novelA Warrior and Dancer from Norse Mythology. The First Friday of February
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There was a certain small jeans shop in London.
"No. I have nothing to sell to you."
"Wh-why not?" Kanzaki Kaori slammed both of her hands on the small counter."I have the money right here! I brought enough money to pay your exorbitant price that ignores the market price for vintage jeans and enough for a tip, so why won't you sell them to me!?"
"Because look at you!!"
The shop owner pointed towards Kanzaki's thigh.
The jeans she was wearing had one leg cut off all the way up to the top of her thigh. This brought out an asymmetric beauty and just straight up sexiness, but...
"I'm not going to let you cut up the vintage jeans I travelled all over the world to get!! Here, I'll explain it for you since you don't seem to understand their value. These jeans are full of all sorts of creativity for the sake of the men who worked in the mines during the Gold Rush!!"
"I know that. And like I said, I'll make sure to make a bag out of the pieces I cut off."
"Mohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"
The shop owner tore at his head with both hands and yelled like an enraged bull.
"Anyway, I won't sell anything to you and I won't work with you either! If you don't like it go crying to the god of jeans and premium items and apologize!!"
"... I see. And I haven't even explained what the job entails yet... If you really won't help me... that's too bad..."
Kanzaki's shoulders drooped.
"I suppose I'll have to do something about the rumored Jeans Slasher myself."
"Mention that kind of thing sooner."
Kanzaki Kaori's job was to defeat evil magicians.
It was the kind of vague occupation you would see in a picture book, but it was true. And because she belonged to an organization connected to the national church, it actually had the stable income of a government job. England's heavy taxation went to things like this that the people didn't even know about.
(Like in a picture book... ?)
Kanzaki felt a bit of self-derision.
Her heart was actually shut tight due to certain circumstances.... Except that it was impossible for humans to keep just a single emotion in their hearts. Unless a person twisted his own fundamental personality beyond repair, natural decency and compassion would come out on his face.
"By the way, where is that bastard Stiyl."
Stiyl was Kanzaki's colleague.
"He's pursuing that girl."
"He's still doing that?"
"..."
"Well, it isn't my place to say anything about that. I'll just be praying that some idiot gallantly comes running in to interfere."
After saying that, the shop owner changed the subject.
"... Oh, Kanzaki. Aren't you cold dressed like that in this February weather?"
The shop owner had his arms wrapped around himself and was shivering. In London, February was the season of snow. And that year all of Great Britain was wrapped in the kind of cold wave that would kill the little match girl. Small lakes were frozen solid enough to walk over.
And yet Kanzaki had one of her legs completely bare up all the way up the thigh.
"Not really."
"Unbelievable..."
The shop owner had blue lips, visible exhalations, and was dressed as thickly as someone taking on Everest.
"So what's this Jeans Slasher you mentioned?"
"It's exactly what it sounds like. Some unknown person is cutting up the jeans of passersby in the street. So far, all the damage has been to their jeans and no one has been injured."
"We're going to kill this guy, right?"
"It's too soon to decide that."
"The Jeans Slasher, huh? I'm amazed you aren't the prime suspect."
"??? Why would I be a suspect?" Kanzaki asked with her head cocked to the side in puzzlement and her thigh exposed.
The shop owner sighed.
"So do you have an idea where the criminal is?"
"A little. This person's actions have the smell of Norse mythology on them."
"... Do you have any proof? Who investigated it?"
"Theodosia."
"Her? Can we really rely on that?... Ah."
An old bearded man collapsed to the floor in front of the shop owner and Kanzaki. Both legs and part of the crotch of his jeans had been completely cut off making them more like briefs than even cut jeans.
The shop owner instinctually covered his face with his hands.
"How horrid! This proud English gentleman has had all his pride taken from him so he doesn't even have the willpower to fix his beard!!"
"Yes, if you're going to cut them, it has to be done more elegantly."
"I'm really not going to sell anything to you!"
Then Kanzaki heard what sounded like metal plates rubbing together.
It sounded just like a pair of scissors.
"!?"
Kanzaki immediately spun around and swung the scabbard of her long sword at about the same time as someone carrying a blade approached at high speed. The two figures crossed. A meaningless "dopah!" sound effect split the air, but Kanzaki's jeans did not become denim briefs.
"Who are you!?" Kanzaki yelled while glaring at her opponent.
The identity of the attacker who must be the Jeans Slasher was a woman about Kanzaki's age. She was a beautiful woman with hair that was more silver than it was gold. She was wearing a special breastplate made of an arrangement of various pieces of steel over a piece of cloth, similarly made waist armor, long gloves on both hands that reached her elbows and were decorated with a cow print for some reason, and long boots that reached her thighs and were decorated in the same way as the gloves.
Kanzaki Kaori's eyes turned to dots.
The jeans shop owner was in complete shock. He spoke as his body shook.
"That's... the legendary bikini armor."
Kanzaki Kaori was a bit flustered with that ridiculous outfit in front of her.
"Um, uh... where do I even start!? Well, I don't think you're wearing enough of a top, so do something about that!!"
The mysterious exhibitionist swelled up her ridiculously large chest and spoke.
"You're not wearing enough of a top either. Even I'm impressed with that sexiness."
"... !!"
"Wait, Kanzaki!! It's too soon to draw your sword!! And let me say that objectively you're dressed much too sexily as well!!"
"Wh-why are you holding me back and agreeing with her!? Did you forget that I have to fight that exhibitionist Jeans Slasher!?"
