novel101 Fancy Ways to Kill Yourself
| ← Ch.053 | Ch.055 → |
Translated by Eve
Edited by Kara
101 Fancy Ways to Kill Yourself
Xie He's eyes were red.
My Dad would not treat me like this, my Dad would not be so merciless... my Dad would not do such things to me!
Deng Jingwen closed his eyes, covering up the suffering inside, and said, "I know that you still blame me. After all, I went overboard with the things I did. It's normal for you to be angry with me. Only, Dad really knows that he was wrong. I promise that I won't do it again."
Xie He's face was completely white. His gaze was empty, and he muttered to himself, "You're not...."
Deng Jingwen looked at him, tone soft, "You must be tired today. Go to bed early, ba. I've already had people help you tidy up your room."
After he said this, he paused for a second and then left.
He knew that so long as he stayed, the boy would never feel at ease. He needed to give him time alone.
Xie He stayed in the empty living room all by himself.
After a long time—so long that his legs had become paralyzed, he walked up to the second floor with stiff limbs.
His old room was on the second floor... that place had already been cleared out and given to someone else. He had already been mercilessly expelled from there....
At this moment, he stood at the familiar door. He reached out and was about to push the door open when he suddenly revealed a timid expression. After a period of time... he lightly pushed the door open.
The room's interior was exactly as he remembered it. Everything had been put back in their original place. Even the little objects he had randomly displayed on his desk had not changed. It was as if... this place had never changed, and everything had been nothing but a nightmare.
Xie He finally lost all strength and gradually slid onto the floor. He buried his head into his arms, shoulders slightly shaking, looking like he was crying silently.
【Xie He：Are there surveillance cameras?】
【444：Yes.... 】
【Xie He：It's truly hard for Dad to change his nature.:)】
....................................
Deng Jingwen had always been a man who did what he said. From that day on, he earnestly played a concerned, loving, well-qualified father.
Not only did he not do anything over the top, but the occasional everyday actions were also very restrained. It was as if he was afraid that Xie He would overthink things. Although he would pamper the boy, he would never do anything that would make someone misunderstand.
However, Xie He remained indifferent. He never called him "Dad."
Deng Jingwen felt defeated and unwell. He watched the boy cry in his room every night, but he acted like he didn't know, enduring the depression in his chest while smiling at the boy.
After some time, Deng Jingwen suddenly told Xie He one day, "Xiao Zhuo, I have a present for you."
Xie He did not make a sound.
Deng Jingwen led him by the hand and brought him over to the front yard. In the yard was a dazzling and extremely cool racing motorbike. Deng Jingwen said, "I had this custom-made for you. Do you like it?"
Xie He's expression did not change at all. It was like what he was looking at wasn't the motorbike he loved the most but a pile of scrap metal. He said, "Thank you, Sir."
Deng Jingwen was already used to the boy's reactions. He still smiled at him dotingly, "If you aren't satisfied with it, it's fine. I'll invite the designer over. Whatever you like, he'll make the changes, OK?"
The corner of Xie He's mouth raised, and he couldn't help but smile satirically. This man would never change.
Deng Jingwen acted like he didn't see it. He brought Xie He back into the house and had him sit on the sofa. He then personally brought out something from the kitchen and placed it on the table.
Xie He looked at it. It was a cake. It didn't look like much. It was obvious that it had been made by an amateur. On the top, there were words written in cream: "Happy Birthday."
Xie He's expression finally changed.
Deng Jingwen smiled, "Xiao Zhuo, today is your birthday, so I made you a cake. Only, it's my first time, so it's a bit of a failure."
Xie He fixed his eyes on him as if he didn't recognize him.
Deng Jingwen stuck some candles in the cake. 19 candles in total. He then beckoned Xie He over, "Come make a wish, ba."
Xie He didn't move. His eyes were firmly stuck on that cake&#k2026;as if it was something horrifying&#k2026;something that would make him fall into an abyss, something that was trying to sway his closed off heart.
