by armored vehicles. Then they equipped Nordic skis.
"Let's try to reach the closest one: the Information Alliance cruiser Cruise Missile 050. It focuses on using its namesake while leaving all the anti-ship attacks to its escort ships and anti-air unit, but it can't use those missiles right now, right? It's a sitting duck."
Sinking the ships was the easy part. They only had to approach the side, attach the necessary amount of explosives, move safely away, and detonate it. Even though they were trapped by thick ice on all sides, they were still floating in the ocean, so a hole below the waterline would let in the seawater needed to sink the ship.
This was different from a tanker abandoned in the desert.
There was only cold water below them, so they remained in a state where it was unnatural for so much weight to be floating.
"Those huge warships are like small fortresses. We can't let our guard down just because they can't move. But once we sink one, the Information Alliance will lose one shield to hide behind. That means less space for them to move around in, so let's get in a preemptive strike and gain an early lead in this struggle over safe territory."
"Hey, something's approaching while you blather on. Is that a recon armored vehicle!?"
"Get down and scatter!! We don't even get Christmas off from fighting!!"
The Legitimacy Kingdom and Information Alliance warships were trapped in the thick ice while within visible distance of each other. There was approximately 2km between those fortresses, so they were close enough for those neighbors to kill each other with a heavy machinegun at any time.
And since the ground was made from the frozen sea, there were no mountains or valleys.
The only prominent cover was the giant warships and the vehicles they had lowered down with cranes. Standing out on the white ice was like asking to be shot.
The armored vehicle was around 700m away. It was only a scout, but it still had a machinegun. And it was a heavy machinegun that required a team of four to operate.
"What do we do!?"
"Get down, get down!!"
"They're not going to overlook us just because we're lying down on this flat ice!!"
They heard the deep sound of propellers slicing through the air.
They looked up to see a large Legitimacy Kingdom transport craft soaring through the white sky. No, it was not just a transport craft. It had autocannons, rapid-fire guns, and other weapons aimed outwards from the sides of its thick fuselage.
It was customized for attacking the surface.
Quenser immediately grabbed his radio.
"Requesting air support! Blow away that armored vehicle up ahead!!"
"Hah hah hah. Why would a punished unit get that kind of service? I'm up here to shoot you in the ass. My commander ordered me to shoot you for disobeying orders if you ever come to a stop. And I get to decide what counts as 'stopping', so even if you survive the enemy attack, we'll just find some excuse to kill you anyway. Have fun☆"
"Heivia, fire a missile straight up."
With the fwoosh of a launching missile, a white trail of smoke stretched sharply up into the sky and a spectacular explosion erupted overhead. Armor panels, gun parts, and other wreckage rained down over a wide area.
Quenser tearfully grabbed the idiot's collar and shook him back and forth.
"Why would you actually shoot, you dumbass!? I was so obviously joking!"
"Shut up. Accidents happen, all right? The military is made to sacrifice individuals for overall victory. And someone who isn't even aiming their guns at the enemy sounds like the perfect candidate for that. Also, get out from behind there if you're going to complain! I scattered those shields with my missile blast!!"
They were kissing morality goodbye, but this had given them some cover on the flat icy ground. Even the smaller pieces were the size of light vehicles, so they could at least avoid being helplessly turned to Swiss cheese by the armored vehicle's machinegun.
"Hey, hacker! Erase those communication logs!!"
"I feel like we've finally crossed a line here."
A series of explosive sounds followed, but it was not the fallen wreckage exploding.
The Information Alliance armored vehicle had belatedly started firing its machinegun at them. That might not seem like much compared to a tank's gun, but each shot was still a giant anti-materiel bullet larger than their thumb. A direct hit to their Santa uniforms would tear them to pieces.
"We have a shield now, right!?" shouted Quenser from behind a propeller and a drum-shaped engine."Hurry up and fire a missile to silence that can of corned beef!"
"Shut up! I just used that missile, remember!? It's going to take a little longer to reload, so find some way to buy me some time!! 30 seconds will do!!"
"20 seconds!"
"It takes 30!!"
"Then get to work instead of arguing, dumbass!!"
"You need to buy me the time!!"
Elise Montana was curled up and acting like a victim despite being the entire reason they were here, so Quenser kicked her out from behind cover. Thanks to the snow and ice below her, her attractive butt slid more than expected, making it look like a bizarre game of curling.
"Ah, ahh, awahhhhhh!!!???"
While the armored vehicle's crew stared at the busty glasses woman's bust or glasses, they hesitated long enough for Heivia to lean out from the other side of a scorched piece of scrap metal and fire the missile resting on his shoulder.
