novelForever Self-Contradicting
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Forever Self-Contradicting
Han Leng laughed at himself humorlessly. He always knew of his own limitations, and was way over his head at that moment. A guy like him would catch a girl's heart
Admittedly, he was famous and popular in the literary circle. He even attracted many fangirls because of his handsome appearance. Although these fangirls appear to infatuated with his appearance, Han Leng was aware that the fangirls were only attracted to their mental imagery of him. Their imaginations were only this beautiful, because of their distant proximity.
If they really knew him as a person, they would not remain as infatuated as before. Han Leng was a negative, pessimistic person. It was this aloofness that gave off a carefree, easy-going attitude, which always gave a nonchalant feeling to someone else.
Even if he did like someone, he would never be able to overcome the negativity and pessimism at his core. He would never display any passion, or the initiative to pursue a girl. Han Leng did not see the meaning in all of this. There was nothing that could last until the end of times, and being with a girl at the end of the world was no different from being alone at the end of the world.
At least, he still had "literature" as the essence of his inner world. Even if he was alone, at least he could write himself a captivating girl in a beautiful world that he's written for himself. Wouldn't that suffice?
To a passionate author who intended to deliver at least one masterpiece to the world, the importance of his inner world was far greater, even moreso than reality itself. Arguably, these were the losers of reality. Even if they struggled for an entire lifetime, they might not yet reach the level of someone who grew accustomed to reality at the moment of birth. So, why not use a pen and ink to write out the perfect life they could have experienced? No holds barred!
Han Leng self-reflected as so, and quickly decided against observing Zhao Youyue. She may have been a character created by him, but she would not be interested in something as boring as love, and would not be interested in a three-dimensional man.
It could not be helped. One of them was a three-dimensional author, while the other was a character in the literary world. Even if they loved each other, how would they cross one dimension and be together?
Han Leng was overthinking again. Lady Zhao was obviously a living, breathing human being. How could she be a character from a story? He might have drunk too much - which was why he had such negative thoughts.
Han Leng was attracting quite some attention in his classmate reunion party, and was undeniably the center of attention. After all, The Great Scholar Han was doing the best among his classmates. To him, doing well in the college entrance exams or enrolling in a university would not benefit him, as he could rely on his writings to live a well-off life. Enrolling to a university was just a way of gathering materials to him.
Thus, quite a few of his classmates took the initiative to toast with him. Han Leng absolutely abhorred alcohol, but he did not turn anyone down on that day. He soon realized that the tipsy buzzing was not so bad. Perhaps this was the appeal of alcohol.
The more he drank, the wider his eyes were opened. He even discovered an endless loop
He truly admired Lady Zhao, and he really liked her, a lot. However, caught somewhere between these feelings of attractions came the idea, "Zhao Youyue would not be interested in something as boring as love; she would never fall in love." If there comes a day when Zhao Youyue suddenly came up and confessed to him, he would appear dull and uninterested.
This was Han Leng. This innocent, complex, artsy, psychologically challenged, drama queen could also be crazy.
According to his standards of attraction, his love would never, ever be reciprocated. He would be perfectly happy to allow himself to be used by the other person, and end up alone forever.
Perhaps the only thing he was not worried about was that the girl would suddenly fall into the trap of a boring, dull love. She would then become shy, weak and delicate, lovesick. That would be most unsightly. Repulsively so.
However, women in the real world were all like this. Obviously, calling them repulsive and unsightly might just be too much. We could only say that they were highly common
To someone like Han Leng who was a stubborn, crazy genius who thought too highly of himself, "ordinary" would be uninteresting. Women who get upset and suffer abysmal agony, because of picking uninteresting men for no valid reason whatsoever.
Too few women were realistically aware of their own limitations. Before falling in love, they might just seem a little interesting. As single ladies, they might still be demure and full of life. However, once they start falling in love, they would be done for. They would let anything go for the sake of love.
Han Leng had read numerous works from female authors and soon detected a pattern. When it came to works that were catered to women, they stopped writing just about anything else, and stuck to love when romance kicked in. Love could save everything in the world
It was boring and monotonous.
If there came a day when Lady Zhao became such a woman, even she fell in love with him, he would find it boring and mundane. At that time, he would choose to leave the country and completely give up on real-life women.
He believed that Zhao Youyue had the greatest potential to keep him in love and interested forever.
So, do not ever fall in love, Lady Zhao.
Do not be attracted or yield to anyone. You have to remain high up there, above the rest of humanity, looking down at everyone from the tip of her nose, remaining as superior as ever. That would be the most beautiful attitude you could ever have. No girl would ever be on par with Lady Zhao in this world!
Han Leng emotionlessly chugged down the last glass of alcohol and left the party that was becoming increasingly boring. The party was becoming flooded with all sorts of scenes of love confessions and crying farewells, which was all too familiar for him. Perhaps, four years later, they would be doing paired exercises of, oh, it might not be too long. He was afraid that at the end of the military training, he would still have to experience the sadness and reluctance of parting with the leaving instructor.
This was probably how an ordinary person felt. Han Leng had used such sentiments as reference when inking out a fictional character who was supposed to emulate the traits of a normal person. It was fine to put oneself in their shoes then and now, for it helped in his work.
It was high time for him to create a new story. Unfortunately, he did not think that he could write anything that surpassed "Beautiful April" at that moment. However, he might just be able to write something that sold far better. He even had a title in mind - "Dragon Raja."
Zhao Youyue did not any pay attention to Han Leng's early departure from the party. She even went to the KTV to karaoke after eating, with a bunch of classmates with whom she could not remember their names. However, she was not interested in singing, and so she was glued to her phone in the KTV. It was a common sight. Every time there was a get-together, someone would always be minding their own business, playing with his phone. The others would quickly tease on the poor soul.
However, Lady Zhao's side character aura was dazzling. She did not have to bear with any teasing or taunting from anyone else.
To phone addicts, their phones were the most important things to them. Attend a boring social event like a party was already a sign of their acknowledgement. Asking them to put down their phones might just cross the lines.
Of course, it was boorish on more than one level.
If that's the case, so be it. If you disapprove of her manners, that's your business. As long as she's happy, everything is okay hehehe...
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