"Xiao Zhuo?" Deng Jingwen called out, looking at him inquiringly.
Xie He's eyes were stinging a bit from having stared at the cake so hard. The scene in front of him was something he had dreamt of so many times. It finally came true, but he already didn't want it any more&#k2026;he didn't need this at all! He suddenly darted over and smacked the cake onto the floor! He trampled the words "Happy Birthday" into a mess with his foot! He still didn't seem satisfied after that and trampled over it a few more times!
He used a fierce, hopeless gaze to glare at Deng Jingwen, "Enough! You're not my Dad!"
Deng Jingwen paled. He wanted to say something, but his throat felt painful. He couldn't say anything. He could only reach out, wanting to placate the boy.
However, the boy dodged him. He emphasized, "My dad has already died."
His dad had already died. The first time he had expelled him from the family, the first time he had pressed him down underneath his body, the first time he had chased him out of his own room... he had already died, died, died!
Deng Jingwen's eyes were full of remorse, but he forced himself to smile and said, "Xiao Zhuo, what nonsense are you saying... ?"
Xie He finally fell apart. He screeched, both arms wrapping around his head, "Why do you have to pretend to be my dad, why do you have to pretend to be my dad!? You're not!"
He then ran out. He could not take this anymore!
He didn't have a father like this!
This kind of life, that was beautiful to the point of being unreal, was not real!
He didn't want to deceive himself anymore. He'd had enough!
Deng Jingwen watched the boy run away. He felt like his heart was leaking blood.
How could he not know that it was already too late? But... aside from doing his best to play the role of a good father, he didn't know what else he could do. He didn't know how else he could stay by the boy's side....
Deng Jingwen stood in place for a moment and then chased after the boy. He didn't dare pursue him too closely. He kept a distance from the boy as he followed him.
The boy finally stood in front of a bridge, unmoving. He held the rails as he gazed far into the distance.
Probably because he had vented, but he looked much calmer. He was no longer hysterical, nor did he go crazy with rage. He only stood there peacefully. The wind rustled his clothes. He looked like he would soon float away.
After a while, he turned. He pursed his lips, voice light, "You've come."
Deng Jingwen nodded. He hesitated for a while, then carefully walked over and whispered, "Go home with Dad, OK?"
Xie He didn't nod, but he didn't shake his head either. He tilted his head, black pupils seeming to have an extremely complicated emotion brewing within. He looked like he was yearning for something but also afraid of it at the same time. He suddenly asked, "Are you really my father?"
Deng Jingwen did not hesitate. He said, "Yes."
Xie He blinked. His eyes were glossy. He asked again, "Then, why did you treat me like that?"
Deng Jingwen could not control the grief in his voice. He said, "Because, I love you."
"You love me?" Xie He questioned.
"Yes, " Deng Jingwen gently cupped his face and slowly said, "I love you more than anything else."
Xie He smiled, "Then, why do you want to go back to being my father? Do you not love me anymore?"
Deng Jingwen shook his head, "No, it's because I love you even more."
Xie He gazed at him, tears streaming down. He laughed, "So, it turns out... that you love me, ah...."
Deng Jingwen reached out to gently wipe the boy's tears and whispered, "I'm sorry...."
Xie He didn't get angry or lose control. He didn't scream frenetically. He only peacefully allowed Deng Jingwen's fingertips to lightly wipe at the corner of his eyes. There was a dense fondness and reluctance to part in his eyes. He said, "Dad... actually, I've always really loved you."
Deng Jingwen looked at the boy. He finally heard him call him "Dad." He had waited for so long, for so long... so long that being called "Dad" now felt like an extravagant hope.
However, he also finally got to hear the boy say: "Dad, I love you."
At this moment, it didn't matter what kind of love it was. What was important was that the person he loved also loved him back.