Tearful Elise scrambled back behind cover with the deafening explosion slamming into her back. Her trembling hands grabbed at Quenser.
"How, but, h-h-how could you do that to m-me!?"
"Shut up and wipe the fog off your glasses. We need to get moving. That was just a scout, so there will be more coming!!"
They heard several sounds much like sparkling wine corks being removed.
"Those are mortars!!" shouted Heivia."Heads up!!"
Heads up or no, they would be killed if those fell on them, so the rule-breaking potatoes moved fast. Before the explosives could fall in a large curve like a long throw in baseball, they dove behind their next cover - another piece of wreckage from the custom transport craft that had rained down around them.
Heivia looked back while hiding behind the rear of the cockpit that had nearly been sliced clean off.
"Dammit, those aren't 80mm. They broke right through the thick ice trapping the ships here, so there's nothing left where we just were. And they've climbed up on top of that can of corned beef."
"Hey, can't you take them all out with a missile!?"
"Again, I just fired one. So buy me time to reload!!"
The busy blonde who looked better in a Santa costume than anyone jumped when she heard that.
More than just tearful, she had a veritable waterfall of tears flowing down her cheeks as she clung to Quenser.
"I can't, I can't, I can't!! That will never work again, so use what little brains you have to think up a way for me and my unbelievable beauty to survive! As long as I make it, then feel free to get yourselves killed! Please muster every bit of stupid cleverness your stupid mind can manage!!"
Quenser did as he was told by stripping off a piece of her red uniform and kicking her out with her plump legs bared.
"Heivia used her giant curling butt to target the distant armored vehicle.
"Hey, can I do the stripping and you do the blowing up next time?"
"You'd take it way too far, so no."
Elise Montana tugged down on the bottom of her coat with both hands (without noticing this only accentuated her large chest) and obediently returned to the same cover those two were using.
"Ah, ah ha ha. It's cold. It's so cold. Please give me back my pants. Hurry, hurry. Brr. Chatter, chatter, chatter!!"
"Huh? She isn't acting all bashful and stuff."
"It's 15 below, remember? In extreme situations, people tend to be more worried about survival than sexiness."
There were no advantageous positions on the open terrain. The trucks and snowmobiles could be seen as nothing more than larger targets, so they actually increased the risk. More and more infantry moved out into the open. They apparently planned to use machinegun fire to hold Quenser's group in place while the infantry circled around behind them to the right.
"What do we do?"
"Memorize where the shields are."
The two idiots threw a long, skinny smoke grenade in a large arc over the wreckage they were hiding behind. When the metal can fell on the ice, it scattered colorful smoke with a loud bwoosh sound. That obscured the enemy's view. The heavy machinegun was certainly a fearsome threat, but it was meaningless if those thumb-thick bullets could not hit.
"The next shield is 50m away at 10 o'clock!"
"Eh? Eh? You want us to run out into that horizontal storm? The bullets are still flying even if they can't see us!!"
"Then you can stay here on your own. C'mon, we're going!!"
They wanted to crouch as low as possible, but the Nordic skis made that difficult, so they pushed their bodies forward with their legs and the ski poles to reach the next shield. It was like jumping from stone to stone in a pond. If they slowed down along the way, they would be hit by the bullets and reduced to a pond of blood. The snowy ice was a lot rougher than a skating rink.
"Eek, eek, eeeeek!"
"Your opinion of people sure is a relative thing, isn't it? After hearing hopelessly incompetent Elise sob like this, this scrawny boy over here starts looking like some kind of veteran hero."
As soon as they made it behind the torn-off tail wing, the glasses woman tore off her skis and curled up on the ground. She may have been trying to cut herself off from the reality around her, but it looked a lot like an Island Nation prostration.
Quenser slapped at the round butt sticking out his way.
"Elise, Elise."
"P-please just leave me alone."
"If you insist. The Information Alliance soldiers will circle around here soon enough, but we'll respect your wishes and not help you while you just lie there. Although the enemy will probably think you're seducing them."
Elise Montana immediately got back up.
At the same time, Heivia tossed Quenser the missile launcher tube, switched to his assault rifle, leaned out from behind the wreckage, and fired a quick burst. However, his only allies here were an explosion addict who could not even use a gun and that blonde walking disaster zone who had no apparent skills. If he kept firing from the same spot for too long, the counterattack would focus there, so he was constantly on the move either circling to the opposite side of the wreckage or climbing up on top of it to aim down like it was a fence.
The two with nothing to do did their best to cheer him on.