"No, we might still be able to settle this peacefully!! We have to bear with it for now!!"
"R-really!? To be honest, I'm about halfway to giving up!! Shouldn't I hurry up and take out that pervert!?"
"Just bear with it a little longer!! Although, it's true that as a clothing professional I can tell you that outfit is ridiculous. That cow print is meaningless! It's just there to accentuate the idea of breasts!! And that's caused my gaze to become fixed on them this whole time!!"
"That's just because you like them!!"
The shop owner flew 5 meters through the air like in a Hong Kong movie after being hit by Kanzaki's fist.
Seeing that, the bikini woman giggled. It was a quiet, charming laugh that was the complete opposite of her outfit.
"That man can't be blamed for being aroused. After all, that's the whole reason that I, a Valkyrie, exist."
(A Valkyrie?)
In Norse mythology, a Valkyrie was a celestial maiden or a term for a human warrior girl. They were said to have the duty of sending the souls of warriors to Odin's Valhalla in preparation for the coming final battle of Ragnarok, but there were sects that believed that they were not originally angels or spirits or anything else "not originally human". Apparently, human girls could become Valkyries by wishing for the battle more than anything and being given power by Odin. Basically, courageous girls could become deified by heading down a special path.
Humans could become Valkyries.
As such, it wasn't surprising for someone in the magical business to run across a sect that was trying to artificially do so. Magic was like an artificial diamond. It was purposefully causing the miraculous phenomena that occurred by accident. So it wasn't necessarily wrong to want to create an easy and simple recipe for becoming a Valkyrie.
"Why is a Valkyrie apprentice doing something like this? If you're looking for a macho soul, you aren't going to find one here."
"Tsk tsk tsk. Transporting the souls of warriors isn't the only duty a Valkyrie has. It's much more important that she serves the warriors in Valhalla drink and charm him with her dancing and have that soul train for the sake of Valhalla. My goal is to use my charm to increase my Einherjar and amass as much power as a magic cabal all on my own."
"In other words, " said the warrior girl as she swelled up her chest even further, "this is my answer to what a Valkyrie should be!! Sometimes I fight, sometimes I dance, and I contain both courage and beauty!! I am the dancer in the sexy armoooooooooorrrrrrr!!"
(... So she's not just idiotically dressed? She's an idiot, too?)
For an instant—just an instant—Kanzaki Kaori felt like completely giving up, but she shook her head and managed to pull herself together. Kanzaki's magic name was Salvare000. She couldn't give up here.
But she couldn't deny that she was distracted.
"Okay! I lost heart there for a second, so let's talk this over and fight!!"
"Hah hah!! We have both thrown away our humanity to wear these embarrassing outfits! A Valkyrie like me cannot be stopped by a magician like you!!"
"So you still have a sense of shame! Good, you can still be saved... !!"
Kanzaki was oddly overcome with emotion, but the sexy Valkyrie's attack was relatively fast and strong for someone who was merely calling herself a Valkyrie. And as their blades clashed, the Valkyrie spoke.
"This is the true value of being a warrior girl.... This is Nine Support!!"
After she called out in a loud voice, the shadow at her feet suddenly split into nine parts. Kanzaki cautiously observed the mysterious shadow that became much like a magic circle.
"!?"
However, nothing really happened with the nine shadows, Valkyrie spun around in the center, and the shadows disappeared. Then Kanzaki heard something while sitting there confused.
"Muhoooooooooohhhhhhhhh!?" came the sudden scream of the jeans shop owner.
"What? What? What happened?" Kanzaki said as she turned to look.
The shop owner who had been collapsed on the floor up until then was standing up in an odd angular way. No. Actually, 9 girls were grabbing his hands, his legs, his waist, and his neck forcing him to move.
"Hee hee hee. When magically calling in warriors, a Valkyrie can pull off 9 at once. My spell uses 9 girls to control a man as my pawn!!"
"And what about his will?"
"The spell is easier to use on someone who is thinking 'What incomparable ultimate feminine beauty! You are simply too beautiful!! I want to just throw all other women out of my life and serve you!! In fact, your beauty is so great that things like god seem insignificant in comparison!'."
Kanzaki Kaori interpreted that to mean that she wore that sexy bikini in order bring out sexual desire in men so she could control them. Kanzaki looked coldly at the shop owner.
He averted his gaze awkwardly and just said "sorry".
Kanzaki simply nodded.
"I'll chop off your head."
"Wait! Wait, Kanzaki!! My sense of justice is in conflict inside my mind right now!! I'll break free of this cowardly magic with love and courage, so just watch my manly way of living!!"
Valkyrie then bent over, put her palms on her lap and used her upper arms to squeeze together her breasts while she closed one eye in a wink.
"If you take her out, I'll show you all sorts of things. Do you prefer to do things or to have things done to you?"
"... I'm sorry, Kanzaki. My heart just moved past the point of no return."
"Okay, your head's coming off."
Despite what she said, a bit of kindness must have remained within Kanzaki, because she struck the jeans shop owner with the back of her sword and he flew through the London air.
Having taken care of the traitor, Kanzaki returned to the battle and asked about the core of the situation.
"By the way, why are you only slicing up gentlemen's jeans?"
"Oh, my specialty for the warrior's reception is humiliation play (S-side)."
Kanzaki's desire to kick her ass for being a nuisance to others increased by 20%.
| ← Ch. 08 | Ch. 10 → |