【Ding, the target, Deng Jingwen's Favourability Value +1. The current Favourability Value is 100. 】
The sound of a distant train could be heard. Its rumbling seemed to dampen everything around them, dampening all of the sorrow, love, pain, and reluctance to part at that moment.
Xie He suddenly stood on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Deng Jingwen's neck. His soft lips brushed against Deng Jingwen's ears, and he used a clear and bright voice to say, "Dad, I hate you."
However much I love you, I also hate you.
After saying this, under Deng Jingwen's pained and shocked gaze, he gave the man a gorgeous, bright smile like those from the distant past.
He then suddenly pushed Deng Jingwen away, leaned backwards, and directly fell from the bridge.
Deng Jingwen wanted to reach out and grab him, but their fingertips only brushed past each other. Deng Jingwen's hands clenched around thin air. He could only watch the boy fall incessantly, getting further and further away from him. That beautiful boy fell onto the rails, limbs twisted at grotesque angles, blood seeping out from underneath his body. He was like a beautiful, bewitching flower slowly blooming.
Deng Jingwen's eyes were about to burst! "No—!"
His boy, his child... he had to bring him back, he had to bring him back!
【Ding, the target of this world, Deng Jingwen was successfully captured. You have obtained 10, 000 experience points. The important character of this world, Ning Qi was successfully captured. You have obtained 8000 experience points. The total number of experience points gained in this world is 18, 000. 】
【Ding, you are currently leaving this world. Transfer in progress.... 】
Liu Yan, who had driven a car and followed from behind, rushed over in time to tightly hold onto Deng Jingwen, pulling him backwards. He and the chauffeur finally managed to stop Deng Jingwen together!
At this time, the speeding train came barrelling over, crushing the boy....
The last scene witnessed by Deng Jingwen was that of flesh splattering, dying his vision and world red.
....................................
When Deng Jingwen finally woke up, he found himself in the hospital.
For a moment, his mind was blank as if he didn't know what had happened or why he was here.
Very soon, a doctor came by, "Mr. Deng, how do you feel?"
Deng Jingwen didn't speak. He got off the bed and left. However, as soon as he reached the corridor, he was blocked by Liu Yan, who was guarding outside. Liu Yan looked at him with a complicated and nervous gaze, "W-where do you want to go?"
Deng Jingwen said, "I have to get Xiao Zhuo. Yesterday, he didn't even eat his cake and ran away. That child doesn't know how to take care of himself. I don't feel assured."
Liu Yan felt like something was stuck in his throat. However, he still said, "Mr. Deng, you fainted yesterday. It's still better for you to not rush out of the hospital."
Deng Jingwen's eyes suddenly turned cold. He shouted, "Make way!"
Liu Yan had never disobeyed Deng Jingwen's orders before. This was the first time he didn't listen. He said, "Don't worry, I've already brought Zhuo Shao back."
Deng Jingwen pulled Liu Yan up by the collar, his eyes red, "You're lying to me!"
Liu Yan said, "What am I lying about?"
Deng Jingwen's hands were trembling. Right... what was he lying about... he wasn't lying to him... the one who was deceiving him was himself.
He was tricking himself into believing that the boy was still alive.
He was trying to forget his memories of that time.
However, this didn't work. He couldn't forget. He remembered everything. He remembered how the boy had run out in despair. He remembered what the boy had said to him: I've always loved you.... He also remembered the final words the boy had said to him and even that very last smile.
He said, Dad, I hate you.
However much I love you, I also hate you.
Deng Jingwen suddenly felt like he had a splitting headache. That bitter scene kept replaying over and over in his head. That twisted body, the splatter of flesh, the decapitated head....
Xiao Zhuo....
I know how much you hate me.
I finally understand just how much you hate me....
..............................
No one could truly stop Deng Jingwen from leaving though. He still returned home. There was a deathly stillness surrounding his home.
Deng Jingwen seemed to have already calmed down. He acted very normal.
He went to Deng Zhuo's room. The room was empty: everything was still the same. It was as if the owner would return at any time... as if that horrifying scene had been an illusion.... Deng Zhuo suddenly felt wetness on his face. He reached up and felt his cheek. It was wet.