"Wow, glad I'm not Heivia right now."
"Kyah! Work yourself to the bone for me!"
The loss of Myonri was proving painful already.
Heivia was forced to take her position as the jack of all trades.
"You two!! Can't you at least try to help by pretending to hold out guns to distract them or something!? Y'know, like a game of whack-a-mole!!"
"No, thanks. I don't want to get hit by a stray bullet when I don't even have a weapon."
"How about you take a look at the situation here? We're being pushed back, so I can't stop the Information Alliance infantry from gradually getting closer."
"And?"
"Once they get here, they'll circle behind us!!"
Quenser undid the clasps and removed the Nordic skis that were only getting in the way.
As soon as someone circled around the wreckage and peeked out at them, tearful Elise grabbed one of her skis in both hands and swung it around while Quenser jabbed out with his ski pole. He managed to stab the enemy right in the throat - in the gap between the helmet and the bulletproof jacket.
He heard a gurgling scream.
Except the Information Alliance soldier had managed to pull the pin from a grenade on his chest during the confusion. Once he knew he was done for, he must have decided to take out as many enemies as he could for his allies' sake.
His heart was as good as his looks.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!?"
Quenser kicked the dying soldier out of the way and frantically tried to get down on the ground, but he ran straight into useless Elise instead. They ended up in a tangled heap on the ice.
A muffled explosion rang out.
"Hwuh?"
Elise made a silly noise while lying on her back and holding Quenser's head into her big boobs.
That good-looking guy had guts, but detonating the grenade without giving a warning first had been a mistake. He ended up taking out several of his fellow Information Alliance soldiers instead of Quenser or Heivia.
"You can get away with anything if you're good-looking, can't you?" said Elise.
"Mgh, gh. Speak those cursed words one more time and you'll regret it, " complained Quenser.
"Pfh. If it makes you mad, it means you know it doesn't apply to you. Peh heh heh."
Quenser attached a stun grenade to that busty blonde and kicked her out from behind cover.
Just as everyone's eyes were drawn to the cylindrical rod stuffed into her cleavage, a nonlethal flash and bang ruled the battlefield.
"Awaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!???"
"Heivia, fire!!"
Quenser's desperate cry proved meaningless because his awful friend was holding his eyes and writhing in pain. That busty glasses woman was just about the worst combat partner there was, but she undoubtedly had a devilish charm. Quenser had no choice but to grab his bloody ski pole and attack the collapsed enemy soldiers.
No matter how much their athleticism had been optimized with the sports engineering of a digital society and no matter how much their bodies had been built up with the perfect diet, they were as helpless as babies while collapsed on the ground.
"What the hell? My head hurts so bad, " said Heivia."Urp, did you really have to kill them all while they were down? What's the point of the nonlethal weapon then?"
"They would've woken up as quick as you did. Did you want them to grab their guns again?"
Once the enemy's stock of infantry was used up, they only had their trucks and snowmobiles that were loaded with high-power machineguns and mortars but were fairly limited in use. The Information Alliance's boxy canned goods (designed for cold climates) tried to pull back toward their warship, but Heivia's missile stabbed through the air and blew them away before they could.
"Did you just use me as a jack-in-the-box!?" complained tearful Elise.
"Don't worry. It was a nonlethal stun grenade."
"Don't be ridiculous. I still have a throbbing pain there. Look how red it is!!"
"Eh heh heh. Elisey, you're gonna need to give me a better look than that."
While staring at the busty part of the busty blonde since she was so generously opening her collar and showing off the pink mark left by the stun grenade, Quenser put on a kinder expression.
"Seriously though, I think that had about a 20% chance of killing you."
"That's even worse than I thought. Um, isn't that riskier than a round of Russian roulette?"
At any rate, this was their chance.
Before enemy reinforcements could arrive, they moved from wreckage to wreckage and arrived at the warship they had set as their goal. Cruise Missile 050 was one of the Information Alliance ships acting as a stationary base while trapped in the ice.
Quenser's job was simple now that he was right up next to it.
After measuring the thickness of the wall with an ultrasound echo, he cut off the right size of Hand Axe plastic explosive and attached it to the wall. The explosive alone would have been too unstable, so he included something like a metal bowl. The trick was to thinly spread the clay-like explosive along the interior of the bowl like it was margarine.
"What difference does that make?"
"It's called the Munroe effect, Heivia. The wall is only in one direction, so letting the blast spread in all 360 degrees would be a waste of energy. The blast is a lot more powerful if you focus it on a single point like a spear."
Heivia decided only a freak could understand what a freak was talking about, so he tuned it out.
