novelConfessions
| ← Ch.060 | Ch.062 → |
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*****
RETH
A few minutes later, her breath thundering in his ear, she forgot about his wound and dragged her hand down his side. He winced and jerked away and she gasped.
"I'm so sorry, Reth!"
"Shhhh, it's fine. I'm fine."
"No, you aren't! Aymora said you need to rest until you're healed."
"I promise, there's more healing in your lips than anywhere else in this cave, " he said dryly, but when she pushed gently at his shoulder, he sighed and laid back down, breathing carefully until the pain in his ribs eased.
They lay there, both of them staring at the black ceiling, until their breathing returned to normal. Reth found her hand and twined their fingers and she rolled over, to hold his hand in both of hers.
"Are you going back to sleep?" she whispered.
He shook his head."I don't think so."
"Then... I have something I have to tell you."
Reth blinked. She sounded uncertain. He wanted to look at her, measure her while she spoke. But he suspected she was gathering courage, and wouldn't appreciate the scrutiny."You can tell me anything, " he said."I'll always keep your secrets."
"And your own, " she grumbled."That's part of what I need to talk to you about."
"Okay." He waited and she sighed.
"Why didn't you transform for me? Or at least, tell me that you could? That all the Anima can?"
Reth took a deep breath, then winced when his ribs complained."I don't transform often. At all. It isn't my natural form, this is. But I use the beast for battle, or sometimes for tracking—the senses are even stronger. As for showing you... I was afraid it would frighten you. You'd already been through so much..."
"I don't just mean now, though. I mean when we were kids, too."
"I was just a child, Elia."
"I told you everything, " she said, and he realized she was hurt."I mean, I know we were really little. It was just a friendship for me then. But I trusted you. I told you everything—all the things I wanted, everything I was scared of. I thought... I thought we were best friends. That you trusted me."
He swallowed, unused to feeling so uncertain about the best way forward."I can tell you that I wanted to tell you. Hell, I wanted to show you. But I had to be so careful. Most of the human world has zero knowledge of Anima, and we need to keep it that way. There are resources here that humans would exploit if they could find a way to do it. When I was taken there as a child, it was made very clear to me how important it was to remain silent about my blood—to appear as human as I could. I was already being groomed to lead. It was impressed upon me that betraying that knowledge to anyone was treason to the people. But even so... I almost did tell you."
She sighed and pulled her hand out of his grip to lay it on his chest, though she just rested it there. He put his hand over hers, pinning it to his skin."And now? When I was here and I couldn't be a threat to anyone anymore?" she asked carefully.
"I was afraid you'd be scared of me, " he said honestly, surprised by how hard it was to admit."I was afraid you'd reject me if you knew."
"But you know how much I love animals!"
He turned his head to find her eyes."Not like that—unless there's something else you need to tell me, " he said, half-grinning, half-afraid. She groaned at the joke, but she didn't smile. He squeezed her hand, pinning it to his chest when it felt like she might remove it."Elia, there are many things I would change if I could go back—not just this week, but years past. There are many things I'd tell you. Things I'd do. Ways I'd make things... different. But I can't. More-than-human or not, I cannot turn back time, " he smiled. She snorted."You've surprised me, " he said, and it was all true."I was so certain this would be too much, that you'd break under the strain of it. Instead you've... bloomed. I'm sorry. I underestimated you. I'll try not to do it again."
"I'm not saying I don't need help with all this, " she said softly."I do. I really do. That's what I want you to hear: You need to tell me more. Explain more. Help me understand how you think, how these people think. I'm flying blind but... I want to. I want to be here. With you. But I'll just keep putting my foot in everything if no one tells me how things work."
"Your foot? Why your foot?" he asked, confused.
She groaned again."It's just a saying. It means, I'll step wrong. Do the wrong thing."
"I need you to talk to me, Reth. Tell me how things are done here—and why they're different. Trust me to... understand. Or at least, trust that I'll try to. And if we're going to do this together... mates... for real... do you want that?"
"There's nothing I want more, " he whispered.
"Then you have to let me help you, too. Even if it's just here, when we're alone. You can't carry everything yourself. You have to let me share the load."
"Elia, I'm King. It's my job to carry the load."
"And apparently, I'm Queen. Or going to be, at least. So... so maybe the thing that I can be good at is sharing it?"
"But, why would you want to?" he was genuinely confused.
"Because it's you, Gareth, " she said plainly."I've loved you since I was a kid. I cared about you back then, and I care about you now. You're an incredible man—but you can't do it all alone. You're so busy protecting everyone else... who's protecting you?"
Reth's breath caught. She was incredible. He gaped for a minute, unable to find words to express to her how she'd touched his heart.
"Like the transforming thing, " she said, frowning."Why didn't you tell me the trouble you were having?"
"Because I didn't want you to feel pressured."
"But I didn't even know it was a thing. Like, you could have told me that—told me you were struggling—without blaming me. You could have just told me so I could be aware and try to help you." She swallowed."That's what was happening when... when they interrupted us, right? When your eyes changed?"
"Yes, " he said."I almost transformed. It was a close call."
"Next time, tell me."
He frowned."Be honest, Elia, what do you think you would have done if, just as we were about to have sex, I'd suddenly turned into a massive lion, right there in the bed?"
She blinked and swallowed."I'm not saying it wouldn't have been a shock—"𝚏re𝒆𝘄e𝙗𝙣ov𝐞l - 🅽🅽novel
Reth's laughter echoed off the stone roof above them."Creator's beard, woman, you amaze me."
"Well, thank you. But I'm serious, Reth. If we're going to do this—together—you have to let me in. Let me help you, as well as helping me yourself. Promise me, please?"
His laughter died, and he squeezed her hand again."I promise, " he said. Then, after a thoughtful silence, "Do you know, no female has ever said that to me before?" he said quietly."It's never even occurred to me that you'd want to—to help me somehow."
"You think it's up to you to handle everything?"
"Yes!"
"Reth, you're not my dad."
"Thank the Creator for that!" he laughed, and pulled her down into a soul-searing kiss.
*****
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| ← Ch. 060 | Ch. 062 → |