The boy's desk was messy. It could be seen that he had never cleaned it before. Deng Jingwen meticulously helped him tidy it up and then sat in the room for a long, long time. Only after that did he get up and leave.
Walking down the hall, he noticed that the main door was locked. Deng Jingwen was suddenly enraged. He walked over, opened the door again, and shouted sternly, "Who let you close the door!?"
The servant, who was unjustly attacked, trembled. Faced with the angry Deng Jingwen, he didn't dare say a single word.
Deng Jingwen fiercely glared at him, "From now on, this door is not allowed to be closed!"
After all, if the door was closed, how would his boy come back... ? How would he be able to come back... ?
From that day on, the Deng Family's door was never closed.
Deng Jingwen would keep the door to his room open every night and sit in the empty bed. He would wait for his boy to come back. He was afraid that if he closed the door and left this place, the boy would not be able to find his way home.
A month passed by like this. When Liu Yan came to see Deng Jingwen again, he discovered that the once mighty and indifferent man already had white hair.
Deng Jingwen sat on the sofa and turned to look at him woodenly.
Liu Yan suppressed the emotions in his voice, "Mr. Deng, you haven't come to the company for a very long time."
Deng Jingwen spoke insipidly, "It's fine for you to deal with company matters."
Liu Yan still tried to persuade him, "But...."
Deng Jingwen suddenly asked him, "Xiao Zhuo hates me so much. He certainly wouldn't be willing to come back, ba... do you think he's gone elsewhere?"
Liu Yan's eyes turned red. He lowered his head to rub at his eyes.
Deng Jingwen said, "He's so silly, and he can't take care of himself. Without me, he'll be bullied wherever he goes. I really can't be at ease."
Liu Yan choked, "Don't think about him anymore."
Deng Jingwen shook his head, "How could I be so heartless? He has only left for a few months. If he knew that I stopped thinking about him, he would definitely get mad. I don't dare make him angry again."
Liu Yan couldn't hold back from crying.
After speaking, Deng Jingwen looked at Liu Yan and said, "Go, ba. You don't have to come see me again."
Liu Yan could only leave. He was prepared to come back in a couple of days to try and persuade Mr. Deng again. In the end, a person could not come back to life after dying. Eventually, Deng Jingwen would have to step out of his house.
However, shortly afterwards, he left.
No one knew where he had gone.
It was like he had vanished into thin air.
Deng Jingwen's disappearance caused big waves. Liu Yan and a few others of Deng Jingwen's loyal subordinates worked together to keep the overall situation steady. They protected a portion of his assets and even took Bai Xiaorui back.
Two years later, Bai Xiaorui took over the Deng Family with the help of Liu Yan and co. One time, he went to clean Deng Zhuo's grave, and from afar, he could make out a man standing before Deng Zhuo's grave. The man stood there alone, the heavy aura around him dispiriting. He looked a lot like Deng Jingwen. However, when they went to chase after him, the man had already disappeared.
From then on, no one ever saw Deng Jingwen again.
The author has something to say:
Lalala, this world has ended, la. \(≧▽≦)/
The next world will be: Your Majesty, this Servant Obeys! Alternate name, "Gossip: That Scoundrel that Imprisoned Zhen", "Incapable Ruler! Where are you going?!"
Thank you my dears for the nutrient fluid~~ Love you all, muah muah. (づ￣3￣)づ╭
Eve: I actually teared up for this ending too. I feel like each arc is getting sadder. I didn't expect to get sadder. I thought I would just become numb. 🙁
Kara: Wow... I had so many conflicting emotions about this ending. First of all, yikes, that gory suicide scene? Bruh.... there was so much blood this arc, too much. Lastly, another message from Ning Qi's #1 fan: WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM AFTER THAT?? EXCUSE ME??? HE LOST THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE TOO?!?! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡
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