Once the fireworks were set up, they only had to move far enough away.
"Elise, move 20m back."
"Sure, sure."
"Everyone else, move 100m back."
"Wait, what?"
Before she could question it, Quenser hit his radio's switch and triggered a fairly large explosion to ring in the new year a week early.
Even if it was 200m long, a ship was still a ship. Once the cruiser had a hole in the side large enough for someone to crawl through, the seawater poured in and it began to tilt.
After getting up from a sexy pose with her legs collapsed beneath her, Elise shouted a complaint while red in the face.
"You son of a bitch! What did I ever do to deserve this!?"
"Elise, if you stay there, you'll be dragged into the ocean by the broken ice. And what did you do to deserve this? Have you already forgotten the entire reason we were sent here, you needlessly sexy glasses woman!?"
Part 5
It meant a lot to demonstrate how it was done.
It was like jumping from stone to stone in a pond. They would approach the Information Alliance ships trapped in the thick ice, attach bombs, and blow them up to sink them.
"Infantry sinking a warship deserves a medal, don't you think?"
"A fighter pilot sinking a ship would get a medal, but a ship blowing up a ship with one of their huge-ass anti-ship missiles is considered business as usual. Explosives are explosives, so this will be categorized like normal on all the paperwork."
Once they had actually sunk one, they discovered that blowing a hole in warships did not actually make them sink. When they tilted too far, either the fuel pipes inside would bend and break or the contents of the armory would fall from the shelves and crash into each other. Either way, the ship would blow up from within and scatter wreckage everywhere like a volcanic eruption.
And that was perfectly fine with them.
Once they knew it was coming, they only had to make use of it. There was nowhere to hide on the uniformly flat ice surface, so those randomly-scattered "gifts" were a lot of help.
"Killing the enemy to steal from them really is the way to go. The more we attack, the fewer of them there are and the more cover we have to hide behind. It all works in our favor."
"Yeah, I wonder what that destroyer is up to right now. Do you think the Information Alliance has sunk it in a counterattack yet?"
Quenser's group continued on while recoloring the hopelessly white battlefield to construct their own safe zones. Eventually, the wind died down.
The Legitimacy Kingdom and Information Alliance fleets had ended up frozen in place without realizing they were approaching each other in an X-shape. It was not perfectly straight, but the enemy fleet was generally arranged in a long line.
"There it is, " said Heivia while using his assault rifle's scope to look into the distance."That ship is completely different form the others. It's civilian. Check your mobile device's map. Is that the aurora observation ship!?"
"Yeah, that's the Julius Caesar. How did we manage to reach the goal first?"
That was when the color white flashed in front of their eyes.
The sunlight seemed to blur whitely despite the lack of wind and then Quenser found he could not see even 5m ahead of him.
"What!? A whiteout!?"
"It's ice fog. Basically, the frozen fog is reflecting the sunlight! This is really bad. Don't rely on your compass. We're so close to the north pole that the needle isn't going to tell you anything worthwhile!!"
Was that low rumbling due to the inclement weather?
Quenser meaninglessly looked up into the white sky.
"Lightning in this wide-open space? We're gonna get struck down by divine punishment at this rate."
The tearful complaints naturally came from Elise Montana.
"B-b-b-b-b-but we still have a chance, don't we? We'll be frozen solid if we stay out here, but there's that aurora observation ship, right? B-b-brr, I don't think I can keep going unless we get some hot soup or something on that ship. Chatter, chatter, chatter."
She was asking for the rescuees to rescue the rescuers, but it was true the Julius Caesar had no chance if their rescuers were wiped out by the cold or the lightning. And they had to reach that ship to save them, so they had to trudge on regardless of Elise's suggestion.
"What exactly are we supposed to do?"
They only had their memories to go on. They did not want to end up walking in circles within that white screen, so Heivia kept his eyes down on the ground while moving his Nordic skis and ski poles.
"We've arrived at the goal like we were told, but that ship is trapped by the thick ice, right? How do we save them? Surely we aren't supposed to keep fighting the Information Alliance until the ice thaws in the spring."
Technically, the higher ups of both armies were interested in the gold onboard the ship and not the crew and passengers, but the problem was the same either way. Gold was heavy. It would be suicidal to try and carry it back through this firefight just because the ship could not move.
"Pant, pant. There is it. We're almost there. We were going the right way after all."
"A little more to the right, Elise."
"Yes, yes. You're trying to trick me into walking in circles, aren't you? I've figured you out at this poin- hgee!?"
| ← Ch. 152 | Ch. 154 → |